Westolowski

2008-01-01T09:02:00.000-08:00

TOP 13 THINGS I HATED ABOUT 2007 (OR REALLY ANY YEAR FOR THAT MATTER)

1. "Victims" of foreclosure. Yup. You know em. They're a few cubicles down or hiding out somewhere in your Mom's house. People who were so desperate to buy a house that they took a dumb loan they knew they couldn't afford. Screw these whiny jerks. Whenever someone says the word "refinancing" I head immediately for the bathroom and escape through a ventilation shaft.

2. Salespeople. Magna cum laude jerk-offs from the school of "smile first and think later." I'm so tired of your condescending schtick and ruthless attempts at feigning common ground. I know you are the evil necessity of capitalism and you deserve more respect than, say, mob-pocketed union bosses. But I don't want to make friends with you simply because you're directly financially benefitting from my consumption. Sorry. Be polite and knowledgeable, sure. But simply facilitate the exchange of goods. Stop insulting my intelligence with that brutal pysch-out personality you learned from some book. I'd rather you nickel-and-dime me than pretend to like me. Trust me.

3. People with bumber stickers. These obnoxious roving masters of righteous over-simplification could be a lot smarter than you and I....if only they didn't try so hard to convince one hundred motorists a day. Its easy to tell me what you think when I can't reasonably respond and I'm trapped behind your intentionally shitty and/or fuel efficient car. Don't put your blog on your bumper, assholes.

4. Open Borders Nutjobs. Don't get me wrong. I fully understand how cliche it sounds to be pro-American. A lot of patriots can't seem to get past "America is the greatest country on Earth" or "Support Our Troops" bumper stickers. But at least they're right. Historical levels of immigration are proof enough.

But just because America is the greatest nation on Earth doesn't mean we can afford to accept every damn sob-story from all corners of the globe. Open borders assholes are often forced to describe the "opportunity" of America. But their minds refuse to acknowledge immigration policy as a factor in maintaining said opportunity. Almost every nation in the world has an immigration policy. Why? Because it makes sense to keep track of who enters your country. And to demand an educated desire for assimilation out of an immigrant.

Worst of this group are those unfathomable priests who harbor illegals in their church. What is with these guys? These wannabe celebrity priests. I'm telling ya, if this bullshit keeps up, then (at least Catholic) churchs should lose their tax exempt status. I'm serious. I'm tired of these flagrant law- and child-abusers.

5. Braggarts. The hilarious thing about braggarts is that they always look surprised when you tell them that they're jerk-offs. They start conversations by congratulating themselves and end conversations by favorably comparing themselves to you. In between there may be some thick sarcasm, but don't be fooled. When they talk they are too anxious to ever wait for context. And try as you might, you can't get an abstract topic out of them. You could bring up, say, big bang theory, and they'll tell you how they won a card game one time with a similar theory. Craving attention much like bumper sticker idiots, these people are unable to feel satisfied about any accomplishments without putting folks in a small-talk headlock. The equivalents of walking touchdown celebrations. Screw em.

6. People who describe something as "amazing" more than once a month. Typically these people are bloggers and/or artists who have an oddly difficult time explaining exactly why they like anything. So they overcompensate with hyperpole. Often personal ambition is the editorial compromise. Similar to networkers, criticism to them often becomes synonymous with negativity. They float around in a poetic sea of "non-judgmentalism." More interested in friends than being trustworthy, these people are somehow simultaneously adjective-challenged and adjective-obsessed. Some choose to explain themselves vigorously as opposed to convincingly. When something is good, it is undoubtably, objectively good. When something is bad, everything is subjective, "to each their own." I'm tired of these robotic boosters.

7. New England Patriots fans. Smugness has reached new heights. If Dallas makes it to the Super Bowl (as unlikely as it now seems), and beats the Patriots? Everyone will have to admit that Dallas is America's Team. Now imagine that. Even Eagles fans will be rooting for Dallas in such a scenario. Don't lie, bros.

8. Degenerate gamblers. These people are usually braggarts, too. And teeth-grindingly tedious. When these slotwhores are not breathlessly forcing you to celebrate windfalls they didn't earn, they are dejected and whiney or have DMV-like attitudes after another unnecessary loss of money they couldn't afford. Screw these emotional rollercoasters. Somebody please tell these mathematically-challenged losers that gambling is just like cocaine except that you can't record a killer album while you're gambling.

9. Networkers. Very similar to salespeople. These assholes ask you questions all the time like they just read a book called "10 ways to influence people, make friends and be an absolute nuisance." I'm tired of your scientific conversations, you wide-eyed space killers. Bring up something funny, make it quick and then leave.

OK, these guys are basically just like salespeople...off of a salesfloor. They're eventually going to sell you something, whether it be their shitty band, their shitty script, their shitty poor-me life or some absurdly inoffensive politics. I'll tell ya, I'm all networked out, people. Maybe its the 6 years I've lived in LA, maybe its that I'm getting close to turning 30. Either way. Please God sterilize the small talkers.

10. People who think everything is funny. Often the illegitimate child of a networker and a salesperson. An obnoxious ability to make people who are actually funny angry, frustrated and suspicious. Also...people who laugh all the time are usually not funny themselves. Sure, we all have social anxieties. But the walking hair-trigger laugh-track is right up there as probably the most distracting and annoying. Screw these faith-drainers.

11. People who don't leave voicemails. What the fuck?

12. People who leave 10-minute voicemails. Text me!

13. Ugly, angry, sarcastic, hate-filled blogs. Obviously I'm kidding.

Happy New Year y'all!

2007-12-15T12:01:00.000-08:00

CAMILLE-IONAIRE

No, not this guy. This chick:

Yup, caught the latest Camille Paglia Salon column. Wanted to comment on it a wee bit:

Searching, for example, for online news about Italy in recent years, I've been dismayed by its near-total domination by soccer, with archaeological discoveries and the restoration of Old Master paintings coming in second. The pope flits hither and thither, but that's it.

I don't know what Paglia expects. Its so unfair to compare archaeological discoveries and restorations of Old Master paintings to sports. Sports creates, universally, so much shameless passion and analysis in folks...true, maybe to a despairing extent. But when has archaeology and painting ever enjoyed such fandom?

Don't get me wrong, I wish people were more interested in archaeology and classical paintings, too. But Paglia sounds either elitist, cynical or oblivious. We have to be realistic about the historical level of interest global peoples have had in athletics. Sports is high drama, heart-pounding, moreso than 99.9% of art and history. It brings many folks together who might otherwise have nothing in common.

Artifacts and Old Master paintings, on the other hand, are forever in the past and require a certain taste, sentimentality and intellectual curiosity. Whereas I agree we should all have such qualities (with a limit on sentimentality), they will never be found in folks as broadly as a passion for sports is.

I'm not going so far as to say Camille is a jockhater. But nothing is more lame than people who rail against sports. Well...with the obvious exception of people who are unable to discuss anything but.

More:

Is there nothing new in post-Fellini Italian culture? It's as if Europe, struggling to incorporate massive Muslim immigration, has retreated into a bubble where the beautiful artifices of the past float like a mirage. Secularism evidently cannot stimulate creativity as profoundly as religion does -- whether in the artist's soaring affirmation or angry resistance.

Bear in mind that Paglia is proposing that secularim is not as artistictally inspirational as religion...while complaining so strongly of the crosscurrents of religion and politics, as if the '08 presidential race is somehow exceptionally "religious":

Nevertheless, the pervasiveness of religion in American politics is becoming a tedious distraction from urgent social problems like healthcare. I detest sanctimony in any form -- from the unctuous piety of smarmy televangelists to ostentatious badge-wearing (such as the gold-cross necklace that Hillary Clinton was regularly flaunting around Capitol Hill). Religious protestations are now a rote formula for asserting family values and opposing moral relativism, with which the Democrats have been tagged since the hedonistic '60s. One reason religion is so intrusive in the United States is because of the mammoth institutional power of our mass media, which is unparalleled anywhere else in the world. Religion has become a prophetic voice crying in the wilderness against our Hollywood Babylon.

I just think this is nonsense.

First of all, Paglia is a self-described "Dionysian" feminist, which is an intellectually lazy stab at cementing herself as a subversive. How many family values would a "Dionysian feminist" truly advocate? What is "hedonistic" to a Dionysian? How does she expect Democrats who are notoriously pro-choice, entitlement-driven and gay-friendly to be seen as pro-family?

Second of all, is Camille truly blaming mass fucking media for the "intrusiveness" of religion? Give me a break. This is a ridiculous idea. Most mass media, in fact, promotes "our Hollywood Babylon." How much of the media is friendly to the church? How many pro-church adverts does Camille see compared to movie adverts? Please.

Thirdly. Whereas I agree that religious affiliation is irrelevant (with the obvious exception of any Muslims seeking to install sharia, despite our constitution which protects its advent), religion and politics are inseparable. Politics, with regards to public debates involving electable officials, should amount to a battle of ideas on how a country should be governed. Judgments need to be made during this debate. Who is right and who is wrong. These judgments are, just as often as not, based on morality, on God, on the Bible, on an idea of some objective moral power. Sure--the four horsemen may prefer the term "ethics."

The reality is that political ideas often have a religious foundation. Therefore a candidate's religion is contrasted against his voting record for the sake of establishing credibility. Folks (atheists included) deserve to know the religious background and conviction of the candidates and how it compares to the laws they write and/or pass.

And, inevitably, due to the church-going nature of America's voting populace, candidates will vie for their religious leaders' and constituents' advocacy. Its tedious, I agree. But necessary.

Religious "sanctimoniousness" (a constant unfair tethering from the left, people apparently more disgusted by proselytizing than anything else) is also more valid than proving you're "black" enough or that you grew up poor enough. At least a religious affiliation has ideas and beliefs behind it, however untenable some of them are. Having to prove you're of some racial or financial stock is irrelevant to debating policy.

Let's also look at other countries. Especially in the Middle East where, ostensibly, religion and politics are identical. In these countries, typically, one's vote is either nonexistent or tied to a particular religious faction. Is American presidential politics really bogged down in religious cred-battles compared to anywhere else globally?

Also, for someone who is so tired of dealing with religion, she spends so little time dissecting the policies of the candidates, preferring instead a mere mention of healthcare and a description of Obama's wife as "fierce." Who gives a fuck? If Paglia is so unwilling to discuss religion, it would be a much easier pill to swallow if she wasn't so otherwise pre-occupied with celebrity endorsements, photo-ops and fashion statements. Throw a paycheck on that.

Then again, as usual, Camille saves her reputation in my eyes with an insightful bookend, far more brave than what had preceded it:

Now here's Pattie Brooks last year introducing a new remix of "After Dark." She looks fabulous -- showing a ton of leg and a veritable ripe-fruit basket of bosom and butt. Whew! But what's happened to the song? It's been given the standard current gay club treatment -- an impersonal, mechanistic pounding. All the lyricism, romance, attunement to nature, and artistic touch are gone. Are we hearing the baleful influence of crystal meth on the gay male world? An obsessive focus on hard partying and status display? Just asking.

I don't really notice a difference between the two versions of "After Dark," except maybe that, presumably, without fully hearing each song, the latest iteration sucks a little bit more. But I love Camille's tone towards "gay club" music, which, in my opinion, is an oxymoronic term. And the "baleful influence of crystal meth" might be obvious in general terms, but I appreciate its application towards a musical genre. Paglia isn't "just asking." She knows.

And as usual, as with any pundits and intellectuals, when they are most critical of their own demographic, they are most easily trusted.

2007-12-12T18:11:00.000-08:00

JULIA CHILD AND SEAL SPOTTED TOGETHER ON SECLUDED KENYAN BEACH EXCHANGING CASH MONEY

Well, maybe. I'm not saying Seal looked happy about it. And I'm not saying Seal is Kenyan.

Julia is pictured here cooking up some cash for an illicit liason where the lion sleeps tonight.

Seal is pictured here graciously denying that he received a kiss from a rose from anyone other than Heidi.

Check it out:

MOMBASA, Kenya (Reuters) - Bethan, 56, lives in southern England on the same street as best friend Allie, 64.

They are on their first holiday to Kenya, a country they say is "just full of big young boys who like us older girls."

Riiiiiiiiiight.

More:

Hard figures are difficult to come by, but local people on the coast estimate that as many as one in five single women visiting from rich countries are in search of sex.

Ehhh. I'm guessing more like 3.5 per every 5 single, rich-countried women. Come on. Why else are single white chicks going there?

More:

"It's not evil," said Jake Grieves-Cook, chairman of the Kenya Tourist Board, when asked about the practice of older rich women traveling for sex with young Kenyan men.

"But it's certainly something we frown upon."

Jake's a real pro. Luckily the Kenya Tourist Board has someone with such moral clarity. Hopefully Jake confirmed that prostitution was not evil after being asked whether or not it was. If he just offered that opinion, we can all agree that he's wrong or hiding something, which means you're wrong anyway. Jake, buddy. Why are you so quick to frown on something that's not evil? If you just say its bad, does that make half the world sigh with that still-going-to-heaven relief?

More:

Also, the health risks are stark in a country with an AIDS prevalence of 6.9 percent. Although condom use can only be guessed at, Julia Davidson, an academic at Nottingham University who writes on sex tourism, said that in the course of her research she had met women who shunned condoms -- finding them too "businesslike" for their exotic fantasies.

Yeah, well, I guess after you hand a prostitute money for sex, the condom must totally ruin the mood. That shit is crossing the line. Total bummer. Oh, wait--maybe these ladies pay after the sex. Yeah, that's a smart prostitute. Well...male prostitutes are probably less worried about getting stiffed than their female counterparts.

More:

"We both get something we want -- where's the negative?" Allie asked in a bar later, nursing a strong, golden cocktail.

This argument is about as old as the profession. How come we're still dealing with it? Prostitution is extremely risky sex. Its extremely risky period. The lifestyle is incredibly lazy and damaging and addictive. I think we can all agree on that, even if prostitutes are way more respectable than porn stars. Fuck, even a real doll is more respectable than a porn star.

Yeah, male prostitutes will probably just brag about it for the rest of their lives, sure. But what about women and children?

These same beaches have long been notorious for attracting another type of sex tourists -- those who abuse children.

As many as 15,000 girls in four coastal districts -- about a third of all 12-18 year-olds girls there -- are involved in casual sex for cash, a joint study by Kenya's government and U.N. children's charity UNICEF reported late last year.

Up to 3,000 more girls and boys are in full-time sex work, it said, some paid for the "most horrific and abnormal acts."

...

"It's a social arrangement. I buy him a nice shirt and we go out for dinner. For as long as he stays with me he doesn't pay for anything, and I get what I want -- a good time. How is that different from a man buying a young girl dinner?"

Wait a second, isn't there a very real difference? I mean, call me naive, but when a man buys a young girl dinner, is he guaranteed sex? I mean, why do I suddenly feel Puritanical?

2007-12-11T18:40:00.000-08:00

SUPER HUSH HUSH GYPSY TRIBUNAL IN CHEESY NEWPORT BEACH SHOCKS SURROUNDING HOLLYWOOD ANNEX AND UPPITY CATALINA YACHT PIMPS

Man, you just can't get away from Borat, can you? Just when you think you've heard the last acne-and-braces "Yesh Manesh" impression or whatever it is, you're confronted with a near-Onion article about secret gypsy clan battles in southern California. Should "gyspy" really be capitalized? I think they just got capitalized last year or last week probably, and I'm not down with it yet. But, eh, I don't want to offend these hardcore OGs. Homies are above the law like Steven Seagal:

Quit bullshittin, dawg. This Native American ninja Bo Diddly bullshit needs to stop. Its so unbelievably shitty even Stephen Hawking is grappling with the precise amount of shittiness. GEEzus. Quit it.

NEWPORT BEACH, Calif. (AP) - A dispute between two Gypsy clans over control of the fortunetelling trade in this Southern California city has spilled into court, offering a rare glimpse of an insular culture that has long settled scores according to its own Old World rules of honor.

The turf war in well-to-do Orange County has unfolded like a gangster movie, with allegations of death threats, a graveside scuffle, and nicknames like "White Bob" and "Black Bob" - details revealed in a police report and requests for restraining orders.

Now, I know what you're thinking: am I reading a blog or Harry Potter? Don't worry, you're still an adult and you're not reading a childish, useless ghosts and goblins piece of nonsense.

Please read on:

"The older Gypsies are pulling out their hair, not wanting the courts in our business because they'll find out too much about us," said Tom Merino, who is distantly related to one of the clans but has spurned his heritage. "Ignorance is the Gypsies' weapon against the outside world."

What? Is this dood talking shit about us or the gypsies?

Alright, seriously. These palm-reading nutjobs want to exist outside the court system? FUCK EM. Yank em "out of the shadows." The American court system is half the reason why they're here in the first place. Why don't people understand that its the general law and order which attracts people to this country? When they try and circumvent it it doesn't make any sense!

Unless they're avowed criminals, of course. Then they shouldn't be here in the first place.

Get a load of this bullshit:

Gypsies have traditionally resolved disputes in front of a secret council of elders that can impose fines, make territorial decisions or order someone shunned. They don't like to involve non-Gypsies, who are considered impure.

WHAT? Fuck these guys and their bullshit council of beard-stroking costume-jewelry orcs. Who do they think they are? Immigrating amongst "the impure"? Please.

More:

That the dispute wound up in court reflects an erosion of tradition among the Gypsies, said Ian Hancock, an expert on Gypsy language and culture at the University of Texas.

"It used to be that the Romany world was absolutely insulated from the outside world," said Hancock, a Gypsy himself. "But it's very hard to resist the pressures of MTV, and people are beginning to see alternatives."

Unbelievable. How do we connect a dispute which "wound up in court" to the "pressures of MTV"? I'm nearly shocked. The fact that gyspies are now resolving their conflicts in a court of law is a good thing. And if their kids are hooked on MTV, then that's their fault, not America's. Turn off the fucking TV! Throw some palms in front of those kids and make em read! Its not like gypsies came to America, turned on the TV and were all tossed into helpless twitching stupors. MTV is like 30 channels now and all over the world. The gypsies knew exactly what they were getting themselves into before they came to America and if they didn't, they should've seen a Tarot card or something which would've clued em in.

More:

Things were calm for months until the Stevens patriarch died of a heart attack at age 53 last May. Edward "Davie" Merino showed up at the funeral, pulling up at the cemetery in a limo with what was described as a menacingly burly chauffeur.

Merino says members of the Stevens clan attacked him and screamed, "We will make your life a living hell!" But the Stevenses claim that Merino flashed a gun and threatened to "come back and kill all of you." Both sides agree that before speeding off, Merino shouted that he wanted to make sure "the mother-(expletive) was dead."

...

Stevens, who owns two fortunetelling parlors and a deli, added: "I feel like they've made me out like a character on 'The Sopranos.' I'm a businessman. I'm a family man. That's all I am."

Bro. Come here, dawg. Listen up. Let me give you some advice. If you're going to try to put some distance between you and the Sopranos, you can't sound just like the motherfucking Godfather. Dumby.

2007-12-10T19:30:00.000-08:00

GUANABEE GETS AN A+ FROM A PUTO GRINGO

Pick your fetish, gentlemen.

I was a little late to this masterpiece cuz I usually get all my Latino-flavored news from immigrationwatchdawg.com. True, Watchdawg is pro-Ron Paul, but they also shoot a lot of good footage right near my apartment and I can't get enough of this clip of the webmaster reading his hate mail (good stuff starts at about a minute and a half).

The whole post is good, but here is the soda-commercial blast of refreshment:

So, because I was pretty anxious to drown the remainder of my evening in a plate of Wonderbread slathered in mayo, I’m going to go ahead and say, yeah, the currency of the term “Latina” definitely carries a lot of, uh, porny connotations. I’d even go so far as to say we’re fetishized, as in, we are often viewed as less “individual people with thoughts and feelings” and more” a series of holes and curves.” We’d go even further (After all, this is what? Our second date?) and say that all women are fetish objects, as far as the internet is concerned. Women of all races, of all ethnic groups, all sizes and ages are idealized and re-contextualized as sexual, interchangeable objects by whoever is their cultural or social “Other.”

Ah ha! What is this? No whining? No moaning? No racebaiting? I can't believe it.

No matter what you see, whether it be movies, plays, TV shows, or (online) pornography, you're going to be stereotyped. That doesn't make it right. And it doesn't make the stereotypes true. But it doesn't make you alone. Its not only blacks, its not only Asians, its not only Latinos and its not only whites. Stereotyping is simply impossible to avoid if you must indulge in fantasy (i.e. online dating and dumb-ass movies). You have two choices:

1. Shut the fuck up, write your own TV scripts and uptight online personals.

or

2. Shut the fuck up, turn off your TV, trade in your bullshit DVDs, stop Googling yourself (or your demographic) and go out and jog to a bookstore (STICK WITH NON-FICTION, WISEGUY).

Seriously. Cuz you're never going to be happy with the way your demographic is portrayed unless you portray it yourself. And even then, someone will probably still be offended by it. If its at all unflattering.

And I'd also like to commend the author of the Guanabee post, Associate Editor Alex Alvarez, for being so apparently torn about the difference between a "fetish" and a "preference." I've always thought the difference was simple: men have fetishes and women have preferences. Hopefully we are getting closer to admitting that we both have neither. Or at least something in between.

Now if you haven't already, go get your preference. Why compromise?

2007-12-08T12:26:00.000-08:00

ENGLISH BITCHES AND LYRICAL BABES

Sorry, this isn't a post about the Spice Girls.

How many of you caught this article?

LONDON (Reuters) - A man has been convicted of racially aggravated harassment after calling a Welsh woman English.

Michael Forsythe was sentenced to 10 weeks in jail, suspended for 12 months, after being found guilty of racially aggravated disorderly behaviour, a court official said.

Forsythe received the sentence at Welshpool Magistrates Court on Tuesday and was also ordered to pay 200 pounds in prosecution costs.

The former lorry driver, who is originally from Northern Ireland, but lives in Powys, Mid Wales, called Lorna Steele an "English bitch" during an argument after he collided with her parked vehicle in the Welsh market town of Newport in February.

Unbelievable. I doubt this guy is going to jail for calling a Welsh woman an English bitch, but the conviction is still a ridiculous precedent. Shouldn't almost every African American rapper be receiving the same suspended sentence? Wouldn't Kramer and Don Imus be in top secret Polish prisons by now?

Coincidentally, Samina Malik, the lyrical terrorist, recently received a similarly suspended jail sentence, involving supervision and unpaid work.

But isn't the conviction of a racial epithet prompted by a car accident far more insidious than the conviction of a wannabe terrorist? Samina explicitly detailed violent fantasies against "dirty kuffars" (i.e. non-Muslims), advocated martyrdom and, according to Deputy Assistant Commissioner Peter Clarke, head of the Metropolitan Police Counter Terrorism Command, attempted to "donate money to a terrorist group."

I think we can agree that neither party deserves jail-time. But neither party deserves a holiday, either.

The problem I see is that folks around the world are so quick to come to the defense of free speech when it involves Muslims and other minorities. But when it comes to caucasians, no sympathy is labored over, no holidays are suggested. What about the non-stop racist/inbred portrayal of whites in the latest Harold and Kumar piece of shit? Where are the suspended jail sentences for all assholes involved?

Yeah, can you ladies please turn all the way around? Grrrrreat. Thanks.

Hey, wait....I didn't know Ho Spice and Skeezer Spice were Welsh.

2007-12-06T18:39:00.000-08:00

RACEBAIT REPORT

So, I bet some people saw this article on Drudge today. I don't know. I think its irresponsible:

BOSTON — A Boston firefighter is mending from what could have been deadly stab wounds he suffered early yesterday morning when he was allegedly jumped in East Boston while off duty by a group of Hispanic males who told him they "don't want any gringo here."

Come on. Can anyone besides the victim corroborate the "gringo" statement? How many witnesses were at the restaurant who can stand by that claim? Do we have any video? Any security cameras at the restaurant or the firehouse where the alleged racist Latino gang chased the firefighter to?

This story just seems like a real leap of faith. All the events that supposedly took place are based on nothing but the firefighter's testimony. An especially sympathetic victim....non life-threatening injuries....one man against six and he was able to ring the bell at the station....all six attackers managed to disappear into the night. I don't know, its a stretch to me. I need more proof.

Now, I'm not saying the firefighter is lying at all. I'm not saying he wasn't stabbed and I'm not saying racist comments weren't made. But my gut reaction is that the Drudge Report wants to believe in the story too much. They just posted a firefighter noose hoax earlier in the week. Why are they posting a story so incredibly similar? Do they want to fall for this bullshit again? Who is an editor at Drudge now--Tom Tan-crazy? (credit: Medved)

No, don't get me wrong. I like Tom. I just think he's too far right on immigration and his most recent ad is a little over the top. Its absolutely foolish to stop all immigration. Its dumb. We need to attract big brains from overseas to develop our nation. We can't let our country stagnate like the Asian hermit kingdoms, like all the third world countries suffering from brain-drain. But otherwise Tom seems like a straight-shooter.

2007-11-26T18:54:00.000-08:00

THE DEFINITION OF A BURDEN

Caught this ridiculous bullshit on Yahoo this evening. What a crock:

Illegal Latino immigrants do not cause a drag on the U.S. health care system as some critics have contended and in fact get less care than Latinos in the country legally, researchers said on Monday.

Such immigrants tend not to have a regular doctor or other health-care provider yet do not visit emergency rooms -- often a last resort in such cases -- with any more frequency than Latinos born in the United States, according to the report from the University of California's School of Public Health.

OK. I'll buy that statistic. No problem.

Just one question: how many illegals have insurance compared to U.S.-born Latinos? Just because they visit the emergency room at the same rate doesn't mean they are paying the emergency room bill at the same rate.

And if they're in the emergency room at all, aren't they standing in line in front of immigrants who have lawfully entered this country? Immigrants (and other citizens) who arguably deserve treatment (for the same level of pain) first? That's not a burden?

Alright, anyway....let's just see if the "who pays their bill more" question gets answered. Because I don't think I define the word "burden" like the coordinators of the study this article is based on do:

The finding from Alexander Ortega and colleagues at the school was based on a 2003 telephone survey of thousands of California residents, including 1,317 undocumented Mexicans, 2,851 citizens with Mexican immigrant parents, 271 undocumented Latinos from countries other than Mexico and 852 non-Mexican Latinos born in the United States.

OK. Alright. 1,588 undocumented Latinos versus 3,703 Latino U.S. citizens. I'm not sure how balanced the survey fields should be, but I'm letting it slide. Just waiting for my question to be answered:

"One recurrent theme in the debate over immigration has been the use of public services, including health care," Ortega's team wrote in the Archives of Internal Medicine.

"Proponents of restrictive policies have argued that immigrants overuse services, placing an unreasonable burden on the public. Despite a scarcity of well-designed research ... use of resources continues to be a part of the public debate," they said.

OK, I'm also going to let the "restrictve policies" comment slide. There are two crowds in the immigration debate and Ortega's team clearly falls into the "comprehensive immigration reform" crowd. These people generally can't name one good immigration policy. Trust me. Go ahead. Ask anyone who is anywhere near pro-amnesty for a single immigration policy that they think is sensible.

This photo of hottie Paulina Rubio has absolutely nothing to do with the article except a loose connection to Mexico and a matching level of absurdity.

The other crowd (my crowd) is the "enforce our borders" crowd. These people are routinely painted as racist or nativist simply because they want the current immigration laws enforced--at least with as much diligence as Mexico enforces their own immigration law. In the study's case, I believe the "restrictive policies" term is a euphemism for racist or nativist policies, but I don't mind it. The essence of immigration law is restriction.

The tricky part is the term "overuse." Because I don't think conservatives are claiming that illegal immigrants "overuse" public services at all. Conservatives simply don't believe in illegals using any public health services that are taxpayer-funded.

What illegals do by taking advantage of our health care system is they undermine the purpose of naturalization--that being the logic that citizenship is earned (along with other rights and government handouts) by a clear desire to become American. And American taxpayers should have the power to determine that their taxes do not go towards medical expenses for people who have no desire to become American! That is all. Maybe illegal immigrants visit doctors less than their legal counterparts. So what? There are millions of illegals in this country and the study should be more concerned with how often the state foots their medical bills, not with how many times they visit the doctor compared to that of their legal counterparts. GEE-zus.

More:

The researchers said illegal Mexican immigrants had 1.6 fewer visits to doctors over the course of a year than people born in the country to Mexican immigrants. Other undocumented Latinos had 2.1 fewer physician visits than their U.S.-born counterparts, they said.

"Low rates of use of health-care services by Mexican immigrants and similar trends among other Latinos do not support public concern about immigrants' overuse of the health care system," the researchers wrote.

"Undocumented individuals demonstrate less use of health care than U.S.-born citizens and have more negative experiences with the health care that they have received," they said.

Again, this beating drum of "no overuse of health-care services" is ridiculous. Who "overuses" health care services anyway? Whites? Blacks? What is the census category with the most hypochondriacs? Who sets the benchmark? When is a group of people too dependent on health care services?

And what if most people conceivably did "overuse" their health care services? Would that be so bad? As long as they could pay their bills?

I can understand that illegal immigrants have health care far down their list of priorities. I can understand how they work their asses off to send money back home and may forego some over-due medical attention for the sake of their families. All this is understandable.

The debate is over whether or not the illegals who do seek medical attention actually pay for the attention they receive. This is the real issue that conservatives are concerned about--not the volume of medical procedures for illegals, but the debts accrued as a result for which taxpayers are ultimately held responsible. Don't get me wrong--the volume of medical procedures is a concern, but its nowhere near as much of a concern as the financial burden of illegal immigrants who have no way of paying for expensive emergency procedures.

And if "undocumented individuals" have so many "negative" health care experiences here in the U.S., let's hear about all the positive health care experiences they've had in Mexico. Please.

Finally, I applaud Reuters for repeatedly mentioning the word "illegal" in the article. Its amazing that it's even in the title. Never once, however, while quoting the study, is the word "illegal" found.

2007-11-24T15:17:00.000-08:00

VAN HALEN

Tuesday night, sold out Staples Center. Noticed a lot of chicks dressed up like Richie Sambora. But overall I would say an unembarrassing crowd.

Hey, at least EVH never rocked the Pocahontas jacket.

I was sitting in section 209 and had a perfect straight-ahead view of the stage. No crooked neck the whole time and no bandmembers obscured by any speakers. And the fans were definitely inhalin' at Van Halen.

The band stormed the stage around 8:15pm and DLR was waving that huge red flag like we were at Tiananmen Square protesting jailed bloggers or something. The band sounded really good, well-mixed, and there was a huge video screen behind the stage so none of the action was missed.

"Dance the Night Away" is still a shitty track, but "Unchained," "Jamie's Bitching," "Panama" and "Running With the Devil" all sounded great, especially "Unchained." The only song that sounded off at all was "Hot For Teacher" which seemed to be slightly behind the drums.

Van Halen I guess has no ballads, or at least they played none, so it was 2 hours of straight pre-'85 rock'n'roll and a lot of awkward dancing from the fans. I came away pretty stoked even though I don't own any Van Halen albums proper and you're never going to see me reach for one of their tracks over a hundred other (British) bands. It was a good-ass show.

DLR's most embarrassing move of the night was dancing around with two goofy tambourines on his ass, but that was about it. Sure, DLR smiles more than Tony Romo and he reminded the crowd on two occassions that the band was probably having more fun than anyone in attendance, but he is hilarious, really enjoyable to watch (laugh at). He didn't do any Ultimate Warrior split-leaps off the drum riser and Eddie and Wolfgang arguably have better singing voices, but DLR kept things moving along and only stopped to bullshit (about weed and chicks and the suburbs) for the intro to "Ice Cream Man."

Eddie's guitar tone sounded great, but after the hundredth harmonic bend his shit was getting old. I've never been a fan of Eddie's solos and the non-stop finger-tapping is pretty weak, too. I did enjoy watching him run around the stage kicking his legs out like some weird Russian folded-arms dance (you know what I mean) cuz at least you could tell he was feelin' it and not looking off-stage and thinking about a stashed bottle of vodka. It was cool to see him play with his son, too. Kinda touching. Wolfgang has his bass done up in the same pattern as "Frankenstein," albeit with different colors. And Eddie on one or two occassions would go over and hug his son and guitar-face duel with him a little bit.

Sure, it looks ridiculous, but when I think of (famous) 80s guitars, its probably the least embarrassing of all the nonsense that took place.

Alex Van Halen looks like Keith Richards if he owned a dojo. His drum solo was just OK. I'm more of a Todd Trainer guy myself. (Btw, the latest Shellac album is worth picking up despite some embarrassing lyrics Weston sings.) Alex just has way too many drums and his "solo" amounts to trying to hit as many of them as possible. Its not loose at all.

After the gig was over, I couldn't help but to compare this show to the Police show, which had cost me just as much. Sure, they're different bands, but I like Police songs more than I do Halen songs, and the Halen show was hands down the better show. First of all, Halen didn't fuck with any of the tracks. They didn't have any odd arrangements and they kept the vocals and the solos pretty much the same.

And, you know, they don't call it arena rock for nothing.

By the way, if anybody cares, its going to be a long time before there are any more live music reviews on this blog. At least nothing until January I'm guessing. I have the Christmas vacation coming up and I'm trying to get my band on a 2-day per week rehearsal schedule which has been like pulling teeth after we brought a 2nd guitarist in and replaced the original drummer. It seems like every time we get close to finishing up our live set, we have a new member who needs to be brought up to speed. And if I'm going to concerts and blowing money, it only makes rehearsing that much more difficult. Hopefully the next gig I review will be my own.

And hope everyone is having as good a Thanksgiving break as I am. Go Cowboiz!!!!

2007-11-17T12:47:00.000-08:00

CAMILLE FEYD-RAUTHA

Kinda looks like Sting.

I'm sure some of you noticed this article (or oped, rather) which Drudge linked to earlier this week. I thought we could discuss it:

Hillary's stonewalling evasions and mercurial, soulless self-positionings have been going on since her first run for the U.S. Senate from New York, a state she had never lived in and knew virtually nothing about. The liberal Northeastern media were criminally complicit in enabling her queenlike, content-free "listening tour," where she took no hard questions and where her staff and security people (including her government-supplied Secret Service detail) staged events stocked with vetted sympathizers, and where they ensured that no protesters would ever come within camera range.

That compulsive micromanagement, ultimately emanating from Hillary herself, has come back to haunt her in her dismaying inability to field complex unscripted questions in a public forum. The presidential sweepstakes are too harsh an arena for tenderfoot novices. Hillary's much-vaunted "experience" has evidently not extended to the dynamic give-and-take of authentic debate. The mild challenges she has faced would be pitiful indeed by British standards, which favor a caustic style of witty put-downs that draw applause and gales of laughter in the House of Commons. Women had better toughen up if they aspire to be commander in chief.

OK, I'm completely with Paglia here. It doesn't take a village, it takes a family. Hillary is a socialist with regards to healthcare, an unreliable populist with regards to driver's licenses for illegals and anyone who criticizes her is a "mud-slinging Republican" and/or someone practicing "gotcha" politics. How anyone could vote for her is beyond me. She is a platitude robot. She offers nothing to the presidential race but her gender.

Stop saving! The government will pay for everything so you never have to feel responsible, like a child.

The problem I have with Paglia, is that Hillary's gender is enough to vote for her. She rips Hillary for three straight paragraphs and here is the fourth:

Whether John Edwards or Barack Obama (toward whom I'm currently leaning) has conclusively demonstrated his superiority for the top of the ticket remains to be seen. They may unfortunately split the anti-Hillary vote (a majority of registered Democrats) so that she slips through. If Hillary is the Democratic nominee, I will certainly vote for her. But I continue to find it hard to believe that my party truly craves that long nightmare of déjà vu -- with scandal after scandal disgorged and an endless train of abused women returning from Bill Clinton's sordid, anti-feminist past.

Sure, Camille prefers Obama. But the best thing she can say about Hillary is an implication that she's better than any Republican nominee.

Now, I can't really disagree with her sentiment. I'll vote for the Republican nominee and she'll vote for the Democrap-ic nominee. But if I was forced to vote for Huckabee or Paul or Tancredo, I still would be able to find some good things to say about them....besides them being male (which is not a good or bad thing anyway).

Also, her description of Bill Clinton as "anti-feminist" is silly. Why can't a cheater simply be a cheater? I would even allow "misogynist." But not "anti-feminist." That's far too political a description of a womanizer. It gives him too much credit. If Bill cheated on Hillary with exclusively self-employed, successful, smart, creative, sexually "free" feminists...would he still be "anti-feminist"?

Baby, I'll admit it. I stray....because I'm anti-feminist.

Here she rips on Hillary some more, though she probably doesn't realize it:

An amusing video (posted by Matt Drudge) shows a row of American flags chaotically tumbling down behind and almost on top of Hillary last weekend--hardly an auspicious omen for Veterans Day. I like the way Hillary uses her flat, practical, real-life voice to admonish the event organizers about properly weighting the poles.

Wow. Let's congratulate Hillary for some dry sarcasm. That's a real big accomplishment. Can Paglia name one Hillary policy worth a damn?

I'm a robot! I don't feel no ways tired!

And her "practical, real-life" voice, does it only come out in punchlines? Senator Clinton is, at best, a replicant, and Paglia knows it.

More:

...there's definitely something weird and cultish in the sycophantish cathexis onto Hillary of the many nerds, geeks and vengeful viragos who run her campaign -- sometimes to her detriment, as with the recent ham-handed playing of the clichéd gender card. I suspect the latter dumb move, which has backfired badly, came from Ann Lewis (Barney Frank's sister), a fanatical Hillary true believer who has been spouting beatific feminist bromides about her for the past 15 years. Hillary seems to have acolytes rather than friends -- hardly a reassuring trait for a potential president whose paranoia has already been called Nixonian.

...

Why don't we have a stronger Democratic female candidate?

This is a feminist's question. And a dumb one, too. Paglia is more disappointed in the Democratic female presidential options than the Democratic options overall. For someone who so roundly dismisses any Republican candidates, she is still a feminist before a Democrat.

But its not the Dems' responsibility to do anything more than put forward their best candidate, regardless of gender or race. Dems may not agree, but they would have far more respect if they could debate ideas rather than sexual or racial agendas.

Hillary's sister, Paulie's birthday robot.

So Paglia will vote for Hillary, despite her comparative lack of "gravitas":

I have repeatedly said that Sen. Dianne Feinstein of California should have been the first woman president. With all due respect to Salon's perspicacious Glenn Greenwald, whose hard-hitting columns on Feinstein as a Beltway politician have been must-reads, Feinstein's statewide and national popularity are mainly due to her unflappable performances on television as a shrewd, steady, articulate public servant, deeply informed about military matters. She handles and deflects media queries with silky ease. Exuding both authority and compassion, she has true gravitas -- a rare quality in women. Dianne Feinstein, not Hillary Clinton, has already created the paradigm for a female commander in chief.

Paglia, I guess, can speak with authority on how "gravitas" is a rare quality in women. I'm not as inclined to say the same. But I am inclined to talk about a candidate's voting record and policy proposals. Paglia appears to me, at least in this article, to be the typical victim of liberal distractions, obsessed with irrelevant sexual (and racial) agendas. Sure, a sexual agenda may be her calling card. But she suffers from it in admitting that an embarrassingly "soulless" and "stonewalling" female candidate such as Hillary is still good enough for her vote. How seriously can we take such a position?

Then again, Paglia bounces back by being dismissive of the global warming hysteria:

Good stewardship of the environment is an ethical imperative for every nation. But breast-beating hysteria merely betrays impious tunnel vision. Thousands of factors, minute and grand, are at work in cyclic climate change, whose long-term outcomes we cannot possibly predict. Nature should inspire us with awe, not pity.

Though throughout the rest of the piece, she is painfully self-referential.

2007-11-12T20:27:00.000-08:00

OK. POETRY STILL SUCKS. BUT RAP SUCKS WORSE.

Dood. I always thought KRS-1 was the "lyrical terrorist."

Dirty Kuffar-S-1

Where did ol' girl come from?

Samina Malik: frequently asked "Why the long face?", avid reader of the Mujahideen's Poison Handbook, lyrical grenade thrower and poseur (i.e. "living") martyr.

Damn, these lyrics gonna blow up a bus or a marketplace or a "whole bunch uh muhfuckers":

HOW TO BEHEAD

It's not as messy or as hard as some may think
To push another spoken word artist to the brink
It's all about the flow of the wrist
and getting all y'all homeys on the guest list
Sharpen the knife to its maximum
Drop that shit like its platinum
And before you begin to cut the flesh
Jump or slide or do some dorky move to your left
Saw the knife back and forth
Maybe listen to some Cannibal Corpse
No doubt that the punk will twitch and scream
Just make sure you keep your Jordans clean
Oh, yeah, ignore the donkey's ass
Slice up his neck with some culinary math
You'll feel the knife hit the wind and food pipe
Tear up that shit like Wesley Snipes
Continue with all your might
About now you should feel the knife vibrate
Cuz the players play and the haters hate
You can feel the warm heat being given off
And the redundancy "warm heat" speaks of
But this is due to the friction being caused
Of my motherfucking shotgun cuz its sawed-off
YEaaaaaahhhh boyyyyyeee!!!!

OK, obviously I took liberties with the original lyrics. But just get a load of the nerve of this chick. She's rapping about destroying the West--when rap is on par with Satanism in Islamic countries! Take off the headscarf and she's about as Western as it gets. The bullocks with this chick. Or whatever. There are no female rappers coming from the Middle East. Females can't even drive in Saudi Arabia. And M.I.A. is Sri Lankan you fucks.

I think almost everything that is wrong with music and Los Angeles is in this picture. Obnoxious fashion statements, intentionally silly raps and ubiquitous digital camera (blogger)s.

Anyway, what's great is the intro to the video clip about Samina Malik, the lyrical Molotov cocktail:

Voiceover: "The self-styled lyrical terrorist burst into tears in the dock as the guilty verdict was read out. She claimed her poetry and ramblings about beheadings and martyrdom were just a way of making her feel cool, but the jury thought them much more sinister."

You see, I agree with both the lyrical terrorist and the jury. The young lady was trying to "feel cool" and it was sinister as well:

Jonathan Sharp, prosecuting, told the court the defendant liked to be known as the "lyrical terrorist" or "a stranger awaiting martyrdom".

"She is a committed Islamic extremist, who supports terrorism and terrorists.

"She had a library of material that she had collected for terrorist purposes.

"That collection would be extremely useful for someone planning terrorist activity."

The court heard how police raided her home in Southall, West London, after an email from her was found on the computer of a terror suspect in October last year.

She had a profile on the social networking website Hi-5, where she called for the execution of "depraved" Westerners .

The British-born Muslim listed her interests as helping the Mujahideen "in any way I can".

She also wrote of how she enjoyed video messages from Osama Bin Laden and "videos that showed massacres of the kuffars", or non-Muslims.

Now, I'm not sure about you, but I don't think the "lyrical terrorist" is all that different from other Muslims her age who may be living in the U.K. And by that, I mean that they are depressed and troubled and crying out for attention. They are caught in between two worlds.

I don't think Malik's lyrics, either, in spirit, are too much different from the gangster rap that was all the rage in the early 90s. The same championed (fantasy) violence is there--its just removed from American ghettos and stretched globally, philosophically.

So what do we do about it? Do we cower like the homosexuals the Islamists accuse us of being? Or do we throw creeps like Malik in jail to show the rest of the world that her ideas are wrong and destructive and backwards? Well...she only received house arrest. And the judge almost complimented her by describing her as an "enigma." (Not as bad as Andy Reid's judge, though.)

Trust me, I'm not a fan of the cheesy-ass country music jingoistic anthems. But come on. We don't have assholes rapping about how to behead any Muslims. Someone slap this chick.

2007-11-07T18:13:00.000-08:00

COS: WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?

Brother-heavy

How can homey switch so easily from (basically) the truth to the lies? How can he preach self-reliance to black youth and castigate black success stories? How can he rock those shades without everyone wanting to know what's going on with his eyes? And how can he embarrass me for praising him and downplaying the significance of Clarence Thomas?

People: see what affirmative action does? See the racial debt it saddles you with? Its not worth it. Obviously on the road to success you'll get help from friends, from family, from colleagues. But if you can't kick back and just be proud of yourself, if you can't simply toast all the friends and enemies along the way, then what good is ambition? Must all accomplishment be framed in a racial give-and-take context?

Its so painfully obvious how affirmative action creates a cloud of illegitimacy around the quota it enforces. Now we see the ridiculous racial debt it brings, too.

Please. Get off this guy's nuts.

2007-11-01T17:27:00.000-07:00

NEIL YOUNG

Anton tried this look, too.

Rolled down to the new Nokia Theater next to Staples to check out the least embarrassing member of CSN&Y.

Felt like I was at a "building wealth" seminar somewhere deep inside Topanga Canyon. HILARIOUS crowd. Here's the list, from worst to first:

• 45 year-old Hollywood assholes wearing loud-ass ADIDAS sneakers and gay-ass $300 Ron Jaworski frames

Jaws knows DAMN WELL that he can't wear those glasses around Buffalo. Please, bro.

• ZOSO wizards with rubberbands in their beards and long, flowing, vampire-killing trenchcoats

• Emaciated wicca white chicks trying to pull off the Pocahontas look

This picture is too hilarious and I stopped looking for other more Pocahontas-related looks, which Steven is known to rock.

• "Git Er Done" blue collar WWE fans with their t-shirts tucked into 10-year-old Levis

Sorry, I just can't get enough of this pic

• Skinny IT guys in loud, patterned button-down short sleeve shirts

• One or two old school Neil Young fans rocking the '83 Freedom tour shirts (or whatever year it was), pumping their fists and most likely still living in Mom's converted garage

Yeah, I'll take the doods wearing the 20-year-old tour shits over any of the other posuers any day of the week.

Anyway, the show. I think Neil Young's wife opened up, but she was brutal and I tried to pay attention to the crowd which was much more entertaining.

The venue is pretty nice, even if the LA Weekly calls it a "corporate music money pit." I was in row D facing the right side of the stage and the whole show sounded loud and clear. Then again, the Nokia feels like you're at a hockey game, with press boxes and shit.

Eventually, Neil sauntered on-stage and sat in the middle of a circle of 8 or so guitars. He looked like a luthier. He kicked into "From Hank To Hendrix" and his voice sounded really good. Following that were two songs I didn't recognize and then he broke into "A Man Needs A Maid," which has those annoying synthesizer breaks which always bothered me. Neil also mentioned a Norwegian cover band called the "Young Neils."

Let me tell you, this crowd was vocal. Neil would take a sip of beer and the audience sounded like he had just ended the war in Iraq. They were screaming out songtitles all night. It was a good vibe.

Neil played a few more songs, most notably, "Harvest," "After the Gold Rush," and "Old Man." "Harvest" sounded especially good and "Old Man" would've sounded even better had the high notes not been out of Neil's reach. No "Needle and the Damage Done" or "Sugar Mountain" or "Heart of Gold," but a great set nonetheless.

A half hour later Neil came back out with his band and kicked into "The Loner." Man, this dood still rips up it. In a hobo suit no less. I mean, Neil is up there looking like he just painted somebody's house in his Dad's sportcoat, lurching back and forth like Quasimodo and peeling leads off the fretboard like bark from a tree. Or something difficult like that. Nevermind.

"Dirty Old Man" sounded just as dirty and as old as it needed to--Neil fucking tore that bitch to shreds. "Winterlong" and "Oh, Lonesome Me" sounded really good and "No Hidden Path" lasted nearly twenty minutes. Neil shredded on a couple of Les Pauls (both with Bigsbys, one of which is called "Old Black") a Les Paul Special and a Gretsch White Falcon. He was backed up by Michael McDonald on rhythm and Ronnie James Dio on bass.

The show ended with "Cinnamon Girl" and "Tonight's The Night." I would've liked me some "Cortez the Killer," but I really can't complain: Neil only mentioned George Bush once and the crowd had a lot more balls than I expected. A great show. Steep ticket price, but very satisfying. Neil Young for the Canadian presidency.

2007-10-31T19:40:00.000-07:00

POETRY SUCKS AND YOU KNOW IT

Man, I am just sick and tired of people talking about poets like the Pope and Mother Thesera take out their garbage. Come on, people! Poetry sucks! Who likes the written word so far from how one would naturally communicate? I'll tell you whut--I'll take a decent blogger over the poet laureate any damn day of the week. Write a check on that.

Now, don't get me wrong, I like some poetry (mostly song lyrics) and writing poems does take a certain amount of skill. But when it really comes down to it, poetry is cryptic and irrelevant and pretentious. Thank God for the straight-shooters in my life.

The first clip that bothered me (aka inspired me) was this dumb-ass Morrissey LA TV interview in which, in response to a question about who could be the next U.S. president, he states:

"Well, I think its a difficult question, because if you are drawn to becoming the president or if you're drawn to being a world leader--and leaders always mean bullies, they don't ever mean world poet--its always somebody who can bully and who can be a terrorist. You have to be a terrorist in order to be a president. So, the people who are attracted to politics are never good people. They're always people who are potentially terrorists and you can see it in all the people who lead our countries throughout the world, and they're never nice people."

Absolutely ridiculous. First of all, I don't want any politicians to sound like poets. Who wants that? I want politicians to be as direct and as clear as possible. I want them practicing "gotcha" politics....not "gotcha" poetry. I could give a fuck if they have iambic pentameter skills.

And second of all, Moz paints with far too broad a brush. All poets are good people. And all politicians are terrorists. Whatever, dawg! These statements are incredibly lazy and prejudicial. And they're simply not true. Just stick to recording albums, bro, and leave the politics to those of us without pompadours.

So after the Moz nonsense, I had to deal with UNC Senior, beer-hat owner and Daily Tarheel Newspaper columnist James Dillard stating, in defense of Senator John Edwards:

"You think about the words of the poet, Jay-Z, who said, 'I can't help the poor if I'm one of them, but I got rich and gave back.' To me, that's the win-win. And, so, certainly, a poor man can't run for president in this country, it's just not the way our political system is set up."

From ridiculous to retarded. First of all, Jay-Z is being referred to as a poet now? Please. So are all rappers poets now? Or do we need to refer to rappers as poets in order to take them seriously? I don't get it. I mean, I can agree that all rappers are poets, it doesn't bother me. Its just another reason why rap is silly.

And don't even get me started on the who-is-more-for-the-poor tug-of-war the Dems always find themselves in. Cuz its besides the point. Democrats aren't "for the poor." Democrats are for the government. Democrats want the government to be responsible for your survival. So if you have no dignity or self-respect and you want a Mommy in the white house, maybe someone like Maya-graine Angelou who can read you a useless word nerd Thesaurus Rex poem every night before you go to sleep, then be my guest: vote for the Dems.

Poetry fans...and you know it.

2007-10-27T18:35:00.000-07:00

DOES ANYBODY NOTICE ANYTHING ODD ABOUT THIS PICTURE?

Cuz I do. Call me crazy, but it looks to me like this woman has two different shades of skin on her face: 1) pale just below her eyes and up to her temples all the way down to her chin and 2) darker on her forehead and surrounding her eyes.

Now, I think this is a good-looking late 20s or early 30s Latina. Not incredibly attractive but definitely not ugly. Nice little see-through sweater, tasteful jewelry, no obnoxious cupsize.

But she looks kind of strange, doesn't she? Almost like her face was intentionally lightened.

Now, I know it sounds pretty silly to accuse Yahoo of photoshopping this woman's face. What would be the purpose? Is lightening her skin going to increase traffic to the Yahoo dating site? Is that the logic at hand? I went to the Yahoo Personals site and I saw a pic of a black chick. I don't want to accuse Yahoo of being racist.

Then again, all the other photos I noticed (after clicking around) were of caucasians.

See, I can imagine a marketing department scrutinizing the photos they are going to post in order to bring as many people to the site as possible. If they believe that darker skin will turn away the largest demographic in America (caucasians) then maybe that was the plan.

Well, maybe old girl was wearing some big-ass sunglasses the other day and got a facial tan-line? I don't know. I just can't imagine that the make-up artist or the model herself would've been happy with the way this photo eventually turned out.

And would Yahoo doctor a photo so amateurishly that even I could pick up on it?

Well, I don't want to spend too much time speculating. The photo is simply suspicious to me. I cropped it and doubled the size and it looks a little less suspicious, but the nagging, almost-surgical line is still noticeable. Somebody please clue me in.

2007-10-27T13:03:00.000-07:00

TRANSVESTITE BINGO/THE CELESTIAL MATINEE/LIA FAIL

Larry the Cable Guy, barely escaping the transvestite bingo hall.

Met up with a fellow blogger visiting LA on business last Wednesday. First stop was gay bingo at Hamburger Mary's.

Things got off to a rollicking start when my friend pulled a chair out from a table where 3 gay doods were sitting. She was bringing the chair to another table but I thought she was just showing me where to sit. So I introduced myself to 3 gay guys who my friend didn't even know and they were like: "Thure, you can thit here!"

Now, I had a fun time, but gay bingo humor (not gringo humor, but close) can really grate after a while. Gay bingo humor, to me, has three categories:

1. Relentless Double Entrendes. You can see these jokes a mile away, they're so easy and after 3 or 4 in a row they seem painfully obligatory.

2. Dennis Miller-level Gay Culture References. One of the big prizes for winning bingo was free tickets to a Melissa Manchester show somewhere in LA. Now, even the predominantly gay audience seemed underwhelmed. Eveyone at my table was like "Who?" That's when the host dropped another reference to someone I'd never heard of. See, I don't need Larry the Cable Guy LCD humor (even if the premise behind Delta Farce is pretty funny), but I don't need a string of LGBTQ in-jokes either.

3. Sassy Quips/Diva-hand Fashion Critiques. I don't mind a quality sassy quip here and there, but fashion-related humor always hits my ear in Joan Rivers's voice and always seems a little shallow. Someone could point out that I often rip the crowd at the shows I see....but I hope I can convince you that that has more to do with my wish that fashion played as small a role as possible in music.

No, this is not a scene from Brazil.

Now, I don't know how many of my dawgs may be going through this, but I am really starting to appreciate bull dykes. I kept looking around Hamburger Mary's and thinking to myself: OK, so the doods here are obviously gay, but all the women are straight, right? Its frustrating to look around and see a lot of hot, feminine women who could give a shit about dicks. I mean, I expect mature, intelligent good-looking women not to give a shit about me, but not dicks in general. At least bull dykes I can count out immediately.

Anyway, we rolled out to the Saddle Ranch at Universal Citywalk to check out a friend-of-a-friend's band called Lia Fail. I was hesitant at first considering parking is a $10 bitch, but Lia Fail was described to me as something like an all-girl cookie monster band so I was intrigued. Actually the people with me referenced a bunch of metal bands I don't listen to, so I really didn't know what to expect.

First band we caught was:

THE CELESTIAL MATINEE: Despite the dorky basslines, bad poetry bandname and the Macy's catalogue wardrobe, I was actually enjoying their set. The vocals weren't too annoying and they weren't acting like assholes. Then I checked out their MySpace and realized that they're a shite version of Incubus. Which is difficult to imagine.

Headlining was:

LIA FAIL: who are a pretty tight if unenergetic all-girl metal band. I was digging on three or four of the riffs, but overall, I couldn't get into any of the tunes. Some cuties on git and bass were distracting, sure, but not enough to distract from all the unimaginative man-hatin' metal. A lot of dorky banshee screaming, too. Sounded to me like the girls listen to Kittie when they should be listening to Crass.

They have a song called "Testicles" on their MySpace which is the perfect example of a songtitle ruined by a song.

2007-10-23T18:40:00.000-07:00

JAMC/EVAN DANDO

If you're like me and you can't stand live music reviews with too much irrelevant personal information, please skip the next 5 paragraphs.

Left Santa Monica after work at 4pm and the 10 was wide the fuck open. Took the 5 south straight into the multi-county real estate BBQ. Brown sky, flared nostrils.

Met up with a buddy of mine who lives in Anaheim. Split a 6 and got my ass kicked at some golf game on Playstation. I fell off the videogame bandwagon, but it was OK since Jacksonville was stinking up the joint at home.

Well, playing video games is never cool, and I promise I won't do it again. For an extremely long time. Unless someone bumrushes me with some Mario Kart. That would be tough to refuse. Especially if that person was talking cartoon-smack.

ESPN Zone had a 60 minute wait and the Gayforest Cafe looked like a scene from the Lion King: Temple of Doom with overweight caucasian tourists spliced in. So we were forced into the "Lost Bar" which is a tiny (and thankfully minimally themed) watering hole in between the hotels that resembles LAX on Wednesday evenings. Listless faces, exhausted families, gay European tourists. The food came about two minutes after handing the menus back to the waitress and it was painfully obvious that it had been microwaved. It was the first time I have ever wished that my food had taken longer to get to me.

Disney has that weird "showtunes" music everywhere you go which sounds exactly like what they would play at Elton John's wedding, as he's walking down the aisle in some goofy and unintimidating military outfit. I don't understand how people can work at theme parks. Call me privileged.

Oh, yeah, the music. Up first was:

EVAN DANDO AND HIS HOMEY: I really liked Evan's set since I was finishing off my 6th Newcastle by the time it came to an end. Thank God Newcastle is a dark beer, otherwise it would've been an embarrassing buzz.

Evan played a couple of Lemonhead songs (I think) called "It's A Shame About Ray" and "Into Your Arms." I was never a huge Lemonheads fan, so back off and bug somebody else about them.

There were no drums, just two guitars. The one guitarist was playing that glass-bodied guitar and he had a pretty crunchy tone out of what I'm guessing was a Marshall half-stack. He was staring at Evan throughout the gig so his stage presence was amazing. Evan seemed to rush through the set and once it was over, he basically ran off the stage.

Early on, he had played a cover of a song which I think is called "I'm Not An Outdoors Guy." It was great, I completely related to it. Evan also played a song called "Drug Money." Let me tell you, his posture lends credence to bundles spent...and the song is a great wink to any pharmaceutical distributors in the crowd:

I noticed the crowd was fidgety, but I thought this was an enjoyable set. Evan's voice sounded pretty good, and he looks very awkward up there. Very rock n roll. Had some Neil Young Crazy Horse moments with the Quasimodo-lurching and sloppy distorted solos. Evan played out of an SG with a single soapbar at the bridge position.

Headliners:

THE JESUS AND MARY CHAIN came on less than a half hour later, which I thought was impossible at the HoB. They played for about an hour and twenty minutes to a crowd that was less than capacity and (largely) less than enthused. Half the crowd was wearing glasses and I don't know if that's the new bullshit from Orange County or what.

Anyway, I love JAMC's stage presence. I don't mind high-energy bands, but performance "energy" sometimes distracts from the quality of the sound and the tunes. In the case of JAMC, I'm perfectly fine with them staring at the crowd, wearing sunglasses, chugging bottled water, whatever. And I think its kick-ass how Jim kneels down and stares at William's Orange cabs.

Bottom line is, JAMC songs are never histrionic or overwrought. And their stage presence reflects that. Plus, at least the boys are consistent.

Anyway, we got a lot of kick-ass tunes. They closed out the show with "Reverance" which sounded really good. The 3 songs off of Automatic sounded killer, though they didn't play "Her Way of Praying." And I like the new song, too, "All Things Must Pass." Also that track that rips off the riff from "I Wanna Be Your Dog." "Never Understand" was bad-ass and "Happy When It Rains" was bearable.

William Reid's hollowbody was squealing all night, although I thought he sounded too quiet at first. Couldn't hear the first few solo runs. Some chick got up to accompany Jim on "Just Like Honey." I think it was his wife or something...he said something along the lines of "....waited 15 years to do that."

Listen to the brothers argue about Morrissey. If you're in a band and you haven't argued about Morrissey yet, then I'm pretty certain your band totally blows. Remember: no one has to particularly like Morrissey, you just have to argue about him. Deal?

And check these guys out if you can. Hot well-adjusted chicks dig on JAMC. I didn't see one gag-inducing tattoo or ridiculous haircut or obnoxious outfit.

2007-10-18T17:00:00.000-07:00

LOUIS FARCE-AKHAN: BLACKS HAVE 'LITTLE JOBS' AND A FALSE IMPRESSION OF SUCCESS...DAYLABORERS OVERHEARD LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY IN RESPONSE

Anyone catch this horsehit? My God. Unbelievable. Is Farrakhan the Andy Kaufman of black comedy? Cuz this has to be schtick:

...a smiling Farrakhan strode onstage Tuesday night at the Atlanta Civic Center to an applauding and cheering audience of nearly 5,000. He warned the crowd not to be distracted by the successes of recent decades.

"We have to come out of the thinking of a slave and come into the thinking and acting of free men and women," Farrakhan said. "We cannot depend on others for what the horrible condition of our people demands now that we do for ourselves."

What? Blacks aren't free? Blacks still think like slaves? And blacks can't depend too much "on others"? Wait a second--this is amazing!!! (blogger over-used word alert, blogger over-used--) Is Farrakhan talking about welfare mothers? Awesome!

More:

The fiery orator spoke for nearly 2 1/2 hours, touching on issues including the disparities blacks face in areas such as education, health care, voting and incarceration, the Jena Six case in Louisiana, last weekend's arrest of Atlanta rapper T.I. on federal weapons charges, the war in Iraq and the Michael Vick federal dogfighting case.

He criticized both the black middle and upper classes and white America, and said that separation from a world of materialism and individualism was the only way the entire black community could progress.

Oh. Farrakhan is a class-baiting socialist. Of course--the poor never do anything wrong.

Well, you know, I don't feel bad for blacks. I don't feel bad for minorities, and I don't feel bad for women. I don't believe any healthy adult needs any pity. BUT. Speeches like this do make me sympathetic towards blacks. Because they just can't win. Blacks bust their asses, go to school, start businesses, grow their families--and then they have to deal with Farrakhan calling them "materialistic" and comparing them to "white America"? This is bullshit! How come prosperity never seems to equal progress in minority communities? What a joke.

Why, Louis, must blacks separate in order to be successful? Don't blacks earn their keep fair and square? Don't blacks deserve the dignity of an honest living, no matter what it may be, and who it may involve, ethnically? Why can't blacks live for their families before they live for their race? Why compel destructive grudges and tribalization?

More:

In addition to racial disparities, violence committed against blacks at the hands of other blacks is also a threat — and one that did not exist during the struggle for civil rights, Farrakhan said.

"I want to talk to my gang-banging family," he said. "You make it very difficult for me. In the '60s we knew who the enemy was. But in 2007 you are the enemy. How can I do what is right by you while I watch you do wrong by one another?"

OK. I'm with him here. This is an undeniable problem that blacks need to take responsibility for. Good stuff.

More:

High-profile examples of success like Oprah Winfrey, Sen. Barack Obama, Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice give blacks a false impression of success, Farrakhan said.

Nonsense. What a cynical, jealous asshole. I don't like racial role models, because role models should appeal due to race-blind talents--but I'll play along. The success stories that Farrakhan mentions, why are they false? Why is their success illegitimate?

As a result, middle class black America has gotten too comfortable with the trappings of the American dream, he told the approving audience.

Oh my God--the American dream is not for blacks? What are blacks dreaming about then? Being Fabian Nunez's Bodygaurd?

Or maybe spending cheese, perhaps? That's the American Dream, right? What about selling cheese, though? No...I don't think that's the same thing.

"A life of ease sometimes makes you forget the struggle," he warned. "It's becoming a plantation again, but you can't fight that because you want to keep your little job."

I thought the struggle was to bring about a life of ease. And now that it has been achieved (to a certain extent), Farrakhan has to claim that blacks have only transcended to another plantation? What an elitist jerk. Blacks and their "little jobs." This guy should have absolutely no respect.

More:

The success of a few is negated by the continued poverty of millions of blacks in America, Farrakhan said, adding that now is the time to stop the cycle of poverty and violence.

"It's time for you scared-to-death Negroes to bite the dust," he said. "Our people must be free. This peaceful coexistence with the murder of our people has to stop."

The rally of thousands of black Americans in Jena, La., last month was a wake-up call, Farrakhan said.

"We should let the world know that we're tired," he said.

Tired of what? Tired of living in a land with competitive minorities? Tired of living with strong business, academic and athletic opportunities? Tired of making excuses for poverty and violence? I don't get it. Those blacks that do rise above poverty and violence are Uncle Toms.

Its time for leaders in the black community to loudly and finally condemn Farrakhan and his message. You reverends hear me? All Farrakhan does is foster guilt in young black men and women who may want to go to college to study law or political science or how to become an obnoxious daytime talk show host. The black culture is not a monolith. And that is because there is no higher purpose for any specific race or ethnicity.

Lastly, segregatation is not freedom. Check out Roh so-so deftly explaining why to Kim Jong-il.

Now, I'm not the biggest PJB fan, but here is a quote from the paleoconservative's book, "State of Emergency":

"In 1960, 18 million black Americans, 10 percent of the nation, were not fully integrated into society, but they had been assimilated into our culture. They worshiped the same God, spoke the same language, had endured the same Depression and war, watched the same TV shows on the same four channels, laughed at the same comedians, went to the same movies, ate the same foods, read the same newspapers and went to schools where, even when segregated, we learned the same history and literature and shared the same holidays: Christmas, New Year's, Washington's Birthday, Easter, Memorial Day, July 4, Labor Day, Columbus Day. Segregation existed, but black folks were as American as apple pie, having lived in this land longer than almost every other group save the Native Americans."

Where, Farrakhan, do you think blacks should go? Where do blacks belong? And if blacks were, somehow, able to segregate themselves--what would they do? What would be the purpose? Just another America with blacks only? Ridiculous.

2007-10-16T21:12:00.000-07:00

THE HILLARY CLINTON-BARACK OBAMA DEBATE: AKA THE PRAYER TO BRING DOWN WHITEY

Doesn't get much gayer than a black man with a mohawk in a hair salon.

Net denizens, please check out this article. A buddy of mine sent it to me and I told him it was "brilliant." Here's why I used a word that bloggers typically use more than oxygen:

Part of being real, said Ms. Vereen, whom everyone calls Miss Clara, is worrying that a black president would not be safe.

“I fear that they just would kill [Obama], that he wouldn’t even have a chance,” she said as she styled a customer’s hair with a curling iron. One way to protect him, she suggested, would be not to vote for him.

Haha! Tell that to Obama, lady! He doesn't want your cynicism, he wants your vote. He's not a child. He understands the risks of the presidency and the risks are outweighed by the opportunity to uphold his campaign promises. If he has any vision.

I think most blacks would agree with me that this woman's attitude is dumb and defeatist. Cuz how long should blacks "protect" themselves from the top executive position in the nation? If a Latino or Asian won the presidency first, wouldn't blacks feel embarrassed?

Eh, well....its ridiculous either way. As we shall read: in the great race for a minority president, the policies of said presidential hopeful are hopelessly irrelevant.

More:

And Mrs. Clinton?

“We always love Hillary because we love her husband,” Ms. Vereen said. Then she paused. Much of the chitchat in her shop is about whether a woman could or should be president.

“A man is supposed to be the head,” she said. “I feel like the Lord has put man first, and I believe in the Bible.”

Ridiculous! The Bible references the household, not a fucking secular state! If there is a female GOP presidential candidate who was to the right of Giuliani, to the left of Tancredo and better-looking than Romney, I'm voting for her ass. I put that on my family. I don't care what race she is or who her dumb-ass husband is.

Still no policy debates from the salon...

More:

Most polls here show Mrs. Clinton leading and Mr. Obama second, while John Edwards, who won the state’s primary in 2004, has been a distant third. Pollsters caution that polling in a contest like this can be unreliable because whites might not be telling the truth when they say they will vote for a black man, and blacks might not be telling the truth when they say they are undecided.

What? Every poll has a margin of error. How cynical must we be about this poll specifically? I need to see some statistics that prove that, historically, whites poll with guilty idealism and that blacks poll with paranoid deception.

More:

Still, Mr. Obama appears to have a big lead over Mrs. Clinton among black men, said Adolphus G. Belk Jr., a political scientist at Winthrop University who co-directed a recent study of black voters. Black women, Dr. Belk said, are divided equally between Mr. Obama and Mrs. Clinton, and significantly, perhaps a third are undecided.

“They stand at the intersection of race, class and gender,” he said. “Black men say to them, ‘Sister, are you with us?’ and at the same time white women say, ‘Sister, are you with us?’”

If this is the truth, this is sad. So black women are torn between voting for their race or their sex? WHY THE FUCK AREN'T THEY VOTING REGARDING POLICIES? Why is there no debate between conservative and liberal ideas? Is there no voice of dissension? Is everyone robotically Democrat? With default beside-the-point Democratic ideals? Well, can they at least name one of those ideals? (Aha! Trick question.)

Hmmm..."We won't vote conservative....because we never have..."

Speaking of sad:

In interviews with more than three dozen black women both here and in Columbia, the state capital, most said they were still puzzling over which way to go. Some said that specific issues like health care and education were important to them, but most thought their votes would be based on intangibles and determined in the end by prayer.

NOOOOOOO!!!! Most black women are voting on "intangibles" with prayer as an arbiter? Nooooo!!!! This is a nightmare! Let's talk issues, ladies! OK? Health care? Sure--let's privatize it. Keep the FDA, but let health care companies compete across state lines. The government should not be keeping us healthy or paying our hospital bills. As adults, that's our personal responsibility. Health care is not a constitutional right and we are not guaranteed healthy lives or injury-free bodies. Let's have some personal pride as adults and let's develop our own finances in the event of illness or injury. OK? Let's not rely on Edwards or Clinton to Mommy us into a socialized health care system.

And education? Let's privatize that, too. School vouchers, teachers competing for jobs. Competition can only help. Let's develop as many options as possible for parents to send their children to the schools they feel are best for their children. The parents who would prefer the state handle their children's education are thinking backwards and pulling themselves out of their children's lives.

The previous two paragraphs have more ideas than all the beauty salons in American combined. I think I can prove it:

Vanessa Gerald, 38, a stylist at Carrie’s Magic Touch, a salon around the corner from Miss Clara’s, said she was torn because Mr. Obama was “trying to help his people, which Hillary is too.” Ms. Gerald said she would “have to go with my faith” in making her final decision but was thrilled to have such a choice.

“This is history here,” she said, puckering up a client’s hair. “On both sides. Either way, it’s history. So let’s see what history going to bring in.”

Yup. All these candidates. So humane. They're here to help "their people." But are they here to help Americans in general?

And, please, please, please, provide some reasoning beyond faith for voting! This is so intellectually devoid, all these knee-jerk prayer cop-outs. See the pattern here folks: i don't know, i don't know, i like her gender, i like his race, but i don't know, and if i still don't know in 13 months, i'll pray. Retarded!

And why vote for a candidate for the sake of making history? Making history is secondary to a reasoned set of political principles. Which these people apparently can't begin to fathom.

More:

One customer, Maria Hewett, 63, a retired factory worker, told the others she would probably vote for Mr. Obama despite her fear that he could be a target.

“Things happened with presidents in the past, and they weren’t African-Americans,” Ms. Hewett said, sitting in one of two big barber chairs, her hair in curlers. “President Kennedy was a good person, and somebody took him down,” she said, prompting a chorus of “that’s true, that’s true.”

OK, well, at least Ms. Hewett does admit that the presidency is always a risk to one's livelihood. But then again she claims that "President Kennedy was a good person" and I bet you even she doesn't know how she came to that conclusion.

This one hurts:

Still, [Ms. Hewett] added, “Hillary’s husband has a lot of wisdom and knowledge, and that will help her.” This elicited another round of “that’s right, that’s true.”

“Whoever it is,” she concluded, “we just ask the Lord to bless them and take care of them.”

Arrrgggh!!! Do-no-wrong Bill Clinton and more praying for the (Democratic) candidates!!

More:

Gilda Cobb-Hunter, a Democratic state representative from Orangeburg, S.C., who has not endorsed anyone in the primary, said she had heard black women say they were afraid for Mr. Obama. “This really troubled me,” Ms. Cobb-Hunter said. “Maybe it’s a Southern thing. They want to protect him from the bad people, and in order to protect him, they won’t support him. They want to see him around, making a difference.”

What--Obama can't make a difference as president? He needs to be "seen around" to make a difference? I don't get it.

More:

Gilda Cobb-Hunter was virtually the only black woman interviewed who brought up Mr. Edwards, who was born in South Carolina. “He can be elected because this is still America, and white men still rule,” Ms. Cobb-Hunter said. She is under pressure from both the Edwards and Obama campaigns for an endorsement.

WHAT? So if Obama doesn't get elected president its because "white men still rule"? This is asinine! I'm telling you--how many excuses do the Dems need not to nominate Barack: he's a target, he's not white, he's not as familiar as the Clintons.

Jesus. Which one of these damn candidates has the best policies? Have any of these people mentioned any policies yet?

And, I'll tell you what, if its white men that are the big problem in America, then head on over to Africa where black men rule, or, say, China, were Chinese men rule. I'm sure that will solve your problems real quick.

More:

For many women, Mr. Obama’s safety and Mrs. Clinton’s husband were only part of the equation. They said they were also trying to calculate whether a black man or a white woman had a better chance of being elected. Which would encounter more resistance from the white male power structure? Would a black man stir up racial tensions that would boomerang and set African-Americans back?

“I think it will be difficult for either one of them to hold that position because there are still so many inequalities that exist, especially here in the South,” said Angel Clark, 42, a health career counselor who had just finished a walk in Columbia, S.C., with thousands of others, mostly women, to raise awareness of breast cancer. She is still undecided.

I guess maybe these people are pragmatists? They sit down and debate who has a better chance against the "white male power structure"? Yeah. What is really most important to democrats: a set of ideals, or a struggle to topple the "white male"?

More:

Tonya Thomas, 46, and Tina Thompson, 45, both involved in early childhood education, discussed their internal struggle over whom to support as they talked with a reporter after the breast cancer walk. Ms. Thomas said she liked Mrs. Clinton but was not “totally sure.”

“Men have been running the country for a while, and I’d like to see a woman in office,” she said. “Personally, I don’t feel the country is ready for an African-American,” she said, adding matter-of-factly, “He would be killed.”

Yeah, but by whom? My guess is by members of the Latino Florencia 13 street gang.

Finally:

Ms. Thompson said she was leaning toward Mr. Obama. “I don’t think they’d let a woman run the country,” she said.

OK, I think its pretty obvious that these ladies can talk politicians all day without ever talking policies. True--the article does run down a few of Hillary's policies ("her commitment to after-school programs, teacher-retention programs and health insurance for children"), but that was the author, Katherine Q. Seelye's, words.

My point is that not one of the southern black females interviewed determined the virtues of Obama or Clinton by qualities other than gender and race. On top of that, they were cynical about an African American even surviving the presidency and were frustratingly reliant on prayer for a voting tie-breaker. And with Clinton specifically, they mentioned her husband nearly as much as her gender.

In other words, a whole article about two Democratic presidential candidates and not one person interviewed mentioned a single damn policy. That's embarrassing.

Now, this might not be a fair cross-section of southern black females. And maybe the author cut a lot of quotes out--maybe all quotes regarding policy debate were intentionally cut out to keep the article focused.

But I don't think that's the case. I don't want to believe that the author had any desire to humiliate these women. I think if there had been better quotes, they would've been utilized.

And I think that beauty salons bring together women from all walks of life. I mean, thank God for beauty salons. Trust me. I'm a fan of what they do.

But to me, this article is a great example of the liberal tendency to twist all debates into race and gender issues. I just don't believe that Democrats have any interest in talking about policies. I think they always revert to racism, sexism and classism. Identity politics. Emotionalism and cynicism. Trading "inequalities" for irresponsibilities. And the customers and owners of beauty salons are victims of this anti-intellectualism. Every discussion revolves around identifying themselves with a politician...without ever agreeing or disagreeing with, much less naming, that politician's positions.

2007-10-14T21:35:00.000-07:00

JEFF ROBINOV: WOMEN OUT, METROSEXUAL BANK ROBBERIES AND HOMOEROTIC SUPERHEROES IN

Anybody catch the latest Hollywood gossip? Sorry, I know its pretty gay, but I can't stop thinking about how bad Dallas got spanked this afternoon and this seems like the only way I can keep my mind off of Brady's "perfect" performance. Here we go:

This comes to me from three different producers, so I know it's real: Warner Bros president of production Jeff Robinov has made a new decree that "We are no longer doing movies with women in the lead". This Neanderthal thinking comes after both Jodie Foster's The Brave One (even though she's had big recent hits with Flightplan and Panic Room) and Nicole Kidman's The Invasion (as if three different directors didn't have something to do with the awfulness of the gross receipts) under-performed at the box office recently. "Can you imagine when Gloria Allred gets hold of this? It's going to be like World War III," one producer just told me.

Why is this "Neanderthal" thinking? If actresses aren't making Warner brothers any money, why do they have to pretend its some other reason? Maybe Robinov should've been wiser than saying something so explicit. Maybe he could've blacklisted female leads without ever officially mandating it. Cuz I think it was foolish to gamble on such a business philosophy (which is all it really is) remaining confidential. Did he think no women would respond?

Of course, a producer immediately sends the quote to Finke and crosses his or her fingers in the hopes that they may have started "Word War III." Hollywood: more gay-ass drama than they could ever put to film.

Robinov: now getting laid about as often as me.

More:

Of course, Warner Bros has always been male-centric in its movies. But now the official policy as expressly articulated by Robinov is that a male has to be the lead of every pic made. I'm told he doesn't even want to see a script with a woman in the primary position (which now is apparently missionary at WB). Oh yeah, the fact that so many Warner Bros movies have been sucking at the box office for the last two years is all the fault of females. (Then again, Robinov's poorly performing Superman Returns was criticized for its girlie-man portrayal of the superhero.)

OK, well, do we believe Finke? Did she do her research? Can she prove that female leads are the least of Robinov's worries? Here is her shitty research:

As regular readers of my own box office reports know, chick flicks haven't been doing well at the box office lately. But Robinov's statements aren't about women's movies as a genre, they're anti Hollywood actresses. Besides, neither The Brave One nor The Invasion were classic chick flicks, either. "It's a phenomenal thing to say. What are we in the 1700s where women are back to being barefoot and pregnant?" a producer railed. "What's next -- fire all the Warner Bros women executives?"

So, chick flicks aren't doing well, but WB's big flops haven't been "classic" chick flicks? So how "Neanderthal" can Robinov be considered if he at least tried to put out films that weren't as usually dumb and insulting and fantastical as the typical chick flick nonsense? What's a chick flick anyway? Hugh Grant acting gay? Charlie's Angels? Brad Pitt and George Clooney and their metrosexual bank robbery drudgeries? Gimme a break.

And please with the producer comparing Robinov's business decision to the 1700s (!!!) and the lazy joke about firing all female executives. If these executives were that upset about Robinov's philosophy...they would quit. Or sue, perhaps.

More:

UPDATE: Noted women's rights attorney Gloria Allred just gave me this statement in response to what I've posted above: "If that's what he said, when movies with men as the lead fail, no one says we'll stop making movies with men in the lead.

Hmmmm...no relation to Pelosi?

Ridiculous. The vast majority of movies feature men in the lead. You can't compare the two.

Also, why aren't women held to blame for not attending films featuring female leads? Why don't women hold themselves accountable for not watching movies that paint women as strong and intelligent and successful?

Well....you know I'm being rhetorical. Because women prefer male leads after all. I beg anyone to prove otherwise. And name the last "chick flick" blockbuster, folks.

More from "Glo":

This is an insult to all moviegoers and particularly women. It is truly unfortunate that women get blamed for decisions which are made by men. Instead of taking responsibility for their own lack of judgment about which scripts to make, directors to hire and budgets to OK, some men in the movie industry find it easier to place blame for their lack of success on women leads and to exclude talented female actors from the top employment opportunities in Hollywood in favor of macho males. If that studio confirms that their policy is to now exclude women as leads, then my policy would be to boycott films made by Warner Bros."

Agreed. Boycott Warner Brothers ladies. See where it gets you. Finke is absurd and so is Allred.

The real problem is that women need to start writing and directing their own films. They need to take control. Bloggers and lawyers can whine all day and night about how sexist Robinov's policy is, but its pure dollars and cents. Its a business and in order to survive it will implement some insensitive business models.

Hollywood traditionally never pleases anybody. Its always blamed for under-representing or over-stereotyping minorities. And now its accused of trying to keep women "barefoot and pregnant." How silly. When will people grow up and admit that Hollywood needs to make money and the only way to do that is to cater to the largest and wealthiest movie-going demographics? The only way women and minorities will ever change Hollywood is to stop bitching and moaning and to make their own movies. Stop being cynical and stop pretending that you're helpless children with no recourse aside from blogs and frivolous litigation.

Then again, its overall such a sad scene. Hollywood is little more than a never-ending shallow prom. Its foolish to rely on your census category's representation in the movies for your pride and self-worth.

Finally, I think Robinov is foolish to completely remove female leads, and even more foolish to mandate such a philosophy. I think its unnecessary and it will be a bad business move in the long run. He should've just kept the idea to himself and seriously limited female leads as opposed to outright banning them.

But. I don't think he is being "Neanderthal" and I don't think he is "bitchslapping" women either. I think he thinks he's doing what is best for Warner Bros. and that's all. Say WB started pumping out flicks with gay leads or Asian leads and all the films tanked? Could you blame Robinov for steering away from such leads? Give him a break.

Painfully self-congratulatory follow-up from Finke is here. She has contact with Robinov that she describes as both "extremely cordial" and "charming." I'm sure Allred is proud of her.

2007-10-14T09:19:00.000-07:00

MORRISSEY: AD INFI-PALLADIUM

For the sold-out final performance at the Palladium, it didn't seem too crowded. Gladiolis. Check. Greasers. Check. Overweight goth tattoo posse. Check. Republi-skins. One or two.

I'm still not too hip on Kristeen Young, though my friends enjoyed her set. I'm just getting a Tori Amos if-she-kinda-rocked vibe. She's not bad. I just hear a lot of junk-chord keyboard slamming and over-complicated falsetto vox. I don't have the lyric sheet in front of me, but I'm betting the next paycheck that there is some serious man-hating going on.

Moz kicked off with "How Soon Is Now?" and it sounded great. As usual. Drummer ends it on a big-ass drum and I don't know what its called, but it sounds killer.

Things were going great ("The Loop" slayed) until we heard "Jack the Ripper" for the millionth time and the slow-ass version of "Sister, I'm a Poet." I really like "Tomorrow" but it sounds thin live. The bassline plays a huge role in that song and I don't think the bass was mixed high enough all night.

The Smiths songs played were:

How Soon Is Now?
London
Death of a Disco Dancer
Shoplifters Of The World Unite
Stretch Out And Wait

So we were shorted Please, Please, Please and Boy With a Thorn and there was a fairly-disappointing one-song encore of "First Of The Gang To Die."

Also, Moz changes up the lyrics in "Irish Blood, English Heart" from "The English are sick to death of labor" to "Americans are sick to death of Republicans" which prompted some friends to sarcastically pat me on the back since every concert I go to someone grabs a mic and rips a Republican before their record contract is shredded.

At the end of the show, Boz took off his shirt and bashed the gong about 5 times. It felt like I was watching some kind of twisted Japanese game show. And I thought Moz should demand Boz take his shirt off during every gig, at least so Moz can appear relatively in shape.

Anyway, I thought y'all might like this Moz interview in which he is wearing a painfully small "polo" and drops some retarded quotes:

"You have to be a terrorist in order to be a president."

"Rock n roll is policed very carefully, because its the only freedom on the planet."

Its sad how unreliable his quotes are nowadays.

2007-10-13T14:24:00.000-07:00

2,000 YEARS OF WESTERN THOUGHT STILL STRUGGLING WITH IMPENETRABLE MYSTERY OF AVERAGE ASIAN WOMAN

Yup. Stumbled upon this jem a few days ago. These quotes are unbelievable:

Why are American film stars into Korean women? Kenny, an executive at a LA Koreatown broadcasting company, said in an interview with a Korean broadcaster that, “Korean women are submissive and kind. They are known to make breakfast, lunch and dinner for their husbands, help their husbands well, and raise children well."

OK. If this is true, and I'm not saying it is, but if it is true, can you blame any man for wanting this? I know we're venturing close to euphemisms for "barefoot and pregnant," but how embarrassed should a man feel for wanting a wife who cooks all their meals and is dedicated to raising their children? Why confuse a man's desire for a traditional wife with a desire to keep a woman uneducated or unambitious?

The thing that sticks out to me is, do Korean women really corner the "submissive" market? Why aren't American men (much less "film stars") interested in Indian, Russian or Persian women as much as Korean women? Doesn't the "traditional" wife come from all corners of the globe? (With the noticeable exception of America?) I think that's the key here--are American men attracted to specific ethnicities as much as they are to simple "foreignness"?

More:

There are also those who feel that in the eyes of Western men, East Asian women possess a sort of mysteriousness about them. They say that one can grow fond of the unknown “Orient." 24-year-old James Cecil, an American living in Korea, said, “Even Korean women who are not though[t] of as pretty by Korean men can give a sense of mystery to Western men.”

What an asshole. This idea that Asian women are "mysterious" makes Western men seem childish and innocent and Asian women seem like assembly-line Mona Lisa nun-bots. When two adults meet and begin a serious relationship that blossoms into a family--how much "Asian mystery" was solved along the way? Retarded.

More:

29-year-old English teacher Mike Conforty said, “Korean women are gentle, feminine and quiet. I think Korean women are the prettiest of all East Asian women.”

OK. OK. Now we're talking. Grace is the word I believe Mike is looking for. Grace, as opposed to "submissiveness." And although Mike doesn't say it, by using the word "prettiest," he is getting close to translating the truth behind the Asian female "mystique."

More:

Western men also seem to find the purity and conservativeness of Korean women attractive.

The "purity"! Ha!

More:

25-year-old USFK soldier Blake Selesnew said, “American women are too materialistic, but Korean women aren’t. They seem less snobby.” Korea University English instructor Zane Ivy said, “Korean women are conservative. They are conscience of what people around them think, depend on their families and parents and are submissive.”

Alright, this article really manages to embarrass all parties involved, doesn't it? And Blake illustrates that foreignness is the major distinction Western men are looking for. White American women--are they really that much more snobby and materialistic than their Korean-American counterparts? I highly doubt it.

And Zane drops the brutal "submissive" term which makes me wince and must make most American women scream. But hold on. When a woman is described as "submissive," does that necessarily mean she is the obediant 2nd class? Slavish?

I think we have to be realistic about how families work, and how decisions get made within families. I don't think men truly dream of a woman they can boss around. I think a natural man dreams of how he can keep his wife happy and off his back. And I think the American male's desire for "submissiveness" comes down to a need for a certain executive leverage within the household. As in, a grown man's desire for a line-item veto. Not that of a brow-beaten maid (who may need "re-education through labor").

Anyway, let's face it everybody: the Asian appeal exists. Its not exotic and its not mysterious. Its really very simple: its physical. We have to sit through all of the bullshit about the dumb-ass Orient, when men are never truly that poetic about it. I won't list all of the traits out, but the typical physical characteristics of an Asian female are the ultimate secrets to unlocking their "mystery." Sorry. There never was a mystery in the first place--except maybe a bullshit legend passed down by Western men who were never able to romance any Asian women.

Factor in the high levels of education (notice I'm not saying they're naturally more intelligent than any other demographic) and you have, on average, (outside of Southeast Asia, perhaps), a highly competitive, high-achieving and highly-sought-after woman. Other ladies can complain or catch up.

Furthermore, us doods consistently have to deal with women talking about their ethnic tastes in men. Who gives a damn, really, if a woman prefers blacks or Asians or Latinos or whites? What the fuck can you do about it? And how much time can a man spend being jealous of someone he'll never resemble?

All I would wish is that men could be just as unashamed as women in our personal preferences, that we could stop pretending that any kind of woman has anything close to a "mysterious" or "submissive" appeal. After all, those two stereotypes are pretty much contradictory.

Man, I just can't figure this girl out.

2007-10-09T17:49:00.000-07:00

WHO GIVES A HOT DAMN?

Sayonara. And, you know what, I don't even dislike Joe Torre. I don't watch enough baseball to really care. But when Dallas pulls out a miracle and Nick Folk kicks two 53-yard field goals to win the ballgame in the final seconds....and every channel I flip to is showing Joe Torre and his Tales From the Crypt emphysema press conference act....I'm fucking irate! Who gives a shit about baseball when you can watch this and this and this?

Anyway, same goes for the 2nd-least annoying member of the Shitty Triplets:

Seriously. Who gives a hot damn? Now, don't get me wrong, Thurman was a great back for many years, but he was so disappointed in the Bills' loss last night, that he left the stadium before he could be reached for an interview:

Decided to go over some pics posted on the official Buffalo Bills website:

Please, ladies. You may have the colors right (way to go), but your logo is a damn wildebeast. Nowhere near as classy and dignified as the star. Besides...you might want to win at least one Super Bowl before imagining you could represent the best country on God's green Earth.

...in what, necessarily? Shitty weather? Shitty Super Bowl performances? Shitty triplets?

Publicity whores acting like football fans. Get these ESPN employees out of my face. I bet these these beer-droids talk about TV commercials all day, every day.

Second from the left...is that one of The Fat Boys?

Wait...another celebrity was at the game? Frank Stallone in the wifebeater?

Oh, shit. Honkytonk Man is a Bills fan???

Hey, give Honkytonk Man back his belt. Come on, lady. ...Or whatever you are. And what's up with your boy? "Home Of A Bills Fan" is possibly the least intimidating statement ever.

Sorry, boys, but the market went to hell a while back. Hate to update you, but: Facepaint....worthless. Mohawk...(means you're) jobless. Bills win at home on Monday Night...Goodell is shirtless.

So I hope it was fun while it lasted, bros.

2007-10-03T17:43:00.000-07:00

FELIPE CALDERON: BLACK CONSERVATIVES ARE A NATURAL PHENOMENON

Yup. Felipe's at it again. Listen to him blathering:

Calderón demanded the United States respect "the right to work wherever one can make the greatest contribution."

Bullshit. First of all, "the right to work wherever one can make the greatest contribution" is not a constituational right. As far as I know. How does this guy have the nerve to question the human rights record of America when he can't provide any security or jobs to his own people?

Second of all, the West has no "moral obligation" to be the 3rd world's temp agency. Its insulting, its impossible and its bordering on Orwellian. No government should be responsible for deciding where exactly anyone should work. Or where we as individuals can make the "greatest contribution." All the government should do is make it easy for people to start businesses (as in enforcing laws and keeping taxes low). The free market will do the rest.

Third of all, what about the "moral obligation" nations have towards their own citizens? Shouldn't that be their primary moral obligation? Can't we all agree to that?

Has Calderón no shame?

"Immigration is a natural phenomenon that is economically and socially inevitable," he told the meeting in this Sonora seaside resort town.

No fucking shit, dawg! Ridiculous! No one is arguing whether or not immigration is natural or inevitable. That's obvious. But it's unnatural to purge your underclass into another country. And its unnatural to expect other countries to simply keep a stiff upper lip.

Where is Mexico's pride, Calderón? Don't you want immigration to at least stabilize? Don't you want Mexicans to want to live in Mexico?

Well, maybe he does:

In a rare acknowledgment of the costs of migration for Mexico, Calderón said his country "doesn't celebrate migration . . . our best people are the ones who go."

Does anybody really believe that statement? Number one, if Calderón was actually telling the truth, wouldn't he be able to share some examples of how he is bitterly fighting to hold on to Mexico's "best people"? Number two, are the unskilled and illiterate migrants truly "Mexico's best"? By what measurement does Calderón evaluate Mexican demographics? Truly fucking absurd.

Finally, I want to reconnect to the title of this post and make a much-needed suggestion to all the conservative pundits out there: get off Clarence Thomas' jock. Seriously. It is getting ridiculous how I can't turn on conservative talk radio or go to conservative blogs without being bombarded with taped interviews, live interviews, Anita Hill soundbites, quotes from his book, all that bullshit. Give homey his two minutes to plug My Grandfather's Son....and let's move on.

So what if Clarence is a black conservative? SO WHAT? Thomas has my respect. He sounds like a straight-talking bloke. And apparently he has overcome a lot of adversity in his life and has enough interesting stories to fill a hardcover. But. Conservatives are drooling all over this cat and it is a huge waste of time. Trust me.

Everything I've ever heard indicates that, when asked about issues, blacks are largely conservative-leaning. But they simply refuse to vote Republican. And conservatives sound desperate slobbering all over Thomas. Look what happened with Schwarzenegger! We can't trip over ourselves trotting out well-known minority conservatives. Its embarrassing.

I'll say it again: I respect Clarence Thomas and I think his book is probably an intelligent, uplifting read. But this guy is not running for office and he's not doing us any favors.

We have to face reality: the only thing that happens to minority conservatives is that they become ostracized within their own community. We don't need to market our party to these communities and we don't need to waste time proving we're "diverse." Fuck anything close to that. That is not what conservatism is about. Liberals will win pity-me and Daddy-me identity politics all day, every day. We need to appeal to the principles our party is based on because those principles apply to everybody no matter where they came from and no matter what they look like.

My message to the GOP in '08: absolutely no pandering. Treat minority and foreign conservatives with the same lack of awe as we have for caucasian evangelical Christians. Principles before personality, ethnicity and nationality.

Please. Get off this guy's nuts.

2007-10-02T18:30:00.000-07:00

PEDRO ALMODOVAR MAY IN FACT READ WESTOLOWSKI

I'm not joking. Check out this quote:

"In America, it's perhaps not a crisis in terms of creativity, but in terms of quality. The quality of films being made there is simply not comparable to those before the 1960s. This is more than just a juvenile audience, I think it's become infantile. More and more, these films seem like children's electronic toys, like Nintendo."

"David recommended his stylist to me. She just so happens to be Rue McLanahan's stylist as well."

Hear, hear. That Nintendo reference is golden. I am fed up with conversations about movies anymore....cuz they're usually just conversations about bullshit special effects in disguise.

The only problem is that Pedro qualifies his statement as follows:

"The sense of danger than was present in films before 1970 has been lost."

Eh...this bullshit is also played out. Quality is not synonymous with "danger." You'll find punk rock fans usually make this mistake as well. Art doesn't have to try to scare anybody in order to be "good." Usually art is only trying to scare the establishment anyway (conservative, caucasian, Christian) and ends up coming across as easy and predictable. Take the ridiculous pronouncement by Tom Morello prior to the "only" RATM reunion gig at Coachella:

According to Morello, Rage's re-formation seeks to "deliver a knockout blow to the Bush administration. And hopefully, one night in the desert is all it will take. They're teetering, so ..."

Absolutely laughable.

How in the world did this guy write so many kick-ass riffs? There are about 15 total dork moves in that single photo. Five of which are on his guitar alone.

In other movie-related news, Blade Runner fans should be stoked that they can now buy tickets to the NY and LA screenings for Ridley Scott's 190th Director's Cut. Release date is 10/5 in both cities.

Finally, I'm sure everyone caught these ridiculous quotes by Sly Stallone:

"I witnessed the aftermath - survivors with legs cut off and all kinds of land-mine injuries, maggot-infested wounds and ears cut off," Stallone told The Associated Press in a phone interview Monday. "We hear about Vietnam and Cambodia and this was more horrific."

Really, bro? Vietnam and Cambodia were less horrific than Myanmar? How in the world can you compare the Vietnam War and the Pol Pot regime to the monk uprising in Myanmar? Should the world "know better" by now? Is that your idea?

Seriously. Since when did Sly become the authority on Southeast Asian atrocities? Can he whip out a Powerpoint presentation to show the relative levels of suffering? What nonsense.

"Motherfucker. You're gonna pay for what you did to Paulie's robot."

Then again, the new Rambo trailer looks pretty Nintendo. In a balls-out, strictly-for-the-fans way. In a....way-too-many-squibs-way.

2007-10-01T17:30:00.000-07:00

THE 2007/08 DALLAS COWBOYS: NOT YET THE MAGNIFICENTS

That's right. We are not yet these guys:

We can't afford to be that relaxed. Not only that, but, Supernatural's rhymes are so dope--his mic is illegal.

Come on Dallas fans: shut up. Be quiet. Don't talk shit. Don't pop a collar, don't dust a shoulder off. Don't text message your homeys. Don't turn the cap to the side. Don't wave any "terrible towels." Its EARRRRRRLYYYYYY. Check out these stats. The 4 teams Dallas has beaten so far?

Combined record: 3-13

Mean offensive ranking: 24th

Mean defensive ranking: 19th

And the next team we play? Buffalo? They're 31st in the league in total offense and 32nd in total defense! We can't say shit until we play New England. You hear me y'all? STFU.

In the meantime, you can quietly buy some new gear, maybe throw a couple extra decals on the vehicle (although those window-flag things are infuriating and absolutely off-limits), maybe even put a silver-and-blue bandanna on your cat or dog and I will allow a calendar purchase at the cubicle even though it should already be there. Just to remind you, I have a ball signed by T.O. at my desk, so you're not even coming close to the pride-level at my place of employment.

But I'm keeping it quiet. I don't bring up the Cowboys unless they're brought up to me. And the chest is only swollen unless I'm banging out 2 or 3 push-ups. So do me and the rest of the respectable Cowboiz fans out there a favor and don't ruin the season for us--don't get caught up inside anybody's grill like this:

....cuz anybody that's been watching the NFL closely this year knows that Dallas hasn't truly been tested yet. We thought Chi-town would be a test. We were wrong. That team is so brutal and confused, they wish they had a QB controversy. That robot of a head coach is stammering at every press conference choking on vicodins cuz he knows the "city of big shoulders" is really more like the "city of dick holders." So I don't want to hear shit unless you're breaking down tape from the New England victories. Get out of the garage, buy a plasma, meet some chicks and shut up. Y'all my boys and all (Troy Hate-man is hilarious!!, called that shit last year) but that video is embarrassing.

2007-09-27T17:24:00.000-07:00

BAD BRAINS

Wednesday night, House of Blues, West Hollywood. First up was:

WHOLE WHEAT BREAD: or toast, or whatever. These guys are pretty lame. A lot of "whole wheat toast ain't nothing to fuck with" chants. Some "wave your arms in the air like you just don't care" nonsense. I'm pretty sure Lil Jon came on-stage (formerly of Lil Jon and the Ching Chong Dorks) and performed Bonecrusher's "Never Scared" which went over like a hot-air balloon accident. Banal. I don't get bands like this. They jammed out on "Bulls On Parade" and I was like, why? Where are the kick-ass original tracks, y'all? Do you have absolutely no identity, or do you not have enough songs, or what?

Well, after all, I have to give the bassist some props. He sounded pretty damn good. Then again...the HoB always sounds wide.

Uh, actually, bro...

Note to all artists everywhere: dance instructions are not lyrics. Get out of my dick with all these choreography lessons being passed off as songs. If you're a good band, the last thing you need to do is bum everybody out and demand that they move their body in any particular way. I never heard a Slayer song with headbanging instructions, you unimaginative jerks. Quit it with this crap. And don't even get me started on the dead-horse performance crutch known as call-and-response.

Next was:

BLACK PRESIDENT: Yeah, more like wack precedent. Somehow, this gig went from bad to worse. And, no, Chris Rock is not the lead singer.

Black President is a band?! Damn! They stole the 3rd SNL skit that I ruined as a movie!

Of course, Black President doesn't have any black members in the band. And rumor has it they were originally named Asian President, but the Asian bassist's mom got upset about that.

So once you get past the white guilt that inspired the bandname, you have to deal with unbelievably boring and typical riffs, vocals and song structures. No imaginative parts/breaks/melodies/banter whatsoever. Most of the songs were introduced by adding an F-bomb into the title. Example: "I'm Your Fucking Daddy!" and "You're All Fucking Suspects!" Please, bros. No one can beat Axl introducing "Mama Kin" by saying "This is a song about your fucking mother." Just quit it. There is no "rock curve" based on the level of profanity forced into a song. Just write an original damn riff.

And, yes, I know punk royalty Greg Hetson is in this band. Doesn't mean the cliches weren't in abundance.

Speaking of punk rock cliches, here are some quotes from their hilarious MySpace:

BLACK PRESIDENT is a band founded on the belief that the human race is angry, greedy, simple & ugly. we believe in educating ourselves, treating the world & people around us with the same respect we would take from it. we are not "politically correct", we're just not ignorant.

we're not trying to teach anybody anything but turn you on to you to teaching yourself what the fuck is really going on in the world.

"we are not amused~we don't believe the evening news~we are not entertained by the brainless, spoiled & confused"

Influences: stark raving hatred of the bush administration...and a profound love for sanford & son

Absolutely retarded typical punk rock bobble-head talking points. We won't tell you how to think. Everybody sucks. We're not politically correct.

However, judging by Black President's LieSpace friends, the ACLU, Al Franken and Al Gore tell them how to think and have somehow become exceptions to the "angry, greedy, simple & ugly" human race rule.

This is why political music is a categorical joke.

Finally:

BAD BRAINS: Came on and fucked shit up. Sure, H.R. cheats on most of the vocals, by smiling them out in a lower octave, but this band still rips it up. The songs are definitely slower, but the crowd's non-stop intensity makes up for it. The pit raged the whole night and I felt like I was wrestling for space the entire gig.

H.R. played backup git, and this had to be the first time I've seen him with a guitar. But he was strumming so lightly, and so occasionally, that I wasn't even sure he was plugged in.

Darryl is beamed in, though, barely pulling the strings while the bass shook the room (at least during the reggae jams). The drummer wasn't over-doing it, perfect time and fills. Wished he was pounding the kit a little more, but he definitely came alive during the raggae tunes. A lot of drum-delays and nice hi-hat work.

Dr. Know with his (what I believe are) pan-African-colored pick-ups just kills all his solos. He has a real metallic sound, reminiscent of Albino's guitar sound in Shellac if you add whammy. His old-school power-chord ROIR riffs jump out and grab you. Then the band slows things down with some chill-ass raggae. Half the crowd lights a spliff. And then the Brains kick-in with those I Against I/Quickness tunes and it doesn't get much better. Highly recommended gig.

The most hilarious part of the night (since H.R. didn't really talk at all) was a caucasian guitar tech bobbing his shoulder-length hair and dancing by himself behind the stack of Mesa cabs. The Brains can make anybody look halfway cool. Don't deny it. Peace y'all.

2007-09-25T18:52:00.000-07:00

CANADIAN NERVE

No, y'all. This post is not about the latest Rush album.

...Or maybe it is, I'm not sure:

Rush's treatise on multiculturalism and white guilt, fully authorized by all members of the band and a couple of dungeon masters.

No, did anybody read this heaven-sent article? Lawd JEE-zus. The Canadians are finally admitting that they don't want Mexico's cast-offs, either. There was a standing ovation in my chest as I read this piece. These Canadian officials make the Minuteman Project look like Enrique Morones's b-list bitches. Peep it:

Over the past three weeks, 45 families and 31 individuals -- approximately 200 people -- entered Canada at the Detroit River crossings and applied in Windsor for shelter and social assistance after filing refugee claims with the Canada Border Services Agency. Municipal agencies dealing with the sudden influx of mainly Mexican refugee applicants are renting out hotel rooms and bracing for predicted thousands more to come.

"We don't have the means, ability or capacity to deal with this additional cost. We are not able to deal with this potential crisis locally," [Mayor Eddie] Francis wrote [to Canadian Prime Minister Steven] Harper.

Aw, poor baby, crying about the first batch of 200 illegals:

Ottawa Mayor Eddie Farce-is, I mean, Francis.

So, tell me, Eddie: aside from a ridiculous socialized healthcare system, in what way do Canadian public services differ from, or warrant greater protection than, American public services? How come you're not called a racist when, like us and like most nations, you're simply demanding limited and legal immigration?

Oh, wait--I get it. Socialized countries have a harder time accepting illegal immigrants en masse! Oh....

This reflects exactly what I wrote earlier: if America can't provide jobs to Mexicans, they'll move the fuck on. Mexicans have no true loyalty to Mexico. But they have undying loyalty to their families. They'll go where the jobs are. And if for a second you think Mexicans haven't given up on their nation--ask yourself why these "ex-Floridians" traveled all the way to Canada when the trip back to Mexico is, at worst, equidistant.

Here rests something close to the holy grail of the immigration debate:

I don't believe that Windsor's residents and taxpayers should have to foot the bill for U.S. immigration policy," Francis told The Star. He was referring to the suspected source of the problem -- a recently begun crackdown on illegal immigrants in economically struggling regions of the U.S. South.

Haha! Ridiculous! This fuckface has the nerve to criticize U.S. immigration policy while he echoes it to a stricter extent! Not only that, but he refuses to admit that the problem is MEXICO--not U.S. immigration policy, not Canadian immigration policy, but Mexican lawlessness, Mexican lack of private ownership and Mexican lack of job growth. This is the dirty bomb of political correctness, as it creeps like a fog across borders and causes nation after nation to point the finger at big, bad racist America--while America has done more for Latinos than any other nation on God's green Earth.

"We must continue to pressure for humane reform, reform that is true."

I know some jerks out there will mention Native Americans and how we "stole" their land. Listen, jerks. The Native Americans didn't have a nation to begin with. They didn't have 'ownership' of the land since the concept of ownership was brought TO them. Just like the concept of the wheel. And the only reason Mexicans head to Indian reservations these days is to be duped into thinking they're going to be naturalized as American citizens. Seems like no matter what you do on an Indian reservation, you're gambling...and the house is winning.

Anyway, we need to bury, once and for all, this asinine idea that America was "stolen." Because in the context of recordable history, lands have been conquered and re-conquered all over the motherfucking globe. How do we correct every invasion, every war, every famine, every epidemic, every colonization? We can't! Its absurd. You know why? Because the logical conclusion is that the world would become entirely tribal, with everybody tracing their blood back to the corner of the world where it came from. And that is a racist, foolish, backward idea.

Let's imagine America folding for an instant. Let's imagine South and Central American regimes combining "forces" with Native American tribes and kicking all the "whites" out. Would America truly be better off? Would a Latin utopia ensue? Would "enough" pride be restored to the indigenous cultures? Enough pride to be worth the loss of American laws and culture? Latinos have to agree that they appreciate what America (by way of the British) has contributed to this world. If immigration patterns are any indication.

What if the founding fathers had written the Constitution in Peru and what if North America had been (fully) colonized by Spain? Wouldn't the wealth and freedom of the hemispheres be reversed? Is there any reason to believe otherwise?

Back to the article before I write anything else so obvious:

With the bulk of the latest arrivals being long-time Mexican illegals dislodged from their homes and workplaces in southwestern Florida, fingers are being pointed at unscrupulous outfits charging money and then directing desperate individuals and their families toward the Windsor border crossing.

"We are aware of these operations -- they have been advertising incorrect and false information," said Marina Wilson, a spokeswoman for Citizenship and Immigration Canada.

Pfff.. "Unscrupulous outfits"? What, like Bush's "coyo-tays"? Scams seem to follow illegal immigrants whereever they go. And they have shown, time and time again, that they'll take the scams over deportation. Bet.

More:

"The fact someone wants to come here for better economic opportunity or a better quality of life ... that's no basis for a successful refugee claim," said Immigration Refugee Board (IRB) spokesman Charles Hawkins.

Listen to Canada saying it loud and clear: we are not the 3rd world's economic refuge. We have a right to determine who enters our country and of those, how many. We are not racist. Though we are interested in protecting our sovereignty, protecting what it means to be Canadian. We have enough problems of our own and we refuse to be held responsible for the problems of another nation or culture which has given up on itself.

Of course, they would never be so bold:

"This is a problem the U.S. has allowed to create. It's really unfair for Canada to have to face this," said MP Joe Comartin (NDP -- Windsor-Tecumseh), his Party's public safety and national security critic.

"This is very much being driven by (the U.S. Department of) Homeland Security," he said, predicting that, "with few exceptions," most of these "economic claimants" will eventually be sent back.

Unbelievable how NIMBY these Canadian officials are. First of all, they don't have the balls to admit that the problem is one that Mexico allowed to create. Second of all, they pretend that their "refugee" laws are being compromised by our immigration laws--when the two terms are virtually interchangeable. Hey, Canada! We accept political refugees as well, and, just like you, we only desire a limited number of "economic refuges." We're on the same damn page, you fools! Why can't we work together to force Latin America to get its act together?

Immigration! Confrontation! Assimilation! Free medication!

2007-09-22T13:08:00.000-07:00

STRIPPER "APPLE" OFFERS HER OPINION ON THE DALLAS COWBOYS AS SPORTS JOURNALISM REACHES DIZZYING NEW HEIGHTS

Cheerleaders who feel their "on the field experience" entitles them to more football-related interviews, less competition with "3rd party" strippers.

Any Dallas fans catch this masterpiece? Sheeyit. You know all the haters are worried sick about Dallas returning to NFC domination and they are already trying to pull the rug out from under us by resurrecting the Valley Ranch ghosts. Now don't get me wrong, its early in the season, and although I am enjoying some quiet positivity my chest is not exposed. And I know that no amount of NFC domination is going to scare the Pats or the Colts. But I'm sensing some fear, at least in the jock-sniffing circles. Check it out:

DALLAS -- Like moths to a flame, the geeks file in … three, four, five at a time, some chanting "C-O-W-B-O-Y-S!" others talking loudly of the inevitability of a sixth Super Bowl title.

What a hater. This guy is obviously a Michael Strahan or a Joe Gibbs fan. Cuz Philly fans would never use such a polite term as "geeks." And I've never ever heard Cowboys fans chant "C-O-W-B-O-Y-S!" That bullshit takes way too long.

More:

"If you come here and the Cowboys are on a roll," one dancer says, "you'll know it."

Indeed. When the Cowboys lose and the city is, well, blah over its football team, the Men's Club's dancers often find themselves strutting topless before bartenders, waitresses and far too many empty seats. But when hope fills the air and the Cowboys are the talk of the town, the Men's Club turns into a living, breathing, oozing ode to breasts, beers and football.

"As the Cowboys go, we go," says Apple, a 19-year-old dancer. "When they win and the fans are psyched, tips are higher, customers come more often … everything is great."

Who conducted this interview? Steve Sabol?

Now, tell me, Apple. What is it again about your lapdances that is so crucial to the success of the Cowboys' offense?

What is going on here? Is Apple really that literate outside of her nightjob?

Get a load of this bullshit:

During the Cowboys' triumph over the Giants, everything is great. Fans roar with delight. Dollar bills are stuffed between artificial breasts with reckless abandon. All of the establishment's 20-something televisions are tuned to the big game, even as women strut to and fro, tempting men to give in to a $20 lap dance. "No better way to celebrate a Super Bowl," raves one man, "than with a little T and A!"

OK, OK. Constitutional amendment # whatever. Nothing you say in a strip club can ever be held against you. Its just ridiculous that anyone would quote anybody in a strip club anyway. Its not like people are prone to lying in a strip club. Its just that, hopefully, they're having waaaayyyy too good a time to be taken at all seriously. This article is mud-raking at its worst. A vile attempt to smear Cowboys fans as rosacea-addled oil baron fat drunken mysogynists. Bull-ridin, cat-callin, Bud-swillin fools. And it ain't like that y'all. Please.

Us Dallas fans in California can talk about the game at any minute of the day and in both English and Spanish. We bring the gear and we can rap about the decades. And, sure, I've bumped into some other Dallas fans at the strip club. In fact, I just ran into a Dallas fan at the deli this past week and, trust me, we bummed out the whole place as we broke down all the good and the bad from the Miami victory and how important it would be to assert some authority in the NFC by handling the Bears.

In other words, there are many, many Dallas fans who enjoy strippers like anybody else--but we don't need strippers to enhance the enjoyment of the Boiz puttin up a W. We're happy enough to piss everybody off for another whole week. Pats fans can't have all the fun.

"I told you not to get a lapdance from that skeezer! Apple can't give a lapdance without going to the press!"

But still, we encounter adversity:

It is, in many ways, a flashback to the halcyon days of the 1990s, when the Cowboys of Michael Irvin ruled the league and the Cowboys of Michael Irvin ruled the Men's Club. Back then, the Dallas secondary was known to occasionally hold its weekly positional meeting at a Men's Club table; Barry Switzer, the team's coach from 1994 to '97, raved about the club on his radio program; a wide receiver was even banned from the club for having multiple sexual escapades with strippers in one of the phone booths (free tip from your good friends at ESPN.com: Bring a cell).

Perhaps the establishment's greatest fame came March 4, 1996, when a police officer knocked on the door of room 624 of the Residence Inn in Irving, Texas, and found Irvin, cocaine … and a former Men's Club dancer named Angela Beck.

Hey. Its not like we were caught betting. Or cheating. Listen jerk-offs--so what? So what that the dynasty dabbled in cocaine and prostitutes? We were able to win and party. What the fuck do you care? Why would you expect any less of any grown man celebrating his team, his fame and his fortune? I don't advocate adultery whatsoever. But you can't take a Super Bowl ring away from an adulterer.

Come on, people. When Motley Crue sells a million albums--you gonna say its a mark on their career if they did drugs with a bunch of strippers? People may say that athletes are held to a higher standard since sports success requires good health, but I see a lot of aging rock stars who are in far better shape than me.

I understand the "role model" argument. And I admit I don't know what its like to have children. But what a few of the Dallas players did hardly makes them any different than any other Super Bowl victors. And it shouldn't count against the rest of the players who may have chosen more legitimate celebrations.

"Hey boys, I think Dallas is going to kick butt this year and I'm giving 2-for-1 lapdances after my set! I'm really smart and a little crazy, too!"

More:

"For us, the best thing is when the Cowboys win," Apple says. "That means they're willing to spend the dollars."

Two quotes from Apple? Two? This is a prestigious new peak for sports journalism.

Go Dallas!! Yayyy!!!

And, hey. Apple, honey. What, in fact, are these men spending their dollars on? Can you kindly go into detail for us? Thank you.

More:

Will the Cowboys, indeed, win? With a 2-0 start, there's reason for optimism.

"I think we've turned the franchise around," says one fan who sports a Julius Jones jersey but won't reveal his name. "A lot of people got sick of Bill Parcells and his strict ways. But with Romo, TO, the young defense, I think we're on to something. At least I'm excited."

He sure is. Moments after finding a seat, the fan's face is smothered between a stripper's breasts.

Outrageous. And then the author tries to make him seem like the exception:

Nearby his pals grin wickedly. Are they thrilled their 24-year-old chum has finally touched a woman? Are they elated by the sight of the strategically placed blue-and-red tattoo above the dancer's rear end? Are they intrigued by the unlimited possibilities the Men's Club seems to afford?

Nope, nope and nope.

They are watching TV … and the Cowboys have scored yet again.

I don't know. This is definitely a believable scene. (Although I can wait until after the game to see some titties.) I just think this guy is trying to cover up for the fact that he wrote an article almost entirely based on the testimony of two strippers.

"Excuse me, bro. Yeah, uh, real quick, dawg. Um. What do you think Dallas' chances are this year to make it to The Show?"

And I want to make it clear that in no way shape or form am I claiming that Dallas will beat Chicago tomorrow night. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty damn excited about the game. But after beating two winless teams, Dallas has by no means proved yet that they can handle the Bears' defense.

2007-09-21T18:47:00.000-07:00

A RUSH AND A POOSH: MORRISSEY IN TIJUANA

Irish Blood, English Heart, Latino fanbase

Got to El Foro a little after 9pm and I was late. As soon as I got in line I heard the crowd roar and the band kicked into Billy Budd. The ushers started waving people to come inside and hurry the fuck up so there truly was a rush and a poosh. Of course, I was standing there like a total homo, holding out my ID and my ticket and people were avoiding me like the plague. I felt like maybe I was wearing Johnny Marr's necklace.

The hilarity ensued once I got inside the venue. I had floor seats, but I spent a whole two songs walking around the mezzanine trying to get downstairs. Ushers were yelling at me in Spanish and I was shrugging and smiling like a moron. I whipped out my pocket Spanish-English dictionary and someone grabbed it and threw it over the balcony and laughed in my face.

No, I finally found my way back downstairs and onto the floor. The view was great, and I was closer to the stage than I had been at the Jimmy Kimmel appearance.

Went over to grab a brew and I had two bottles of Tecate poured into a huge styrofoam cup, which was a new experience for me. There was also a ten year old boy working behind the beer stand and I seriously don't think I even knew what beer was at his age. I am assuming it was his mother who poured my beers--but he definitely handed them to her.

Got my beers and moved right up to the front of the stage. I was standing, from the audience's perspective, directly in front of the left stack of speakers on the stage. Had a perfect view (maybe fifteen feet away) of Moz though I couldn't see the drummer or the keyboardist or Alain's replacement. The band sounded great and Boz was changing guitars left and right. The crowd was very responsive, singing along to all the songs and throwing up gladiolis.

The band was mixed well despite my position and I could hear Moz loud and clear. Moz told a story about being pulled over by the police in TJ and also added "Che Guevara" into one of the lyrics which bummed me out. Of course, I didn't let any dissappointment be known.

In the encore, Moz came out wearing a Chivas USA shirt and referenced Mexico throughout the night. You know, homeboy better show me multiple 99-year leases, cuz I'm really getting tired of all the deliberate marketing to the Latino community. I don't know about you, but I can't remember Morrissey ever mentioning Mexico until after the term "large Latino fanbase" became nearly synonymous with his name. I guess I'm just bitching because Morrissey doesn't seem to patronize his fans, and the Latino fanbase is the only such example I can think of.

I'm not really hip to the newest material since the melodies are plainer and the song structures seem more predictable. But the setlist contained six Smiths tracks, one of which, Death of a Disco Dancer, my drummer tells me, he has never played live before. And of course, its unlikely the Smiths ever played that song live since it was on Strangeways, which was released upon the band's demise. Here are the Smiths songs that Moz played:

London
Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before
Stretch Out And Wait
Death Of A Disco Dancer
The Boy With The Thorn In His Side (yeah, the slow version)
How Soon Is Now?

Full setlist here, courtesy of Morrissey "so low." Video of most of the concert here.

By the time the encore came around, I would say close to ten people got on the stage. One chick I'm pretty sure made out with Morrissey while a couple of other "doods" hugged him or held onto his hand long enough to require a psychiatric exam.

When the gig was over, I started walking down Revolucion, towards the bridge that leads back to America. The streets were empty but the bars were blaring. I mean loud-ass raggaeton and hip-hop. There is no such thing as a doorman in Mexico--cuz all those motherfuckers are spilled out into the street.

Its been a few years since I've been down Avenida Revolucion. It has, brace yourself, a casino now and some big bright classy food joint that looks remarkably like Quizno's with waitress chicks dressed up in traditional (I guess) long dresses.

Somewhere down the line a hooker asked me for a cigarette, then asked me where I was going and then went right for the jewels. It was awesome. I gotta admit, I was a little flattered. But I smiled and gave her something very similar to a Marion Barber stiff-arm.

Now I know this sounds like the gayest post ever--I go to Morrissey alone and then I turn down a hooker. But trust me, she was old. ...Nice tits, though.

Anyway, I can imagine some people might be suspicious that my Tijuana Morrissey review conveniently involves both child labor and prostitution. Trust me, if you're suspicious, you've never been there.

Check out our boy stating the obvious: "I don't see why pop should be silly." And check out one of Marr's best: "Girl Afraid" about 7 minutes in.

2007-09-18T18:03:00.000-07:00

ASSTON COOCH-ER

Now a better actor.

Anyone catch this nonsense? Oh my Gad:

"You don't know how popular the Book of Splendor is among Hollywood actors," Yediot [Aharonot, a daily Jewish newspaper] quoted Madonna as telling [Jewish President Shimon] Peres. "Everyone I meet talks to me only about that." Kutcher was quoted by an Israeli daily as telling a group of Israeli businessmen and entertainers on Saturday that Kabbala had answered fundamental questions in his life and made him a better actor.

The Book of Splendor? What the fuck is that? The Judaic Kama Sutra? Get out of my face with this book. I don't care what it is--if its popular among Hollywood actors, then it enjoys possibly the least respectable advocacy imaginable.

What everybody talks to Asston Cooch-er about. Courtesy of the Library of Congress.

Sorry, my Jewish friends out there. I'm sure the book is of a certain worth. But I'm already embarrassed enough for you. You have the entertainment world's prom puppets and porn star wannabes fawning over the "guiding text of Jewish mysticism." And the word "mysticism" usually twitches the bullshit detector off the scale.

Not only that--but its hard enough to describe Aston Kutcher as an actor. Who describes this goofball as an actor? He played a retard on a sitcom (which is one of two types of characters in any sitcom, the other being an asshole) and then he was the "curator" of the Punk'd show. If the Kabbala made this dork a "better actor," what the hell does that say for the Kabbala? Give me a break.

Here's another great quote in the article:

"Wherever there is holiness and sanctity there is also evil," added the director, who said that during her last visit to Israel three years ago, Madonna repeatedly tried to contact his institution, but her calls were not returned. "That's why someone like that lady - I don't even want to mention her name - is so attracted to the Kabbala."

2007-09-17T17:47:00.000-07:00

HUCK YAKUZA

Former Yakuza, forced out of "the game."

Yeah, you read right. Huck yakuza. As Sinbad would say, huck e'ry lass one uh y'all. These yakuza creeps bitch and moan like all of a sudden one day the world decided they were illegal. Listen to this nonsense:

TOKYO (Reuters) - With her dyed-brown long hair and tight designer jeans, Shoko Tendo looks like any other stylish young Japanese woman -- until she removes her shirt to reveal the vivid tattoos covering her back and most of her body.

Wow. Big deal. Body tattoos. Is that bullshit really an accomplishment or a huge waste of money? I don't know about you, but who wants to deal with all of that deliberate personality? She can't work in a strip club with all that camouflage, either.

Former Yakuza. Frustrated equally by English and tough new Japanese laws regarding dune-based graffiti:

More:

The elaborate dragons, phoenixes and a medieval courtesan with one breast bared and a knife between her teeth are a symbol of Tendo's childhood as the daughter of a "yakuza" gangster and her youth as a drug-using gang member.

So let me get this straight: this chick has a tattoo of a prostitute with her titty hanging out? Laughable. Would any dood out there get a tattoo of a male prostitute with his dick hanging out? Please. I don't think gay cats would even take it to that level.

More:

The author of "Yakuza Moon," a best-selling memoir just out in English, the 39-year-old Tendo says that police efforts to eradicate the gangsters have merely made them harder to track.

"The more the police push, the more the yakuza are simply going underground, making their activities harder to follow than they ever were before," she told Reuters in a recent interview.

What an idiot. I don't understand how statements like this are allowed. This is just like all the apologia for Muslim extremism (which Ayaan Hirsi Ali answers so deftly). Just because people continue upon criminal lifestyles doesn't mean we should give up chasing them down. The more underground yakuza go the better. Its not like they'll go so far underground that they're going to just disappear and become unstoppable anime demons or some shit. Ridiculous.

This chick...

...will kick this chick's ass. Trust me.

Though I'm not sure who would win if these next two chicks bumped into each other the wrong way at some ridiculous comic festival:

See, this one has that big flashlight thing.

Listen to this utter oblivion (specifically the last paragraph):

Police say full-fledged membership in yakuza groups fell to 41,500 last year, down from 43,000 in 2005, a decline they attribute to tighter laws against organized crime.

The number of yakuza hangers-on, including thugs and members of motorcycle gangs, who are willing to do their dirty work, though, rose marginally to 43,200.

More shocking for many in Japan, where gun-related crime is rare, were a handful of fatal shootings by yakuza earlier this year, including the killing of the mayor of Nagasaki.

Tendo said the shootings were a result of the legal crackdown on yakuza, which has made it harder for them to ply their traditional trades of prostitution, drugs and bid-rigging.

"They're being forced into a corner, their humanity taken away," she said. "All the things they used to do for a living have been made illegal, so life has become very hard."

Man, I am just fed up with people trying to draw sympathy for criminals. Huck yakuza. Huck em all.

2007-09-15T11:40:00.000-07:00

THANK FUCKING JESUS....

...its not the Cowboiz with the most female fans. Pats fans are probably relieved as well.

Let me know if the title of "NFL team with the most female fans" is worth it:

For more of these wannabe-mafia clowns, click here. Painfully embarrassing. Kinda reminds me of what it would be like if the mafia had a Star Trek convention. And no wonder they carry those goofy towels around wherever they go: they're jerk-offs. (Insert rim shot and "Dice" Clay "Oh!")

Though I kinda admire the gumption on this cat:

Just please, don't tell Bill about my site. Thanks.

"Westo-WHO?"

2007-09-14T19:23:00.000-07:00

FELLAS, JIM MCGREEVEY KICKS YOUR ASS AND THEN STARES AT IT

Well, maybe not always in that order. Check out this photoshop mastery from a buddy of mine:

Have a good weekend, y'all. Or hope you had a good one. For the original photos, click here and here.

2007-09-11T18:45:00.000-07:00

DAWAH DORKS, NEOCON MADMEN AND SENATOR GREGORY HINES

This one is painful. It revolves around a smug, unfunny gentleman from a Muslim student group named Dawah Works interviewing fellow Muslims about the hijab and why they are Muslim. One gentleman explains his reason for being Muslim as:

"I've just been exposed to it in many different varieties. I think it's the best out of all the religions."

I was wincing, he was wincing, and I hope you are too.

The interviewer moves on to a young lady who admits that she wore the hijab for a while before removing it. Her reasons are a frustrating mixture of sincerity, contradiction and confusion. She can't explain herself and although I was rooting for her to lay the smackdown on the interviewer, she was so unsure of herself that eventually I was sympathizing with the member of Dawah Dorks. Put her back in the hijab until she stops saying bullshit like "it doesn't really matter what people think," "good intentions matter more in the end," "it really affected me, what people thought of me, and it really made a difference" and "it matters only what God thinks"....all in the same conversation.

Nah...you're right. I don't want any women in the hijab. Stick that dumb chick in a cookie jar with eyeholes instead.

Just kidding. Homegirl was making me cringe. She's young, though. I'll give her a break.

Also, check out Dennis Kucinich trying to get laid.

From the same kick-ass site, Memri TV, hold on to your lunch, at least until you get to vomit in this guy's face.

Finally, some "9/11 was an inside job troofers" descend on a live Fox News broadcast and shit is hilarious. When Geraldo is holding a gay-ass tray of cookies...

...and tells you to get a life, you know you're in trouble. Somehow I doubt that the guy with the "Stop the Neocon Madmen sign" is going to get the idea, though.

Geraldo eventually started discussing the Senator Larry Craig nonsense with Dr. Victoria Zdrok, a clinical psychologist. Here is the doctor's hilariously obvious breakdown of the Gregory Hines action in the Minneapolis public restroom:

"[These] sexual urges are extremely powerful, primal urges. And what happens, this kind of anonymous sex causes [an] extreme adrenaline rush, which is a very high experience. And so [its] more powerful than anything else, more important than anything else at that particular moment."

No shit. Gimme your degree, lady. And shame on Fox News for bringing on a psychologist to help explain why gay men often hook up in public restrooms. The only reason it happens is because men will have casual sex whereever they can get it and bathrooms in America are not usually unisex. It is not a gay thing as much as it is a male thing. Come on people. You don't see this kind of sick shit going down in ladies rooms, now, do you?

"I used to have a lot of problems in public restrooms when I would practice my moves."

2007-09-10T18:37:00.000-07:00

DAYLABORER WORK CENTERS: NOT JUST HOME DEPOTS ANYMORE

"Nacho Libre to Tacos Grande. Nacho Libre to Tacos Grande. Pinche Blogger Maricon writing bullshit about us. Over and out."

Maybe some of the lawyers out there noticed this article. I thought it was a solid read. Here's a brief synopsis, let me know if I'm missing something:

A town builds a center for hiring daylabors after an anti-solicitation law is passed. The anti-solicitation law is passed, of course, to keep immigrants from standing around town. In conjunction with such laws, though, a town must provide an alternate venue for work solicitation since it is considered free speech.

A new mayor is elected and two council members are replaced. The new council decides to check the immigration status of the daylaborers who use the hiring center!

A man is ticketed away from the center for hiring someone soliciting work in the street. The guy who got ticketed sues the town and wins based on the 1st (free speech) amendment.

So the hiring center has to close now because they decide, after all, that anti-solicitation laws violate the 1st amendment. Furthermore, they decide that the attempts at banning illegal immigrants from using the work center violated the 14th amendment (which regards equal protection for noncitizens).

So, for the sake of free speech and for using the 14th amendment to protect illegal immigrants from incriminating themselves, daylaborers must remain in the streets.

Amnesty is the goal, one way or another. Either amnesty is passed into law or it will be acheived by never placing immigrants in situations where they will have to prove their citizenship. Can it get to the point where it will be illegal for an employer or landlord or state or federal official to verify whether or not an immigrant is legal? What is the value of American citizenship then? And if it has no value, fuck it, then, open borders!

And why aren't prostitutes protected by the 1st amendment? Why hasn't the ACLU filed suit yet on a prostitution union's behalf?

Seriously, though. I actually think the daylaborer work center is a great idea. Certainly it would clean up all the Home Depots in southern California. And if these centers were not open to illegal immigrants, it would help prevent employers from breaking the law.

2007-09-09T08:23:00.000-07:00

"I AM NOT HERE TO PLAY LAUGHING HOMOSEXUALS WITH YOU" AND OTHER ASIAN NEWS

I'm not sure if the above quote is at all in reference to the gentleman below...

Courtesy of Mainichi.

...but I think I'm going to use the quote the next time I bump into any chick who assumes I want to talk about clothes or celebrities or food. In fact, I might just carry a bullhorn around that has "NO LAUGHING HOMOSEXUALS" written alphabet-soup style on the sides. The inspiration being obvious:

Judging by their expressions, its likely that the geishas below may have said the same exact thing to German Chancellor Angela Merkel:

Also courtesy of Mainichi.

They certainly don't seem amused. And here I thought amusement was their trade.

Oh well, geishas have a lot of competition out there:

Yet more Mainichi.

Maybe the Hello Kitty geisha is putting pressure on actual geishas to develop more cartoonishly subservient disciplines. And that's gonna be tough.

Speaking of disciplines, we still see the air guitar champion getting international exposure while kick-ass Japanese bands who actually rock wallow in obscurity:

Possibly Greg Dulli in disguise.

Also a long-overdue and much-needed memo to Asia: Quit it will all the "lucky cat" bullshit. Cats have absolutely nothing to do with good luck, good fortune, etc. Its a ridiculous idea and I'm tired of seeing goofy half-human smiling cats everywhere throwing up a peace sign and winking at me like I'm 3 years old. As if real cats had any personality or appreciation for humanity.

I guess in Hinduism, though, cats ain't shit next to goats:

Illiterate Sky God appeaser and Boeing aircraft technician.

Check out this superstitious nonsense coming out of Nepal:

KATHMANDU (Reuters) - Officials at Nepal's state-run airline have sacrificed two goats to appease Akash Bhairab, the Hindu sky god, following technical problems with one of its Boeing 757 aircraft, the carrier said Tuesday.

Nepal Airlines, which has two Boeing aircraft, has had to suspend some services in recent weeks due the problem.

The goats were sacrificed in front of the troublesome aircraft Sunday at Nepal's only international airport in Kathmandu in accordance with Hindu traditions, an official said.

"The snag in the plane has now been fixed and the aircraft has resumed its flights," said Raju K.C., a senior airline official, without explaining what the problem had been.

First of all, its bad enough that anybody still thinks Gods get angry. But if they think such anger causes technological "snags" and that sacrificing goats is the only way to help calm the Gods down, then the whole country can be shut down and considered certifiably insane.

China Airlines has a much better, much more humane idea. The logo for their airline is actually a goat. And whenever there is a problem with one of their planes, instead of smothering a defenseless animal, they simply remove the logo from the plane.

Speaking of China, apparently some Shaolin monks recently got their asses beat by a lone ninja. This is sad, too, because now the world is convinced that Japan is tougher than China:

BEIJING -- China's Shaolin Temple has demanded a public apology from an Internet user who claimed a Japanese ninja beat its kung fu-practicing monks in a showdown, a lawyer said Friday.

An open letter from the temple posted on the Internet on Thursday denied the fight ever took place and called on the person who posted the claim under the name "Five minutes every day" to apologize to the temple's martial arts masters.

Monks from the temple, nestled in the Songshan Mountains of central China's Henan province, said they will consider legal action if he or she doesn't make a public apology.

Wait. The monks want an apology or they're going to sue? What the fuck kinda pussy shit is that? Just go find a ninja and kick his ass or something. Don't get all ACLU about it. Jeez.

The ACLU: Coming to China to protect monks against libel from pro-ninja online communities.

More:

The posting last week on the "Iron Blood Bulletin Board Community" described a ninja who challenged the monks of the Shaolin Temple to a fight in August after practicing boxing at a Japanese mountain retreat for five years. The Internet user claimed the monks accepted the challenge and the ninja won, proving the monks are trained to perform rather than fight.

The Shaolin Temple's letter said the posting was "evil" and "a pure fabrication." It said the account of the ninja's victory had been widely commented on and distributed, especially in Japan.

Prepared to litigate.

OK. It hardly needs to be pointed out that anybody on the "Iron Blood Bulletin Board Community" probably can kick my ass in a street fight using a few razzle-dazzle karate moves. But maybe in a bar fight I'd be OK. I'm not really worried about anyone involved in a "bulletin board community" at a bar.

Either way, its funny what some people condemn as "evil." In a world full of violence and corruption, the Shaolin monks choose to publically condemn, as evil, a slanderous post about an imaginary ninja. Surely no self-righteous bias is involved.

Meanwhile, in Japan, a photojournalist suggests that love hotels be protected as World Heritage sights. I shit you not:

"When it comes to places we visit on a daily basis, it's love hotels and not (Tokyo's posh) Imperial Hotel. If the Imperial Hotel is made a World Heritage site, we're going to be giving people 100 years in the future the wrong impression of what our lives are really like now.

"There's a reality to be found in love hotels, and it's important to preserve that as a record of what our current lifestyles really are like. We need to keep a record of a lifestyle that is in danger of fading away. Rather than preserving magnificent hotels that are a symbol of an unrealistic lifestyle for most of us, it would be better to look after love hotels."

I guess by this logic the World Heritage Foundation should be preserving Motel 8s, public restrooms and gas stations and shit.

A love hotel in Osaka. Courtesy of hotel chatter.

Alright, let's face it: as "real" as love hotels may be, they are places which facillitate prostitution and sex outside marriage. By preserving love hotels, the World Heritage Foundation, in a way, advocates such lifestyles, or, at the very least, positions Japanese heritage as advocating such lifestyles, and that is the major obstacle that Kyoichi Tsuzuki, an "expert on the humping havens" is avoiding.

I'm not personally against love hotels and I understand how many married couples frequent them and how they have been a facet of Japanese culture for many years. But the World Heritage Foundation should be protecting sights of special, rare interest, shouldn't they? And of those sights, ones with less of an embarrassingly prurient context, right?

Onto Korea and some handball controversy:

Korean handball players staged a demonstration in front of the Embassy of Kuwait on Monday to protest against what they say was a series of unfair decisions making Korea the victim of match rigging.

At a women's elimination match for the Olympics, the Korean team was upset by decisions of referees from the Middle East in favor of the Kazakhstan team which resulted in Korea losing. In the men's elimination match with Kuwait in Japan on Saturday, the Korean team lost the game 20:28 due to a decision by the referee they say was “extremely unfair.”

Originally, a German referee had been appointed to oversee the game, but he was suddenly replaced by a Jordanian. One Japanese spectator even threw a bottle into the arena to complain about unfair decisions.

I'm giving this Japanese cat some credit. He's probably the same guy who beat up all those Shaolin monks. This kinda shit may be commonplace in American sports, but the last thing I want to be doing is throwing anything on the field of a sports arena in the middle east. If I'm not from the middle east.

The sign loosely translates as a solidarity pact with the evil Shaolin-monk-destroying bottle-throwing ninja and a plea for Asians to come together in the face of biased Middle Eastern sports-officiating.

More:

Korea Handball Federation Vice President Kim Jin-soo and other executives tried to deliver a written protest to the Kuwait Embassy, but the mission declined to accept it saying it was not an official Korean government document and the embassy would have to wait for instructions from Kuwait. The players and officials withdrew after about one hour's demonstration.

Korea Handball Federation Vice President Kim Jin-soo.

"Kuwait's petrodollars are destroying Asian handball,” Kim said. “We will deliver the written protest by mail." Korean Olympic Committee President Kim Jung-kil also decided to send a letter to AHF Chairman Al-Sabah to ask the IHF and the IOC for an investigation of the decisions.

Speaking of Kuwait's racist petrodollars, I wonder if its a term included in the North Korean Glossary of Economic Terms:

North Korea has published a dictionary of capitalist terminology to help its people grasp basic concepts like “principal”, “interest”, “insurance”, “income”, “labor force” and “rent.” North Korea compiled 1,000 of the terms into a dictionary in June last year. Copies of the 220-page work were mostly given to economic officials or elite members of the regime.

Oh, OK, so this means that, largely, the populace will still be kept in the dark.

More:

In one poignant entry, the dictionary discusses “black money”, which it says is accumulated through illegal and criminal business activities and dealings and therefore cannot be publicly invested or deposited in bank accounts. It goes on to explain that the owner of black money attempts to launder the money through investments in cooperation with various financial agents and denounces black money as the product of a corrupt, imperialistic and capitalistic modern society, which is characterized by abnormal material culture, a shallow life of the mind and reactionary politics.

Man, the nerve of these fuckfaces. Capitalistic countries have a "shallow life of the mind," yet:

Former unification minister Chung Dong-young said while in office that he was embarrassed when North Korean people didn’t understand what interest is.

Ah, I am going to take some of you to World Heritage sights in Japan.

Finally, you get to hear the North Koreans admit that socialism is still an experiment completely at odds with reality:

The introduction says broad economic knowledge is a requirement for North Korean workers in managing and perfecting the socialist economic system in line with the demands of reality.

Please tell me, someone. How come whenever socialist economic systems are "perfected" they are inevitably brought closer to the idea of the free market?

2007-09-08T12:21:00.000-07:00

FELIPE CALDERON: MAYBE AN IMPERIALIST, DEFINITELY A JERK

I'm sure a lot of you are aware of the "Where there is a Mexican, there is Mexico" quote by Mexican President Felipe Calderon. And it's a ridiculous statement. Here are the rather obvious reasons:

1. There are millions of American-born Mexicans who absolutely do not represent Mexico. A lot of American-born Mexicans don't even like Mexico. They know it's lawless and depressingly poor. They know its infrastructure is embarrassingly weak. Felipe didn't specify Mexican nationals--so if he means all ethnic Mexicans, then he is entirely off-base.

2. No one truly desires a worldwide Mexico. Let me be clear, I am talking about the Mexican state, not the people born in it. And let's be honest, how far should the borders of Mexico be stretched? If the whole world were to become as corrupt and violent and poor, would Calderon be hailed as a visionary for expanding Mexico around the globe?

3. Mexican nationals may have all the pride in the world about their roots, but huge numbers would still rather build their families outside of Mexico. Despite Calderon's sentiment, immigrants do not wish to bring Mexico with them wherever they stand. If America someday turned into Mexico, and had no jobs, Mexicans would move on!

4. Calderon may very well be an imperialist, but one thing he definitely is not is a nativist. (You know--that word currently popular as a euphemism for racist?) I think we all have to agree that Mexico has mostly itself to blame for its population purge. And the passion the government displays for its expatriots pales in comparision to the sympathy it has for its remaining citizens. It's sad. It's as if Mexico is imperialist by default--because it has become addicted to exporting its problems.

Calderon's constant bitterness towards American immigration law shows how much he relies on painting Mexico as an aggrieved nation in order to stoke pride. Just like the rest of Latin American't, Mexico chooses to define itself in relation to U.S. immigration policy, and if this continues, and if Mexico is indefinitely unable to help itself, there will be little reason to listen to anything the Mexican government has to say. If reason exists at all today.

Finally, just imagine if Bush had said "Where there is an American, there is America" while wearing a sash of the American flag underneath his suit jacket. The whole world would be up in arms, insulted, outaged, victimized by our righteousness.

Yet the populations of this world still gravitate towards America. And I think we can all agree that if the American constitution were wrapped around the globe, things would be far better than if it were the Mexican constitution.

2007-09-07T17:39:00.000-07:00

THE CHRISTIAN WORLD OF LOVE

Did anybody catch this article about whining hippies? Check out this ridiculous quote from Ray Manzarek:

"We thought, this is it, we're going to change the world, actually we're going to become the Christian world of love," Ray Manzarek, 68, keyboardist for The Doors, told Reuters. "Of course, it didn't happen. Here we are 40 years later and we are still at war."

What a dumby. The "Christian world of love"? What the fuck is that? Where everyone around the world treats each other like some old lady at church? Please.

I don't understand. Is a world without war truly a Christian idea? Was the Summer of Love inspired by Christianity? Or is Manzarek just trying to make a religious reference so he can be quoted sounding intellectual or controversial?

Either way, his disillusionment is palpable. It sounds like he's trying connect the hopes and dreams of flower children to those of modern evangelicals in order to make everyone as disappointed as he is in the failure of 60s culture.

I just can't connect "warlessness" with a Christian utopia, though. And I don't understand why hippies think that universal peace and love is achievable. Number one, violence will always exist. Absolutely no doubt. Its human nature. So--who is willing to pretend that violence between nations can be eradicated? There will always be cultural and political clashes that people will feel leave them no option but to kill.

Number two, regardless of what anybody thinks about the Iraq war, America needs to defend itself. Can hippies guarantee that America will never be attacked, that Americans will never need to go to war again? America gave the world hippies. Should hippies step aside if America is ever invaded? For the sake of a "Christian world of love"?

Ray, please, bro. You made some amazing music and Lord knows, it doesn't take a genius to write a bad-ass song. Shut up and just play your songs, dood. Or I'm gonna send these cats after you:

Or maybe these guys, I don't know yet:

Ah, fuck it, I'll just send my dawg Jim McGreevey after you, before he goes to seminary:

Now, before I dive into the weekend, I wanted to link to this barely-related clip featuring MSNBC's Dan Abrams breaking down Christiane Amanpour's CNN Special "God's Warriors." Dan is pretty humorless, but I like his sedate conviction. Its killer about 8 and a half minutes in when guest Asma Hasan...

(author of "Why I Am A Muslim")

...claims that the CIA introduced the term "jihad" to Pakistan. Unbelievable. Too bad she's kinda cute.

Then Dan says "I'm sorry, my bad." a few seconds later and sounds like a total dork. Good stuff.

2007-09-06T17:41:00.000-07:00

NOTE TO NFL, ABC, FOX, MADDEN, MERRIL HOGE, JOE BUCK...WHOEVER: STOP DOUCHE-ING UP FOOTBALL

And by "douche-ing up," I mean squeezing pop stars into every possible intro/outro/promo/celebration/whatever. I get home from work, turn on the NFL Kickoff Special Preview and what the fuck do I see?

1. BELLY CLARKSON: I swear she was pulling Pringles out of her microphone. This chick is ridiculous. I have never heard more safe, plain and predictable music in my life. Utterly banal. Moron 5 rejects backing her up. Lyrics about some dood who did her wrong and now has to see her picture everywhere he goes. Shut up, Belly. Please. Whoever hit it and quit it is my dawg. Buh lee dat.

Insert shoulder pad joke.

2. JOHN COUGAR CONCENTRATION CAMP: Its bad enough I have to sit through his retarded Chevy commercial ten times every weekend until January. I have to hear him miss every damn high note in "Small Town" making Michael Irvin sound like Bjork and shit. Or whatever. Mellencamp could've belched the song and hit more notes. Absurd.

3. FAITH HILL: Somebody please tell me what the fuck "This Kiss" has to do with football? Please! This is unbelievable. Why do we have to listen to the gayest soccer Mom bullshit before kickoff? Why, God, WHY?

4. GOSPEL CHOIR STAR-SPANGLED BANNER: Dood. I am so tired of the "untouchable" gospel choir. You can't ever say anything critical about a gospel choir. And I'm not really gonna. Cuz I'm pretty much OK with their nerdy Sister Act crap. But its the Faith Evans-ripoff lead singer with the curly blond hair who feels the need to put her spin on the Star Spangled Banner and its always ridiculous guitar-solo vocals that sound like total uptight r&b bullshit. OOOwwoooowwowowooooowwowoooooooOOOOOWwwwwwOOO. With that crooked hand sticking out? As Tarbash would say, SHUT DE FUCK UP.

2007-09-03T17:18:00.000-07:00

RIDE OR DIE CHRISTIANS DISAGREE WITH NAS ON THE DEATH OF JESUS, HIP-HOP

Anybody catch this article about the state of hip-hop? I could read this shit all day:

According to the music trade publication Billboard, rap sales have dropped 44% since 2000 and declined from 13% of all music sales to 10%. Artists who were once the tent poles at rap labels are posting disappointing numbers. Jay-Z's return album, Kingdom Come, for instance, sold a gaudy 680,000 units in its first week, according to Billboard. But by the second week, its sales had declined some 80%. This year rap sales are down 33% so far.

I told you, son!

I don't know if "unit sales" in this day and age are at all a barometer of popularity, but its nice to hear that rap isn't selling too well. If its because of illegal downloads, though, I'm not particularly happy about that. I wish rap was marginalized, certainly, but the record labels and rap artists are entitled to their fair share. Even as purveyors of extremely uptight and arrogant music.

More:

Both rappers and music execs are clamoring for solutions. Russell Simmons recently made a tepid call for rappers to self-censor the words nigger and bitch from their albums. But most insiders believe that a debate about profanity and misogyny obscures a much deeper problem: an artistic vacuum at major labels. "The music community has to get more creative," says Steve Rifkin, CEO of SRC Records. "We have to start betting on the new and the up-and-coming for us to grow as an industry. Right now, I don't think anyone is taking chances. It's a big-business culture."

But as the article clearly states elsewhere, rap has always been incredibly business-savvy. This is the same music format which describes itself as "the game," an undeniable insult to its fans:

...In 1995 [C. Delores] Tucker succeeded in forcing Time Warner to dump Interscope.

"Jesus was most certainly a 'Ride or Die' Jew."

Her victory was Pyrrhic. Interscope flourished, launching artists like 50 Cent and Eminem and distributing the posthumous recordings of Shakur. And the genre exploded across the planet, with rappers emerging everywhere from Capetown to the banlieues of Paris. In the U.S. alone, sales reached $1.8 billion.

The lesson was Capitalism 101: rap music's market strength gave its artists permission to say what they pleased. And the rappers themselves exhibited an entrepreneurial bent unlike that of musicians before them. They understood the need to market and the benefits of line extensions. Theirs was capitalism with a beat.

Capitalism with a beat? Maybe that's why rap sounds so shitty--cuz its shallow, deliberate, recycled, cross-marketed and predictable.

The Time article elaborates:

It's the ultimate irony. Since the 1980s, when Run-DMC attracted sponsorship from Adidas, the rap community has aspired to be big business. By the '90s, those aspirations had become a reality. In a 1999 cover story, TIME reported that with 81 million CDs sold, rap was officially America's top-selling music genre. The boom produced enterprises like Roc-A-Fella, which straddled fashion, music and film and in 2001 was worth $300 million. It produced moguls like No Limit's Master P and Bad Boy's Puff Daddy, each of whom in 2001 made an appearance on FORTUNE's list of the richest 40 under 40. Along the way, the music influenced everything from advertising to fashion to sports.

Exactly what we need in Iraq.

The growth spurt was fueled by sensationalism. Tupac Shakur shot at police, was convicted of sexual abuse and ultimately was murdered in Las Vegas. But Shakur both alive and dead has also sold more than 20 million records. Death Row Records, which released much of Shakur's material, was run by ex-con Suge Knight and dogged by rumors of money laundering. But between 1992 and 1998, the label churned out 11 multiplatinum albums. Gangsta rappers reveled in their outlaw mystique, crafting ultra-violent tales of drive-bys and stick-ups designed to shock and enthrall their primary audience--white suburban teenagers. "Hip-hop seemed dangerous; it seemed angry," says Richard Nickels, who manages the hip-hop band the Roots. "Kurt Cobain killed himself, and rock seemed weak. But then you had these black guys who came out and had guns. It was exciting to white kids."

OK, I'm going to concede that rap really crossed-over to white audiences once it proved it could be outrageously violent and misogynistic. Or at least that's when the MSM caught on. (Either way, congratulations, y'all, way to go.)

But let's not pretend that black audiences weren't just as "excited" to see gangsta rap capture everyone's imagination in the early 90s.

Oh yeah, and the Roots are way over-rated and their only decent song was maybe a little too mature (cough)rock'n'roll. Somebody please tell ?uestlove to take that annoying pick out of his hair cuz that bullshit is getting old.

The first thing the haters mention is my hair pick.

More:

Hip-hop now faces a generation that takes gangsta rap as just another mundane marker in the cultural scenery. "It's collapsing because they can no longer fool the white kids," says Nickels. "There's only so much redundancy anyone can take."

Well, at least Nickels admits gangsta rap is a total farce. And I don't know if it is so much a matter of white kids no longer being fooled by rap...as they might no longer be entertained by it. Maybe black kids are the only kids still fooled by it. Douchebag.

More:

Artists who never jumped on the gangsta bandwagon point the finger at the boardroom. They accuse major labels of strip-mining the music, playing up its sensationalist aspects for easy sales. "In rock you have metal, alternative, emo, soft rock, pop-rock, you have all these different strains," says Q-Tip, front man for the defunct A Tribe Called Quest. "And there are different strains of hip-hop, but record companies aren't set up to sell these different strains. They aren't set up to do anything more of a mature sort of hip-hop."

Mature hip-hop? What? That shit sucks, bro. And you know it. You know why? Because rapping is the foundation of hip-hop. And rapping is juvenile nonsense, mostly-male posturing--rhymes for the sake of rhyming. Add maturity to hip-hop and you start involving melodies, emotion (humanity), instruments, tempo changes, odd song structures, etc. And then hip-hop folds into the larger envelope of rock. You can't have it both ways, bro.

And your thought process is bereft, Q-tip. Keep on blaming the record companies when its the audiences who don't desire "mature hip-hop." Because everybody knows the record companies would line up to sell an audience what it wants. Time Warner was forced to sell mature hip-hop by C. Delores Tucker, and look what happened! They lost their market share. Come on, dawg.

More:

Of course, gangsta rap isn't a record-company invention. Indeed, hip-hop's two most celebrated icons, Shakur and Notorious B.I.G., embraced the sort of lyrical content that today has opened hip-hop to criticism. And the music companies, under assault from file-sharing and other alternative distribution channels, are hardly in a position to do R&D. "When I first signed to Tommy Boy, [the A&R person] would take us to different shows and to art museums," says Q-Tip. "There was real mentorship. Today that's largely absent, and we see the results in the music and in the aesthetic." That result is a stale product, defined by cable channels like BET, now owned by Viacom, which seems to consist primarily of gun worship and underdressed women.

Q-tip must have amnesia or something. "Underdressed women"? Come on, bro. What about that Vivrant Thing video, dawg? Tell me you were coerced into shooting that thing. I hope not, cuz that video rules. Oh, yeah, Breathe and Stop was another genre-defining megaton-bomb spectacle. Come on, man. I'm hanging you over the blog balcony. Even if Van Winkle denies Suge ever did such a thing.

A blog is good example of what happens when you're not shooting videos with an assembly line of underdressed women.

Rap is apparently getting to be as "weak" as rock:

No longer able to peddle sensation, rap's moguls are switching tactics. Simmons, while still something of a hip-hop ambassador, is hawking a new self-help book. Master P, whose estimated worth was once $661 million, watched his label, No Limit, sink into bankruptcy. He recently announced the formation of Take a Stand Records, a label catering to "clean" hip-hop music. "Personally, I have profited millions of dollars through explicit rap lyrics," Master P stated on his website. "I can honestly say that I was once part of the problem, and now it's time to be part of the solution."

Well, at least the black community is staying strong. Check out this audio clip of a preacher advocating the "no snitching" policy. Unfuckinbelievable.

Well, I guess if you're satisfied with Jesus, you can be satisfied with a disproportionately high murder rate as well. The expression on this young lady's face shows me she is beyond satisfied with Jesus:

And here is a t-shirt you may be interested in, especially if you consider yourself a "Ride or Die Christian":

And if you own any of the following apparel, I'd love to kick back and laugh at your CD collection. Or you could just let me convince you that Jesus would be the last person the Christian community would want to "rock," in the truest sense of the word:

This unbelievably lame co-opting of modern fashion and vernacular always sets the church up for embarrassment. The more "wordly" the church gets the less it can convince us of its relevance. The church has a natural appeal. If kids and young adults are attracted to the church because of fashion or slang, their hearts are either fooled or in the wrong place. Trust me. They need to be dragged.

2007-09-02T17:24:00.000-07:00

HOLLYWOOD: THE SIDELINE CHORUS

It seems like Hollywood puts out only 2 kinds of bullshit these days: CGI bukkake nerdfests or PC partisan manifestos. In other words: circus cartoons for toddlers and alarmist one-world political screeds for collegiate white guilters.

Which do you prefer? I suspect if you're the sports-lovin', sitcom-repeatin', meat-and-potatos guy you're going for the special effects. Everything else probably makes you worried your friends will think you're gay. And I guess if you're the book-lovin', record-collectin' unnecessarily weird-clothes-wearing individual you're going for the more "thoughtful, intelligent" fare. Everything else probably makes you worried your friends will think you're lame.

Well, fuck both uh y'all. I've already wasted enough breath on the Batman part 19 crowd. You geeks can't get a hard-on unless cartoon characters battle each other to an impossible death. And then we have to deal with you hyperventilating about it.

No. I'm talking to the liberals, the troofers, the "green" crowd. I'm talking to the high-skeptics who are only dismissive of the politicians they can't drag down the celebrity carpet.

Come on! 9/11 was all Haliburton and Cheney!!!

Its frustrating how y'all are constantly promoting such bullshit movies:

'REDACTED' STUNS VENICE

Which is Brian De Palma directed and Mark Cuban financed, consisting entirely of Iraq War clips that can be found on the net. Here are the blatant political motives:

"The movie is an attempt to bring the reality of what is happening in Iraq to the American people," [de Palma] told reporters after a press screening.

"The pictures are what will stop the war. One only hopes that these images will get the public incensed enough to motivate their Congressmen to vote against this war," he said.

De Palma has centered his fictionalized documentary around American soldiers who brutally raped a 14 year-old Iraqi girl. And he does not mention anything, I'm guessing, about Saddam Hussein's rape rooms. At the very least one can assume that those atrocities were not inspirational to him.

I couldn't stand knowing this script wasn't getting the attention it deserved.

I don't know why this rape, in particular, caused enough outrage to write a script. Was it the straw that broke the Abu Gharaib back? Is it the final proof that the war is wrong, that our intentions in Iraq are evil?

Yeah, see, I'm 100% with de Palma. Let's bring the troops home so we can finally end rape in Iraq--the place where rape has been our soldiers' most film-worthy contribution.

And I guess let's just stop all wars, so rapes by soldiers are rendered here-on-out impossible worldwide.

More from the main article:

"Redacted", by U.S. director Brian De Palma, is one of at least eight American films on the war in Iraq due for release in the next few months and the first of two movies on the conflict screening in Venice's main competition.

Yup. Hollywood is out of ideas and likes these cheap-ass war docs. I don't know how many of these movies are pro- or anti-Iraq, but I'm guessing that the anti-war docs are going to be the most outrageous and the most talked-about.

More:

BRUCE WILLIS TO VISIT 'PINKSVILLE' FOR NEXT MOVIE

Oliver Stone is turning into George Lucas and not leaving trilogies well enough alone:

Bruce Willis has signed up to star in director Oliver Stone’s next film, which is to be based on the 1968 My Lai massacre in Vietnam. In the film, Willis will play a real-life army general who investigated the murder of hundreds of Vietnamese villagers by US soldiers.

Yippy kai-yay everywhere except Iraq, motherfuckers!

Now, I'm actually a fan of "Platoon" and especially "Born on the Fourth of July", but Oliver Stone has made this movie already. We get his point. Vietnam was wrong and the reason it was wrong was not becuase communism wasn't defeated, but because of the atrocities committed by U.S. soldiers who never wanted to be there and were cannon fodder anyway. Let's say, let's just imagine, had we won, after the Goddamn My Lai massacre, and had Vietnam developed into another Japan or Korea--would that have been horrible?

Thick Cuban accent: Sean was saying shit about you to Chavez. You know that, right?

Once again, Stone seems like a bandwagon-jumper who really should be shooting docs. Then again, all these based-on-real-life political movies should be docs. Why are they dramatized? Why are they only half of what really happened? More importantly: why are cinematic devices respected in a political forum? They're entertainment values, aren't they? Such values are irrelevant and distracting.

Thick Venezualan accent: No, no, no. Fidel said Oliver Stone said you were no good in U Turn. No good!

More:

TOMMY LEE JONES SCALES NEW HEIGHTS IN 'VALLEY'

Oh my God. When is this train of bullshit gonna end?

You wanna fuck around say sumthin about my next film, bwoy?

How much you want to bet the military takes a bath in this one:

For those not up on their Old Testament, "In the Valley of Elah" refers to the place where David slew Goliath. It's an apt metaphor for the battle undertaken by Jones as a grieving father fighting his way through a bureaucratic quagmire in search of the truth and by the young men and women who are facing insurmountable odds of emerging physically and/or emotionally unscathed from an increasingly controversial conflict.

Even though the "bureaucratic quagmire" indicates a likely military cover-up, and, hence, a negative portrayal of our military involved in Iraq, Haggis denies it, of course:

Speaking at the Venice Film Festival in Italy, [director Paul Haggis] said, "I laugh when I hear these statements that Hollywood is jumping on the bandwagon because the American public is turning against the war.

"We started work on the film in 2003, when the president (U.S. leader George W. Bush) had an 80 per cent approval rating, everyone even in the neighbourhood where I live was driving around with flags on their cars, and the president was saying it was unpatriotic to even question this war."

I have one question for you, Paul. Do you support the Iraq war? And if so, don't you think this film would mislead folks into believing otherwise?

Also, everybody knows how long it takes to make a movie. Its not like the final decision to move ahead with filming was made in '03. Maybe '03 was when the script was purchased or shopped? ...Was that truly when "work began"?

Every studio turned us away. Twice!

And what are you trying to say, Paul? Was this movie truly made under the most oppressive financial situation? Was the market for this movie tested and did it respond negatively enough for studios to completely ignore the project? Did you factor in the American flag stickers in your dorky-ass neighborhood and say to yourself "No! I don't care! This film needs to be made!" Was this your level of conviction at the time?

See, we are not stupid, Paul. Hollywood is a bandwagon. Your film--though I highly doubt it--may be the exception to the rule. But the other 7 fucking films certainly must be called what they are: a trend. And without trends (indie, gore, docs, CGI, cartoons), Hollywood doesn't make any money.

Next:

CLOONEY TACKLES CORRUPTION IN NEW FILM, 'MICHAEL CLAYTON'

Yup, you guessed it. George Clooney, the Hollywood angel, is tossing the lid off of the sea of corporate corruption in America. Check out how the director describes his film:

[Director Tony] Gilroy said he wanted to explore not only corporate culture and corruption, but more importantly the individuals inside companies and why they do what they do.

"All these corporations that you're talking about, they're all inhabited by people," he said. "It's all decisions, people in rooms, people decide.

"And people go home and they love their children and they see their kids, but every day they go back and they make little small paper cuts on their morality."

Yup, this guy sounds like a real idiot. Like these corporations are radically different from the people financing his film. See, I don't understand how a corporate board of directors is somehow, on average, more immoral than the producers and financers of your typical bullshit Hollywood blockbuster. How would we ever determine which of the two groups is "more immoral"? And, on top of everything, doesn't Hollywood owe the business world for its very existence?

You know, the real cut-up is how Hollywood has presumed itself some sort of dramatized corporate watchdog--while its trade is lowly: half-sex and half-fantasy. Hollywood is America's scripted glossy prom, but it pretends, somehow, to be America's conscience. Absolutely laughable.

You know they think we're out of touch, right?

And what is the idea behind this film, bro? That the working man can't live an honest life? That the family man can't succeed in the white collar world without a certain sacrifice of his morality? Why isn't this film simply a portrayal of how difficult it is raising a family in modern-day American? Why does it sound pretentiously heavy, like another cynical and over-simplified condemnation of our secular capitalistic state?

Check out the awesome ending to the article, though:

Clooney was visibly irritated when asked if his endorsement of products for big companies clashed in any way with his performance in a film about corporate greed and corruption.

"I'm not going to apologize to you for trying to make a living once in a while," he said. "I don't really have an answer for you on that. It's sort of an irritating question."

After switching off his microphone, he continued to mutter angrily, although it was inaudible to the audience.

Yeah, we know why he's muttering angrily. Because he can't explain his stupid-ass film! Someone simply asked him to compare himself and his business interests to the white collar people he is portraying in his movie. And he couldn't! Trust me, this guy is an elitist jerk. He wants to change the world but he won't run for office and I'm tired of the white-guilt, working-for-free schtick he's on.

More bullshit:

'HALLOWEEN' REMAKE SHOULD SCARE UP BOX OFFICE LEAD

What a joke. Another classic, molested. Like most of Rob Zombie's output, this film is completely unnecessary.

I'm not really interested in taking chances with my image or my films.

Now, "Halloween" was great, don't get me wrong. I've loved the film for years. Sure--I couldn't sit through five minutes of it today, but I couldn't sit through five fucking frames of Rob Zombie's irrelevant interpretation. Please with this bullshit. Do your own movies and hope they become classics. Leave the existing classics alone.

More:

KEVIN BACON STARS IN VIOLENT 'DEATH SENTENCE'

Bet you didn't know that there is a "plethora of beautiful young black detectives onscreen these days":

Aisha Tyler plays a concerned police detective; judging by the plethora of beautiful young black detectives onscreen these days, our nation's police forces must have effective equal-hiring practices.

Thank God I don't watch enough movies to be able to say whether or not this assessment is true. But it sounds like young pretty black women are finally getting their due in Hollywood. Congrats, ladies. You should be proud to know that Hollywood feels you capable of handling the detective role in numbers exceeding that of your actual representation in the population as a whole. You gals must be really smart.

My brother was being a real dick, so I had to make another bullshit movie.

Lastly:

WOODY ALLEN SAYS NEW FILM 'CASSANDRA'S DREAM' REFLECTS TRAGEDY OF LIFE

This is really tough to read, considering I've read very few Woody Allen interviews and have enjoyed almost every movie of his that I've seen. Check out this painfully morbid quote:

The Oscar-winning U.S. director returns to the theme of ruthless ambition and moral ambiguity which he explored in his 2005 film "Match Point," and said "Cassandra's Dream" reflected his view of life as a "tremendously tragic event."

"I've always felt that life itself, and this is no brilliant observation, is a tremendously tragic event, I mean a real mess," a distinctly downbeat Allen explained.

"I do have a bleak, pessimistic view of life and man's fate, the human condition, but I do feel there are some extremely amusing oases in that morass," the 71-year-old added.

Oh, shut the fuck up, dood. You're right its no brilliant observation--its fucking silly. So stop making movies then. Give up, go home and kill yourself. I mean, who needs to hear one of the most successful artists in film history whine about life in general? If everyone in the world lived their life without tragedy, they wouldn't have lived a true life. And if everyone in the world experienced multiple tragedies in their lives, that wouldn't make life, or the human race as a whole, a tragedy.

Eh, you know, Jeff's just jealous about my wife and he can blog about me all he wants. That miserable cur.

These Hollywood fuckers need to wise up. The emotional aspect of a film is secondary to the quality of the film. I can watch a bleak, pessimistic film if its done well. And I can watch a bleak, pessimistic film without agreeing that folks should live their lives that way.

2007-09-01T17:57:00.000-07:00

LATIN AMERICAN'T

I know things have cooled down for Elvira Arellano, now that she's back in Mexico where the ballers ball. But I felt like quoting her since she's apparently fairly clever and imaginative:

MEXICO CITY: The recently deported illegal migrant and activist who took refuge in a Chicago church for a year, has asked the Mexico's president to appoint her "peace and justice" ambassador so she can return to the United States.

Peace and justice ambassador? WTF? Gimme a break. This chick has nerve. Especially since she's stealing Michelle Malkin's look:

Come on. I'm the only one who has noticed the resemblence?

Arellano: not all Catholics are terrorists.

Seriously--why would the U.S. need a peace and justice ambassador from Mexico? What is such a person going to teach Americans? How to prevent police beheadings and army units from taking over towns? What can Mexico teach us in the form of peace and justice? Absurd.

More:

Elvira Arellano, 32, who sought refuge to avoid being separated from her U.S.-born, 8-year-old son, was arrested and sent back to Mexico on Aug. 19 after traveling to Los Angeles to attend a rally for the overhaul of U.S. immigration laws. Her son stayed in the United States.

"What I'm asking for is a diplomatic visa so that I can be an ambassador for peace and justice because I'm not a terrorist and the United States can't continue treating undocumented migrants as terrorists," Arellano told reporters after meeting with President Felipe Calderon at the presidential residence, Los Pinos.

What a jerk. No one called this chick a terrorist. She was convicted of illegally entering the country repeatedly and for social security fraud. And now she can bring peace and justice to where its really needed--TJ.

So where is the pride in Latin America? Can Latin Americans acheive anything without moving to the United States? It seems like there is an identity crisis from San Ysidro all the way down to Patagonia:

All five [Guatemalan presidential] candidates generally agreed on the issue of illegal migration to the United States, saying their government needed to improve living conditions in Guatemala so there would be less incentive to leave. They also agreed that the Guatemalan government should work closely with Washington to make life better for those who do migrate.

No, no, no. The living conditions need to improve in Guatemala. Then Guatemala can work with D.C. to "make life better" for the migrant whose life is already immeasurably improved by living outside Latin America.

More:

[Retired General Otto Perez] Molina [of the conservative Patriot Party,] estimated that 60 percent of the 1.3 million Guatemalans in the United States were undocumented, but he said they provide Guatemala with its main source of foreign currency.

Oh, I'm sorry. Obviously Guatemala's national priority would be to "make life better" for the migrants--Guatemala lives offs of remittances from the U.S.!

And the workforce at home? Fuck em. They can snake lines around the Western Union.

More:

[1992 Nobel Peace Prize winner Rigoberta] Menchu [of the Encounter for Guatemala party] called it "an embarrassment" that Guatemala could not negotiate for better living conditions for citizens who have moved to the United States and "are building houses and schools" there. She said she would create a negotiating team to push for the well-being of Guatemalans in the United States.

What a joke. Latin America has given up on itself. The landmass looks to improve the life of its expatriots before its citizens. How ridiculous is that?

More:

Giammattei called the migrants "national heroes" who risk their lives for a better future but labeled the situation a "badge of shame" for Guatemala because the country hasn't generated opportunities for its people at home.

Come on. Which is it, bros? Are migrants national heroes? Or are they walking badges of shame? Latin America: no hope and, on top of it, an identity crisis. Why isn't La Raza where the race is most present and most in need?

If you've never read it, here is a copy of the "Guia Del Migrante Mexicano," a border-crossing "how to" published by Mexico's Foreign Ministry in '94. Here are my favorite pictures:

Various fair-skinned superheroes hit the gym and head for the border.

A hottie trims her bangs and buys cute new sandals before hitting the desert.

Mexican Consulute employees are highly educated, well-endowed and wear skin-tight gym gear to work.

Latina migrants prefer males who use radios with both hands.

Migrants research the American laws they're not planning on breaking.

American police offers often use a perpendicular tactic when pulling cars over.

American parties often involve males wearing shawls, dances from the 50s and floating hallucinatory musical notes.

Telenovela superheroes are often involved in angry yet highly-stylized domestic abuse cases.

And even though he is super-annoying these days...

...I have to agree with my boy Jamie Foxx. We're "too free." Especially teachers in Arizona who teach English to ESL kids.

And, lastly, if Geraldo's been getting on your nerves recently...

"At least she didn't blame my moustache."

...you may enjoy this clip of Michelle Dallacroce comparing Geraldo's thoughts on illegal immigration to his Mystery of Al Capone's Vault TV special. The good stuff is, oddly enough, about 4:20 in.

2007-08-31T17:55:00.000-07:00

PILLCO

Went down to the Greek two nights ago to check out Wilco. Got hit with the $15 parking fee and almost turned around and called it a night. Also, after I coughed up the dough, the ticket was basically thrown at me by a less-than-pleasant parking staffer who resembled Monique's younger, fatter, angier sister (damn, I just can't get enough of that "classy, sassy" link). And...I should stop going to concerts alone because things get overblown and I start to feel like Rodney Dangerfield.

Then again, going to concerts solo helps avoid conversation with friends or chicks who don't know music, don't care about music, like painfully shitty music or are way more concerned about text-messaging, cell phone photos and everything other than the performance and/or sound. ...Kinda like the following review.

I've never seen Wilco before and the crowd seemed really subdued. I think the Fiona Apple fans were louder. Then again, there were a few dorks who were crying out "Chicago!" like da Bears had just scored. Btw, I recommend the one or two Latino readers of this blog to visit "the city of the big shoulders" because a Latino coworker of mine recently returned from Chicago and said he'd "never seen more white people in my life." Its hard to open LA eyes and whenever it happens its like the clouds part...in my life.

Just a little too Mexican for Aztlan.

Anyway, I was interested in hearing the songs off Yankee Hotel Foxtrot and a few from A Ghost Is Born. I have some older albums of their's but I rarely reach for them. Some YHF songs sounded OK and others were nearly indistinguishable until the chorus.

Tweedy played more guitars than Slash and had some decent stage banter. His voice sounded great, really strong, and he was mixed well, louder than any instrument.

The lead was pulling some interesting solos. Drummer was indulging in some annoying Neal Pert fills.

I arrived late and left during the encore because I was alone and getting bummed out. I guess I never realized how much Wilco is "date rock." Now, don't get me wrong--I like the vocals, the lyrics, the instrumentation and the chord changes. The band has an impressive ease and a lot of chops. They reach out. But their show is for couples. I saw three younger doods in band t-shirts walking together and they looked like they just wandered in from Six Flags.

Well maybe I didn't have a date because I nearly collapsed after walking back up the mountain to my car in the 90 degree heat.

Oh, yeah. The new songs I still can't get into. Peace.

2007-08-26T16:36:00.000-07:00

VARIOUS ALBUM COVERS

Wait a second. Ric Flair was in the Misfits?

I know that apologizing is assuming a lot, but I'm sorry I haven't been posting too much lately.

This past weekend my sister came out from Jersey and we met up with a friend of her's in the San Gabriel Valley. We ended up at a dive bar called First Cabin in Arcadia and I'm giving it the stamp of approval. The house band, the Priests of Love, feature Ric Flair in a ponytail on lead vox and guitar, and some Midnight Run-style gangsters on bass and skins. Bassist was locked-in (even though he bummed me out with his upright electric) and the drummer had dynamics and killed all his fills.

These guys are hilarious and are worth the visit. Don't get me wrong, they got the chops, but they play covers interspersed with derivative originals. Here's a tracklisting of their album which, as you may have noticed, is called "Rockin' The Blues and Spankin' The Swang..." (whatever that means):

My Thing Is Inside You
Mr. VD
She Don't Need No Neil Diamond
The Flat-Chested Special
I Think She's Just Using Me For My Ecstasy Hook-up
Oh, Its Like That
Judas Lied About His Sexuality, Too
Love Butt
The Jimmy Jump (So Now She Pregnant)
The Keys To The Lincoln Continental Are In My Pants
You Asked For A Little One And I Can't Help You
Back From The Gaydream
Cajun Chopsticks For My Boy Jimmy Wang Yang
That's My Ex-wife With Her Divorce Lawyer And I Swear I'm Going To Kill Them Both and Anyone Who Might Have A Problem With That
Steel Workin' Man And His 9/11 Conspiracy Plan
Broken Doll Farts

I don't know about you, but the tracks kinda reminded me of the tracklisting on the Motor City Jackass's most recent album, "Love Grenade":

The Love Grenade (Which My Wife Likes To Call The Prostrate Gland)
Still Raising Hell And Skirts And All Kinds Of Wild Shit
Funk U (Not to be confused with Martin Lawrence's kick-ass "Funk It" CD)
Girl Scout Cookies
Journey To the Center Of the Mind (That Never Seems To End)
Geronimo & Me (Didn't Really Hit It Off)
EagleBrother (Is Kinda Pissed At His Homeboy Buffalo Riverdance)
Spirit Of The Buffa-Down-Low
A bore (a-gine)
Stand Taller Than Any Blogger
Broadside (And By "Broads" I Mean "Chicks")
Bridge Over Troubled Daughters
Gay With Me

Anyway, f the haters who say its the "Worst Cabin," even if that's a funny line. The dive is crowded, smoke-filled and specializes in poor service. Johnny Cash-wannabe bartender and a "waitress" who made it crystal clear where I was not allowed to stand. Thumbs up.

OK, I'm back up inside this illegal immigration biz.

Maybe y'all heard that Mexican immigrants are being scammed remorselessly by their Native American brethren:

Watson said no legal authority has told him that selling [tribal] memberships [which purport to give immigrants American citizen status] is illegal. As for those who say it's a scam, he said: "If they want to pass judgment, I can't help that."

Why isn't La Raza up in arms about this? This is brown-on-brown crime at its most shameless. Yeah, you may argue that Native Americans aren't technically "Latino," but the roots are the same, my friends: Asia.

And we all know that racism is worldwide and ancient, right? That its internal as well as external, right? Cuz I am tired of countries (and areas like Indian reservations) never being described as "racist" because they don't bother with the tension of diversity.

So let's see here. Coyotes rape and rob illegal immigrants after they cross the border...

...and Native Americans shake immigrants down once they finally get access to the net. And U.S. immigration policy is still considered racist somehow.

Also, I am fed up with people (especially only-God-can-judge religious folks) who flatly dismiss those of us who have enough balls (and no kids or good jobs) to pass judgment. People who claim to never pass judgment are liars. Our brains are constantly in a state of evaluating activity. Moral judgments are a facet of this state. Moral debates about what is right and wrong happen all the time. Just because someone is particularly judgmental towards some other person, group or thing doesn't mean they're necessarily wrong or jealous or ignorant. Disengaging those critical of your actions is almost a legal move and often lacks conviction.

On the endless topic of Mexico, did anyone see this article about worldwide remittances? A buddy of mine sent it to me and it has a great quote:

Elvin Meka, secretary-general of the Albanian Association of Banks, offers a blunt warning: "We export human beings, and they send us cash," he said. "Young people are addicted to the idea of leaving. That's the biggest crime in this country. The government is killing their dreams."

Oh, wow. Can Mexico's government say any differently?

I may get the chance to ask them since Morrissey is playing a gig at El Foro in TJ on the 20th. I didn't realize it, but Moz has apparently played there before.

And when I get my chance, I'll ask the Mexican government which one of us truly "destroys families." America, which enforces (most of) its laws? Or Mexico, which can't enfore its laws and, in turn, can't create any jobs and squeezes its population into ours?

I'm also going to have to ask the Mexican government what the fuck is going on here. Why is there all this drama? And who wrote that kick-ass riff about halfway through? Anybody seen this flick? Is it just a rip-off of Y Tu Mama Tambien with hotter chicks? Clue me in.

"I really want to talk to Jeff about illegal immigration. Seriously."

Also, I'm getting real tired of these smug-ass priests:

Look at that jerk. Can't get anybody in his church unless they're breaking the law. What a wise-ass. I know the image of ICE busting down the doors of a church is unsightly to say the least--but I wouldn't have a problem in this instance. Especially if they found some porn.

Saw a good clip of Congressman Harold Ford and Markos Moulitisas on Meet the Press. I actually find this internal Democratic debate to be pretty interesting. Conservatives have similar debates regarding the presidential race, certainly. But most Republicans, I would argue, are comfortable being called conservatives while Dems still seem scared of the term "liberal." Certainly Markos shied from the description.

5:40 in its gets real scary for Markos fans who want to take homeboy seriously:

David Gregory: For both of you, if you could advise the party's nominee to say "Top 3 issues" and these are what your positions should be--what would they be?

Markos: Well, you know, we're [...] talking about issues... What I want the candidates to do is to not be afraid to talk about who they are, to be authentic, and to tell us who they are so we can actually make a descion. And not me. I'm not gonna make this decision. Its not my job to decide who the nominee's gonna be. I want these candidates to speak to regular Americans. For too long they've been speaking to the pundits, they've been speaking to shows like this one. They haven't been really communicating to the base because they have to go through this media filter and this political filter. And now we are destroying these filters. We're saying: go straight to the people, talk to them make your case.

David Gregory: Congressman, top 3 issues.

Ford: (issues)

You can't tell me that Markos doesn't completely drop the ball here. He can't name one damn policy? One? He wants to ramble on about who politicians "really are" and how "authentic" they can be? That shit is bullshit. We all know personality matters! Especially in the presidential race. But come on. Policy before personality needs to be the rule. I want to hear the Republican candidate clearly and convincingly explain his presidential agenda. I don't give a fuck about his hobbies or his childhood or his hair gel or that shitty night he discovered his daughter's MySpace page. I don't want to hear any of that sentimental poetic fireside horseshit. And Markos is pretending to. Markos, in my opinion, is trying to steer the Democratic presidential nomination towards his site by claiming that TV debate and punditry is somehow less authentic than what is possible on the net.

Now, of course, I love the internet and I spend a lot of time on it. But a Meet The Press-format political debate on TV is much more useful than some bullshit promo of Ron Paul talking about who he "really is" on The Daily Kos. Admit it.

Hey, I'm a little like Jon Stewart. Tough questions make me lash out at pundits and televised political debate.

Interestingly enough, after I watched that Meet the Press clip, I linked to a clip of my missing European twin from high school on YouTube.

OK. Onto some Missile East talk.

Same friend who sent me the remittances article sent me this bullshit. Now, I'm not too upset or surprised--my problem is that something like this, outside perhaps Israel, would never happen in the Middle East. The demand-level for tolerance in the West is nauseating at times when juxtaposed with the demand-level for tolerance in the Middle East.

Then again, there is (finally) some hope for the Middle East. Here's a quote:

“We believe that by issuing takfiri religious decrees and financial support of terrorist operations, Saudi Arabia is the real source of terrorism, not only in Iraq, but in the entire world. We read in the press that 50% of suicide bombers in Iraq are Saudi nationals,” [Nazar Heydar, the director of Iraq information center in Washington] explained.

In a statement issued by Iraqi demonstrators, they called upon the U.S. to pressure Saudi Arabia to stop actions leading to the murder of innocents.

“We tried to submit a copy of the statement to the Saudi ambassador to Washington, but he refused to accept it,” Heydar noted.

Well, who knows if this righteous domestic display of intolerance will be enough to fan the flames of the widespread indocrination of children in the Middle East:

In a video seized from the Muslim Youth Society in Hebron, a school or camp ceremony can be seen where children are singing lyrics like “Death for my country is a wish” and “Long live Ezzedeen Brigades.”

Huh? "Death for my country is a wish"? Sounds eerily similar to some collegiate jerk-offs who may not really want America destroyed for the sake of religion, but probably at least feel as though America will one day have to pay the piper for all its evil deeds:

One can begin to form a picture of the typical peace studies student by reading the testimonials by students and graduates that many of these programs have posted online. Essentially the same story occurs over and over in these accounts: the privileged upbringing; the curiosity about other cultures; the visit to the Third World, where the poverty shocks, even transforms, the student (“I . . . would never be the same after experiencing what I did in Honduras”); and, finally, the readiness to swallow the peace professors’ explanation for it all—namely, that it’s America’s fault—and to work for revolutionary change. Many students make it clear that they’re ashamed to be American; one of them, listing her aspirations, writes, “I envision myself American, not needing to be embarrassed of it.” They view themselves instead as “global citizens.”

And the poor young souls who apparently understand and accept the concept of matrydom for their entire nation--can they follow that ethic to its logical conclusion? That of the sacrifice of Islam itself? Has the West fully contemplated what the Middle East is prepared to give up in order to acheive a caliphate? Will there be enough people, much less Muslims, left over to truly appreciate worldwide sha'ria?

Finally, in lighter news, did anyone catch those fucking amazing (blog hyperbole off the charts) clips of Brokeback Taliban? Un fucking believable, these cats:

The indie album cover of the year.

2007-08-20T19:52:00.000-07:00

SUNSET JUNCTION - DAY 1 (DON'T WORRY THERE WON'T BE A DAY 2)

Clearly stolen.

Saturday, hit the streets about 1pm. And it was hot. There was sweat, I swear, in places I had never felt sweat before.

First up were:

THE PITY PARTY: I liked these guys, a two piece, one dood on git and a chick on drums. Homegirl was playing bass parts on a keyboard with her left hand and holding a drumstick in the other. The guitar was on the fritz, so while the tech guys scrambled around, the drummer handled the downtime admirably. Eventually the guilty guitar pedal was tossed out into the street. It continued its streak of frustration, and landed intact.

The guitar parts started to blend together, the songs were too long and the lyrics were pretty crappy, but I still liked their sound. Especially appreciated the drummer's work. Here's an interview with her from Losanjealous.

Next:

THE PARSON RED HEADS: Couldn't dig on these guys. Sounded a little like The Tyde and looked like a cross between The Polyphonic Spree and Kill Me Tomorrow. Alt-country in all-white matching outfits with a lot of smiling, a few bandannas and high school pining-for-chicks lyrics.

The drumming was OK, but the songs' chord changes were predictable. A lot of flowers on the stage like that shit matters. Pretty good crowd response, and I stuck around for the entire set so I guess they're not terrible.

Afterwards I had a bottle of water and some watermelon drink. The watermelon drink was by accident, cuz I had definitely asked for a Gatorade.

Up next was:

CULVER CITY DUB COLLECTIVE: Of course, as we all know by now, any song, person, or bandname including the word "dub" is a serious mistake. These guys play it safe with unremarkable raggae (surprise, surprise) and feature a guitarist who looks just like my old boss. Don't get me wrong, my old boss was a cool bloke who let me borrow his Genesis box set. But this guy with the shiny PRS (with the f holes) and the dorky Oakley-shades-sponsored wah-wah riffs is not.

The lead singer apologized for being from the 310, which was completely unnecessary. He should've apologized for the lame riffs, the dorky dancing in the crowd and for not inviting the gay doods in chaps on-stage.

Next was:

THE BROKEN WEST: who have a good bandname but a lot of unmemorable songs. Well, maybe one good riff per every other song. I would like to say that they're a crappy version of the Replacements, but I won't.

Up next was:

SEA WILCO: I know, I know. I can't be the first person to have said that.

Check homeboy out.

FINALLY:

AUTOLUX: I don't know. I think these guys would hate me, but I would probably still try to hang out with them. I don't know if they have the best hair in L.A. or if they just look like the kind of people who would never wear fedoras or obnoxious sunglasses. Well, I don't know, I can see the lead singer in some loud, red/yellow Santa Mall-ica clown shades, but he's just about the only person I know who can get away with it.

The drummer I'm starting to think is a little dramatic. She seems real moody almost everytime I see her. But she always manages to steal the show. I like her clock, her loud/soft dynamic, her slow-arm-in-the-air gestures and her long, unpredicatable fills.

The guitarist also has a lot of textures and loop effects, odd melodies and odd chords. Reminds me of a shoegaze Adam Jones, and Failure, his old band, is a favorite of Maynard's.

Homeboy is like the Madonna of alt-metal. Reinvented every tour.

The new songs don't blow me away, but I'll definitely be picking up Autolux's next album once they drop that shit.

Lastly:

BLONDE REDHEAD: Took the stage after running around on it for a half-hour soundchecking the mics and guitars incessantly. I'd never seen these guys live before and I liked what I saw. Despite a lot of pre-recorded elements. Kazu killed it on "23." Good times.

2007-08-18T11:09:00.000-07:00

I KNOW YOU DON'T "DO" TALKING POINTS, BUT PLEASE BEAR WITH ME...

Life isn't fair. So why should sports be?

Damn. Who knew there were so many gay marriages in Peru? Apparently God felt that the 60 people supposedly at church at 4:27 a.m. on Wednesday morning (???, underground gay marriage ceremonies?) were the incedental consequence of getting his message across.

The following pic is dedicated to Michelle...

...who I'm sure is aware of this Spiegel article. Putin. So jealous of Sarkozy's recent pics.

Speaking of Eastern Europeans, I want to make mention of a few Poles who've recently impressed me. Bronisław Geremek, a Polish MEP (Member of European Parliament), was quoted by the Polish website, Europa21, as saying:

"I will not take part in this conference. I saw the materials prepared by the organizers. Although there is no official statement that Israel must be pushed down to the sea there, the choice of subjects and the attitude towards the problems shows that it will be a biased, conflict generating conference. Actually we can call it anti-Israeli."

Awesome, awesome quote. I especially like the phrasing of pushing Israel down to the sea. The phrasing, of course. Not the idea.

Another impressive Pole I recently came across is a little chickadee named Aleksandra Osadzinska. Here's her octopus/arm:

I actually linked to her from Deadspin of all places. I'm not sure exactly why I like her work, because she seems to draw only people who look like total L.A. Cobrasnake jackasses. And I'm sure I disagree with her politically, but I can't read Polish, so I like these odd statement/portraits. Check out a few of her photos, or make a grapefruit face, I don't care.

Also courtesy of Deadspin was this link to a post on Rich Kotite Banged Your Mom, which features a classic Lawrence Taylor WWE appearance. Its amazing, because the clip starts off with Bam Bam Bigelow charging after Salt N Pepa and you can't imagine pay-per-view TV getting any better than that.

Step owuff, kid!

But then Lawrence Taylor strolls out in the most embarrassing outfit ever conceived: tiny shorts, signature turtleneck and a bootleg WWE football jersey that says "L.T." on the front. Absolutely hilarious-looking. Mom, if you're reading this, the Christmas season starts in two weeks. Cue the Mission: Impossible theme.

Onto politics.

I know this Hannity & Colmes clip is four months old, but I missed it and I didn't want you to. It features Angela McGlowan, author of Bamboozled, arguing with Bob Beckel, a democratic stragetist, about Harry Reid's declaration that the "war is lost." It heats up after about 3 minutes.

Now, overall, I probably argree with Angela's politics, but old girl should stick to writing books and should probably avoid all live TV debates. She uses terms like "daggone," concepts like "failed doesn't mean lost" and says, to Bob, "Do you want a monologue, son?" and "Listen, I don't DO talkin points, honey." This kinda two-snaps-up argumentative approach is really best left within the hair salon.

Cedric the Entertainer fields Queen Latifah's talking points.

In fact, Ayaan Hirsi Ali should've jumped on the stage and Homey D Clown sock-slapped Angela's finger-pointing ass. Cuz Ayaan Hirsi Ali is calm, cool and collected personified.

Bob Beckel, aka "Son"

Also killer is this clip of Alan Colmes absolutely destroying San Francisco supervisor Gerardo Sandoval. I actually sympathize with Sandoval--I think its entirely up to San Francisco to decide whether or not they want commemorative warships (or "peaceships" as Sean calls them) on their skyline. But when Gerardo goes on to say that he doesn't believe that the U.S. military should even exist, Alan, rightfully, goes off on his ass. Gerardo comes to the conclusion, somehow, that the police and the coast guard are enough to defend our lands. Doesn't Gerardo know that the police already have their hands full with bored kids from the suburbs searching for "psuedo-thug royalty"? What a nutjob.

Yeahah! That's what YOU want!

Finally, all you writers out there may enjoy this link to a Joel Stein column about "speed-dating" writing partners. He has a few intersting observations:

Much like in real dating, there were some obvious signs to stay away. When I told people that I had absolutely no ideas for scripts, many responded that it wasn't a problem because they had "too many ideas." Several even said they had "hundreds of ideas."

He also has another column wherein he attempts to connect botox and breast implants to steroids. Its along the lines of "If you're not cheating, are you really trying?"

2007-08-13T19:13:00.000-07:00

REPEATED REQUEST GRANTED: LET'S TALK ABOUT IMMIGRATION IN ASIA

Actually, before we talk about "immigration in Asia," I just wanted to point out really quickly that there was obviously a lot of gay shit going down on the peninsula last weekend.

Anyway, caught this piece on immigration trends within Asia on (Financial Times) FT.com. I'm going to blatantly steal their pictures and captions and cross my fingers that they don't retaliate....financially. The parallels between the immigration issues in the Americas are numerous:

A mother and her child near the immigration check point between Hong Kong and mainland China. Ten years after China resumed sovereignty over the territory, Hong Kong continues to cap immigration from the mainland at just 150 people per day – or 55,000 per year, with most of the quota reserved for the spouses, children and parents of Hong Kong residents.

How rude. China only allows 55,000 nationals a year to....move into a Chinese city? Wow. Well, I guess the race card is forfeited here.

But let's face it. As evil and racist and protectionist as America is said to be--does our immigration policy seem harsher than Chinese emigration policy? What if the U.S. government began limiting loud, opinionated, caucasian east coasters from moving to L.A. and bumming the fuck out of native Angelenos? Wouldn't MEChA (Nuestras Demandas for America, I'm assuming, not for Mexico) and La Raza rejoice at the proposal of such legislation?

And, in response, wouldn't Hollywood studios and SAG be up in arms? Wouldn't they demand from the US government access to cheap, desperate New England prostitute labor?

More:

An expectant woman from mainland China receives a free consultation at an antenatal clinic in Hong Kong. About 40 per cent of Hong Kong’s 65,626 new babies last year were born to mainland Chinese mothers who were transiting the territory on tourist visas and hoping to give their children the right to abode in Hong Kong.

This is such wonderful news. OK--So here is another exact parallel an ocean away. And there are no racial factors. True--I can imagine a lot of mainlanders stick out like sore thumbs in the big city. But they are the same race as their HK counterparts. And our current and largely unenforced immigration policy is considered racist somehow!

The immigration debate is a crime and culture vs. economics argument. In simple terms: how much lawlessness and culture-loss is forgivable for the sake of general prosperity....when faith in the law is the main reason Mexicans immigrate? "Faith in the law," of course, as it generally evokes robust open markets.

Conservatives have some wrong ideas about the illegal immigration debate--namely the belief that illegal immigrants are especially prone to crime and that all crimes committed by illegal immigrants are "100 percent preventable"--but they are correct about two things:

1. The wall needs to be built. The government can prove it is interested in protecting our borders against drugs, terrorists and return criminals we've already deported, immigration policy reform could be instituted more effectively and deaths-by-desert-crossing would be significantly reduced. Of course, the wall would also be a strong symbol to the world that it can't simply empty into our land. And...

2. Business owners who hire illegals need to be penalized. Let's prove to liberals that corporations do not run this country. And Social Security may be laughably inefficient and certainly doomed, but let's at least protect our citizens from the identity fraud that is part and parcel of the illegal immigration phenomenon.

This debate is far from over and will, hopefully, encourage us as citizens to increasingly involve ourselves in local and regional politics.

More:

The mainland side of the immigration check point. Since visa procedures for qualified mainland professionals were eased in 2003, around 17,000 have arrived in Hong Kong. But that is far less than the government’s estimated shortfall of 100,000 university-educated workers.

Oh, man. Hong Kong is trying to encourage educated immigrants? Wow. That's odd. And seriously unfair. What can we call that? Educational discrimination? Oh--you mean the thing that every recruiter is paid to do? Educationally discriminate?

More:

Thousands of new immigrants from mainland China do business in the bargain shopping centre in downtown Manila. The mall is called “168”, which, in Cantonese, sounds like “prosperity all the way”.

One of the (admittedly many) things in life I can't stand....is numerology. It fucking drives me up a dumb-ass wall. Goddamn all superstition. And, unfortunately, its something of an Eastern staple.

More:

A Chinese-Filipino looks after her shop. The growing presence of new Chinese immigrants is resented by many Chinese-Filipinos who have worked hard to assimilate and consider the recent arrivals aggressive and prone to get-rich-quick schemes.

Guaranteed a lot of Mexicans feel this way. Should they all be made to feel like haters? Can't they be proud of adhering to the basic standards of naturalization? Can't they be proud to be Mexican and ashamed of Mexico at once? Can't they speak out about how America is not protecting itself against Latinos--but is instead protecting itself against corrupt governments, theocracies and socialist welfare states?

Along the same lines:

The Chinese-language press in Manila is full of bitter exchanges between the new and old Chinese immigrants. The new immigrants are considered ill-mannered although often better-educated.

The global resentment between generations of individual immigrant groups furthermore proves that enforcing immigration policy is not racially motivated. Many legal immigrants obviously feel taken advantage of. Why isn't our government their advocate?

More:

The vast majority of Japanese Brazilians in Hamamatsu work in factories or shops as unskilled labour. Japanese wages, however, are still many times what individuals could earn in Brazil. And ironically in Japan, there is no stigma attached to working in low-level jobs. Toshio Naruse, who heads up a Brazilian school in Hamamatsu, says: “In Brazil, most people would not deign to be garbage collectors. But in Japan suddenly it is acceptable to work in a factory because everyone else does.”

We are constantly faced with the mantra that "illegal immigrants are taking jobs Americans don't want." And to an extent this is true.

But what would happen in the case of amnesty? Wouldn't illegal immigrants broaden their horizons? What would it take? 1, 2, 5, 10 years? Wouldn't they begin to charge forcefully into other entry-level low-skilled areas they traditionally hadn't risked their illegality on? Imagine temp agencies for administrative work bombarded with hot-ass multi-lingual Latinas who are tired of cleaning rooms at Motel 6? OK--I didn't need to be so specific, but is my thought process truly cynical?

My point is: is it so much "jobs Americans don't want" or is it "jobs Latinos already know well"? Judging by the Brazilian traits in Japan, and the shared Mexican traits in America, Latinos have stereotypes they'd be hard-pressed to deny. They honorably emphasize hard work for their children--yet inexplicably do not emphasize education. There are many exceptions to this rule, I am sure. But how can you look past the distinct lack of difference in global Latino immigrant communities--one of which is apparently largely legitimate!

And this begs the question: will Latinos move towards an education-first family structure similar to that of Caucasians and Asians? Or will they stray towards more of the crime and illegitimacy lingering in African American communities? And if you can entertain such a question since both changes are possible (because Latinos seem statistically equidistant in both categories), then you can entertain the idea that governments have a right to protect their sovereignty by demanding to oversee who enters their country.

Now I know Latino advocacy groups support Latinos in many positive ways, by encouraging education, family values, familiarity with American laws. But they also seem to always see racism in gang prevention and I never hear them demand a certain quality out of immigrants to America--they simply seem to care that immigrants are allowed, period. In other words, they don't have American citizens' best interests in mind, they have a race's best interest in mind. And the raw number of Latinos in America should not be of greater concern than their criminal history and employable skill level. Its as if Latino advocacy groups have completely written off Latin America.

Toshio Naruse heads up a small school for Japanese-Brazilians in Hamamatsu. Mr Naruse often teaches late into the night, as many of the students' parents work long factory shifts. He says it is a challenge for the Brazilian community to climb their way up the corporate ladder, as many students choose to leave school at age 15 in order to work in factories. Work is prioritised over education for many in the community.

So tell me, people: when Toshio breaks it to us that ambitions for someday professionally collecting garbage is looked down upon in Brazil, how surprised should we sound? How high in the hills did each of us grow up?

2007-08-12T20:26:00.000-07:00

RIYADH SEWAGE EXPLOSION TIED TO SECRET CULT OF CROSS-DRESSING BIBLE-FLUSHING PRIESTS AND MUSLIMS SHOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT IT

Petey Pablo receives life sentence for publically converting to Judaism in Saudi Arabia. Street credibility skyrockets.

Yeah, maybe y'all heard that Bibles (and stuff like that) can be confiscated in the Saudi kingdom:

An official at the Saudi Consulate in New York, who declined to give her name, told the Post that anyone bringing a Bible into the country or wearing a crucifix or Star of David around their neck would run into trouble with Saudi authorities.

"You are not allowed to bring that stuff into the kingdom," the consular official said. "If you do, they will take it away," she warned, adding, "If it is really important to you, then you can try to bring it and just see what happens, but I don't recommend that you do so."

Out-fucking-rageous. Imagine Korans being banned in America? We would never be so insecure.

And the consulate's tone is so dismissive, its almost hilarious. "That stuff" and "If it is really important to you". Get a load of the balls on these paranoid-ass cats. I recommend reading about Saudi Arabia.

Also disappointed in some more freaky deek priests and pastors I've been reading about recently. Anybody remember that freak a leak song? Or whatever its called? The end of the video should be a series of clips of the church's best walking by their respective holy houses...and Petey Pablo can just call out their names one by one: "Robert, Michael, Christopher, Anthony..."

In other religious news, Egyptian Cleric Mahmoud Al-Masri suggests that Muslims can lie to each other in order to resolve disputes, but should never extend the same kind of grace to members of other religions. ....Judging by the fact that this gentleman compels children to lie to Jews about weapons caches. Makes hella sense.

2007-08-11T13:38:00.000-07:00

CHUCK, PLEASE

PE. Can't You Hear Me Knocking?

Anybody out here in Lala land (can't you hear us glocking?) catch the Chuck D LA Weekly interview? What a joke. Chuck D, bastion of objectivity, says his own group is the Rolling Stones of rap:

“I always consider Run-DMC as the Beatles of rap,” proclaims Chuck D, front man of one of rap’s most revered groups, Public Enemy. “We’re the Rolling Stones,” he declares, “meaning that if they heap praises on those guys as being the kings of rock & roll as far as their longevity is concerned, we like to think the same about us in the game of hip-hop.”

Yeah, you better hide behind the longevity connection, bro. Cuz otherwise the similarities fall off a cliff:

1. The Stones had instruments. Public Enemy had (wack) bodyguards.
2. The Stones had a string of timeless hits. Public Enemy had "911 is a joke."
3. The Stones had a lot of bandannas. Public Enemy had a big goofy clock.

Think about it, Chuck.

Seriously. Public Enemy. One of the most publically overrated acts ever. I guess they deserve some respect for being the first popular politically-charged rap group to include a clock-wearing clown, but at the very least let's not let the inestimably humble Chuck D be the final arbiter of PE's influence.

I know, in a way, all music can be considered "political" because it usually communicates a message, no matter how cliché. But intentionally political music, music that espouses ideas regarding society, is mostly useless and impotent. Political songs may get teenagers and young adults (those of us who pay little to no taxes) upset and may provoke them to read certain books, but the song format is painfully simple, over-emotional and one-sided. Can you imagine a political debate between two live musical acts? No--you can't, cuz it would be silly. Political thought is academic, abstract and reasonably complex. Political arguments only suffer under irrelevant drum beats and unnecessary, silly rhymes.

In other words, as far as politics goes, the Daily Kos is far more useful than the entirety of PE's catalogue.

The fear of a blogosphere planet.

Anyway, the LA Weekly interviewer actually posed some non-softball questions to Chuck D. Props to Jessica Koslow, even though I bet she is a fan:

LA Weekly: Explain the meaning of your new album’s title.

Chuck D: How You Sell Soul to a Soulless People Who Sold Their Soul is answered with a simple phrase: You don’t sell soul to a soulless people who sold their soul. You have to give it to them. And that’s how it boils down with me. I think the last 15, 20 years the music and the record business experienced a great deal of one-sided individualism and greed. In order to return it to some of its roots, artists and entertainers and songwriters have to reach down into themselves in order to reach down into the souls of folk.

Hey, Chuck, you can dismiss your audience, or America as a whole, as soulless, but there are plenty of killer bands out there making uninsulting records for people who I would assume consider themselves "soulful." This easy, negative tongue-twisting (masquerading as anti-commercialism) just goes to show how dry the joyless PE well of ideas is. Its simply insulting that the Incredible D feels responsible for "giving" soul either to me or to my listening experiences. The album title, I believe, has far more to do with the "rap game" than musicians as a whole.

More:

LA Weekly: You and Flavor Flav have very different personalities. How have you made it work for so long?

Chuck D: There’s a group of us, and the total jelling unit is the thing that’s able to signify that we’re the Rolling Stones of the rap game. The thing that makes it last is we figure as black families go, everyone is accepted as family. Flav has created a position that’s been imitated but never duplicated: He’s the greatest hype man in the history of the art form.

Right. First there is another lazy comparison to the Stones. And then, a tenuous-at-best claim: as black families go, "everyone is accepted as family." Now, is this really true? Is the stereotype of the big, black, all-inclusive family actually true and, beyond that, well-represented by PE? The statistics that I read show that the black family is beset by incredible strife. Is Flav, in his illiterate silliness, a reflection of someone who otherwise would be cast out of white, Asian or Latino families?

The original A.I.

And is "the greatest hype man in the history of the art form" truly an achievement? Is a "hype man" a complimentary term? Are PE's messages benefitted by, or, at the very least, dependent upon a "hype man"? ...I always thought hype was hot air, misleading.

The extremes of the black family.

The other extreme.

More:

LA Weekly: Do you feel like Flavor Flav’s antics dilute the impact of Public Enemy’s message?

Chuck D: The answer is yes and no. Yes, if the media always wants to pay less attention to the other figures in the group besides myself. Flav has never changed and has always been the exception to the P.E. rule. The group is not a duo. But then again, media tends to endorse whippings of mass distraction. P.E. is like any group/family coming from the black community. We tend as a people to include and love the extremes in the same house with the same love regardless. Every black family seems to have one, and even some white ones such as . . . remember Billy Carter?

Wow. He really answered that question well. More nonsense about the "black family" and how it accepts "extremes." Hm. Maybe that's the problem with black families, bro: the extremes of crime, illiteracy and illegitimacy. And what about extremes like Republicans?

Anyway, can Chuck please admit that Flav's "antics" were the key to PE's success? That the music is much more digestible when Flav (or Anthrax or Terminator X's sunglasses) distract from all the heavy-handed political messages?

Bro, I don't mean to clown if you have cataracts.

Serious props to LA Weekly for the next question:

LA Weekly: Many hip-hop artists have struggled to produce energy in live performance. What’s your philosophy on translating your music for a crowd?

Chuck D: My thing is trying to organize something that’ll get people’s attention for an hour or so. It’s my job. What I’m going through now is, I’m learning the new song, “Harder Than You Think,” and maybe another song called “Black Is Back.” I should know these songs by the time I get to California and put it in our set. And the reason that you have to get to know them well is they have to be able to match the intensity of some of the classics. “Black Is Back” and “Harder Than You Think,” they have a classic resonance to them.

Ain't it the got-damn truth: hip hop shows suck. A lot of boring, preening nonsense, high-sports-fashion and towel-swinging. Sonically limited and simply dull. And dreary songtitles such as "Harder Than You Think" and "Black Is Back" do not evidence much in the form of stage evolution.

2007-08-08T17:55:00.000-07:00

BAD BRAINS, TOOLS, DRUGS & MUSLIMS

Get yours, dawg!

Since we're on a Rasta-tip, I figured I'd link to this killer interview with Daryl Jenifer from the Bad Brains.

Daryl mentions the "Great Spirit" a million times, espouses two dozen self-serving musical clichés and I don't love the Bad Brains any less. Here's what happened back in the 80s after the Brains were trying to buy some weed off the Big Boys:

"And they went and got the weed and then HR got into a confrontation with one of the dudes from the Big Boys [who] tried to rub up on him or something, and [HR] said, 'Fire burn, Jah says the way you're living, the lifestyle is not right. You have to circumcise your heart and your soul and your spirit, get yourself right.'"

An awesome fuckin read. I love "circumsize your heart." And I guess I'm convinced that the Brains were never homophobes, but almost every H.R. interview I've ever read has left me entirely at a loss.

Oh, yeah, Daryl gently pokes the Chili Peppers:

It's like, how the hell are you going to diss a band like ours [that's] been around all this time, created all this opportunity and progressiveness [for] bands like the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I remember when they were a frat band opening up for us, playing fake funk. You see, what God did with Bad Brains was to say, "Look, these four black dudes, they play punk. They play it for real, and they mix it with dub."

I'm sorry, but it really doesn't get any harsher than a "frat band playing fake funk."

Speaking of harsh: since finn believes a 3,000-mile flight to Jersey is warranted for a Tool gig, but not necessarily for a Morrissey gig, here is a link to her humerous review of Tool's recent concert in lovely Holmdel, NJ.

Onto some "drug war" news.

Saw this interesting article about a Colombian druglord recently arrested in Brazil. Homeboy had three plastic surgeries in two years to protect his identity. Three! Here's a picture of him running from the law:

And here's an interesting quote:

Colombian Defense Minister Juan Manuel Santos, speaking in Bogota, welcomed the arrest: "The important message is that the richest and most powerful people fall."

The assumed translation may be responsible, but I love how no distinction is made between powerful people...and powerful druglords.

Onto politics/culture.

Caught this amazing clip from a UK special called "British Muslims." Sorry for using the ultimate blog no-no (the word "amazing"), but the last 30 seconds of part 4 of this doc crystallizes the cultural crisis within Islam. Here is a transcript, because it comes 6 minutes into the clip:

Documentarian: (voiceover)...Programs to de-radicalize Muslims apparently do not benefit from public exposure. (To Sheikh Musa Admani, University Chaplain and Government Adviser:) If you are with someone who is deemed to be an extremist and you want to de-radicalize him, how--how do you start?

Sheikh Musa Admani: (wincing, whispering) I won't talk about it.

Documentarian: Hm?

Sheikh Musa Admani: (smiling, shaking his head) I won't talk about it. I won't talk about it.

Documentarian: Oh.

Sheikh Musa Admani: Yeah, because its, its, its, um. If--if they get to know... (laughs)

Documentarian: So, the methods are very secretive then.

Sheikh Musa Admani: Yes. The methods are...because, we lose out, so.... (laughs)

Un fuckin believable. Even if the world were to agree to keep these methods "secret" somehow, can we please see some proof that every effort is being made to implement them? I mean, come on. If potential suicide bombers were to discover the formula to effectively de-radicalizing their kind--would they really be invincible at that point? How delicate are these methods?

And why would Muslims "lose out" by keeping these methods secret? Why is that terminology used? What are they trying to "win"? What is victory? The end of radicalism? Or a global caliphate?

Maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe this is simply pride, simply an example of a Muslim who doesn't want help from the West. Because if the sheikh is admitting that Muslims must be responsible for defeating radical Islam, then that's good. That's the truth. Because if Muslims don't defeat radicalism--who will? And what would such a defeat mean? What if the West, in an attempt to retaliate against radical Islam, largely vanquished the Middle East? What then for Islam? Would they throw their hands in the air and say their secret methods needed more time?

The bottom line is: someone please show me how Muslims are aggressively, or, at the very least, pro-actively, de-radicalizing themselves. And if you can convince me they are, please explain why there so far has been so little success.

For the rest of the doc, click here.

2007-08-07T18:54:00.000-07:00

THE HALL OF FLAME

I was thinking of changing the tagline on here from "The Hater's Hater" to "The Hall of Flame." Let me know if that bums anyone out.

Also, I'm trying a radically new format here, bear with me.

I love my boy Michael Irvin, but he inspired the (hopefully unoriginal) HOFl term when he jumped out of the shower and made this speech.

Also, Korea has its first Jamaican-validated reggae artist: Skull. He's like a walking tattoo. He kinda reminds me of that Korean-validated Jamaican K-pop artist....

I wondered, though. The Jamaican that took away all the creative anxieties--was he American-born or Jamaican-born? I think there's a big diff and I'm not sure homeboy went so far as to mention.

Check out these Indoctrinate U editing-floor interview clips with students at Columbia. I'm a sucker for anything that mocks college students, but I'm also for privatizing all education after elementary school. Go figure. Well...I don't know, there are a lot of state schools out there. Either way, up to 6th grade I'm for uniforms, but not for same-sex classrooms (we can handle ourselves). From 6th grade on up? Anything goes. Don't worry, people: the business world will sort out the best schools.

And I don't like Senator Edwards as much as the next guy, but this is bullshit. He's a big phony because of his eradicate-poverty politics, not because he snubbed some fanboy journalists or booger-picking customer service reps at a handful of goofy fundraisers. Maybe the original blog piece exhaustively detailed his ludicrous policy stances, I don't know, but the most recent one is simply catty.

This is also indicative of another conversation bummer. Celebrity stories are gag-inducing enough. But celebrity run-ins wherein said celebrity "was such a dick" need to be banned for life. Give the famous a fuckin break. I remember the time I ran into Quentin Tarantino at Amoeba. Some geek asked him to sign half-a-milk-crate's worth of bullshit and Quentin said "nah, man, I'm just trying to be here like you, man, nah, dood, I'm just trying to be like y'all." Now--you can't call me hyporitical. Cuz I almost jump-high-fived Quentin after he dropped that bomb on the CGI reject from last night's D&D game.

Stop hating, Marty. Quentin is going to the gym with a bag of hoagies, but at least he's going to the gym. That Wu Tang shirt has to go, though. Homeboy looks like the WWE version of some indie filmmaker.

Anyway, back in the record store: Quentin had to be 6'4" and he was dressed like a catburglar. Yup. All black with the wool cap. Kevin Smith would've creamed his pants. I was actually there to pick up a copy of Kill Bill Vol. 1 (since vol. 2 sucked), too, but I ended up retreating. If you don't believe me, don't worry, I don't think my family does, either.

And new DVDs are way too expensive at Amoeba anyway.

Little did I know the Senator-dis was going to be a 1-2 punch. This one lands right under the chin, though:

"In some ways, it's the way we have to go," Edwards says. "We can't make John black, we can't make him a woman. Those things get you a lot of press, worth a certain amount of fundraising dollars. Now it's nice to get on the news, but not the be all and end all."

I don't know, I'm hearing clips of Edwards all day on conservative talk radio. The dumb-ass poverty tour or whatever. And I'm pretty sure I just heard a clip of him promising a permanent pension to anyone who can keep a job for at least 20 years. I don't think his profile has terribly suffered next to Obama and Hillary. This is his 2nd presidential candidacy anyway. If his wife is going to say that an African American or female candidate has an unfair advantage over her husband--she may be right based on the novelty of either candidate winning. But she can't suggest that her husband's policies and character aren't making up the difference. That is terribly insulting to the voting populace. The race for the candidacy is either fair and honorable or unfair and useless, and the last people who should be feeling politically sorry for themselves should be caucasians. Conservatives should agree that they would vote for Condi as long as she was the most conservative candidate.

And the Republican presidential nomination goes to...

Why doesn't Elizabeth Edwards assume the same principles exist in the Democrat party?

John isn't black or female but he knows what its like to be both!

Anyway. Edwards is a class-baiting bitch and he will escape this since his wife bears ultimate responsibility.

Also reminds me, I was hanging out with a buddy this weekend who I hadn't seen for a while. Homeboy has balls. He had a Tancredo '08 sticker on the back of his Buick. That's BALLS. It is real tough to meet homies out in LA who are to the right of me. Tancredo is crazy. Talking about ending all immigration and bombing Mecca and Medina in response to a nuclear attack? Come on, dawg. We need to encourage (legal) immigration in order to import intelligence and ingenuity, and to protect our birth rate and the spirit of the original settlers.

....And Mecca and Medina only in the same breath as the Vatican, please.

Also, y'all may be aware, but I just found out that Dennis Quaid has a band: Dennis Quaid and the Sharks. And he looks a little interesting on-stage.

Incidentally, the bandmember calling himself "Jamie James" gets a tip of my belt-buckled Stetson for the extra effort.

Finally, a buddy of mine sent me this incredible link about black talk radio. Memo 46 sounds like such a shitty band name I think it might work. Also in the running right now are: Cuddle Party (which most likely will be the name of the album), The Weird Old Lady at the Party, The Weird Old Lady at the Cuddle Party and Life Coach (and the Miserable Failures). Some inspiration drawn from this show.

2007-08-06T18:22:00.000-07:00

TEE PEE RECORDS: MANIFEST DESTINY SHOWCASE

Safari Sam's, Friday night. The first band I caught was:

TITAN: a mostly instrumental band from Brooklyn. A lot of chops, some keyboards which were nicely mixed and some drumming which was looser than most prog-rock bands would allow themselves to be. The vocals were straight-up Merlin, but I really didn't mind them.

I will cast a spell and make you forget about what a dick I was in Hunt For Red October.

No complaints about these gearheads, but nothing that would make me want to scope them again. Though if this description of themselves from their MySpace is not tongue-in-cheek, I'm giving homeboys the thumbs down:

"forged from the sun inside the endless black hole. sent to this world in the form of the end times. on waves of the poisoned aura that is the universe and bound by streams of light flowing with black blood, the titan rides through the collective crise de unconscience to awaken the electric brood."

Come on, dawgs.

Up next was:

THE ASSEMBLE HEAD IN SUNBURST SOUND: who kinda reminded me of Comets on Fire with Ashton Kutcher on lead vox.

Nah....he's not a puppet.

A lot of guitar solo theatrics with a couple decent riffs. The name of the band is growing on me and the skull on the kick drum wasn't as annoying as it may sound...but these Frisco doods just didn't click with me. Not bad at all, but some bigger dood in a black tank was beer-dancing near the front of the stage and, unfortunately, he was more entertaining than the music. Homeboy should've had "BAY AREA" tattooed on his forehead.

Up next was:

THE ENTRANCE BAND: Well, these guys didn't captivate me as much as they did last week at the Echoplex, but at least homeboy kind of took my advice and wrapped some duct tape around his strap holder.

Seriously. If you don't check these guys out, I demand that you start a blog consisting entirely of pictures of people slapping you. Think about it. Your readership will at least surpass mine.

Also, this was the 2nd time I've seen Entrance and the 2nd time I've seen lead singer homeboy in a 9/11 Truth t-shirt. OK, bro. We get it. The Saudi Bush/Cheney/Haliburton puppets who thrust us headlong into Armageddon-for-oil. Right.

Up next was:

RTX: Finally. A band I could really rip into. Homeboy came out with some kinda woodgrain Jackson wearing a Cinderella shirt. Looked like the dood who got kicked out of Carcass:

But, nope. I'm not buying the so-uncool-its-cool vibe from these guys. Cheesy-ass riffs. A lead singer who reminded me of that girl selling rabbits from Roger & Me (PETA members beware). I wanted to stick around to check out

EARTHLESS: but I knew I wouldn't last because bands take a minimum of a half an hour between sets at Safari Sam's. Caught Earthless a few months back and enjoyed what I heard.

Tee Pee Records homepage and MySpace. Peace.